What is with the staring in Lakewood?

zaq

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 6:12 pm

amother wrote:

When I go somewhere like Lakewood I figure staring is par for the course-- I'm more modern, and of course I dress tsnius, but I definitely don't have the right look, and I'm not buying that stuff just for an occasional shopping trip. It's still rude, but I accept that that's how it's going to be.

. You’re a saint.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 6:58 pm

zaq wrote:

Amother teal, here’s the thing: in most societies where people live in very close quarters, they learn to build “virtual walls” . In Japan with its houses with paper walls , in England, in Soviet-era Russia where several families might have shared a four-room flat, in the overcrowded tenements of the Lower East Side, people pretended not to hear or see anything that was going on. . It was the only way to maintain an appropriate distance and illusion of privacy. I don’t understand why ultra-frum Yidden—IME it’s only the ultra-frum—haven’t learned the mussar of “mah tovu oholecho” aka MYOB, but persist in this ulta-rude, ultra-obnoxious behavior.

ETA I refer to adults. Children are children all over and have to be taught. There is hope for rude children.

Frum Yidden are not perfect and were not meant to be perfect. Sometimes Yidden hating other yidden are worse than the Gentiles!
I live among Chinese and they actually slow their pace of walking as they observe us. I have a much kinder attitude towards my Chinese neighbors than you do towards your co-religionists.

zaq

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 8:44 pm

amother wrote:

I didn't say I hated them. I said their behavior is rude and obnoxious. I would find it rude and obnoxious if they were Chinese, too, but the folks in Chinatown have never stared at me. For my job I travel to a lot of different communities, ethnic and white bread, where I stick out a mile, but ultra-Orthodox nabes are the only places I was ever treated like a zoo animal. Dems da facts of my experience, whether you like them or not and whether they shtim with yours or not.

imasoftov

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 9:08 pm

Boca00 wrote:

I just smile and say hi. That usually makes them stop.

Better yet, pretend you know them, make up a plausible story about how you met at a simcha some years ago and ask for the latest news about your fictional mutual friend.

amother

Olive

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 9:12 pm

Didn't read the whole thread, but yes, people stare in Lakewood.
To the Lakewood kids LSD is not a drug, it stands for lakewood staring disorder.

It starts at your face, moves up to the top of your head, down to your toes, and then back at your face. (In case your going to an event and want to fit in, practice in front of a mirror). LOL

Boca00

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 9:12 pm

imasoftov wrote:

Better yet, pretend you know them, make up a plausible story about how you met at a simcha some years ago and ask for the latest news about your fictional mutual friend.

Hmm... I'm picturing the next thread, "Why do people cross the street to avoid me?"

fraimal

Wed, Nov 01 2017, 9:58 pm

amother wrote:

:😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

amother

Aubergine

Thu, Nov 02 2017, 12:07 am

zaq wrote:

Jews hating other groups of Jews do it better than the non jews.

Jews hating other groups of Jews is a 3000 year old problem.

amother

Blonde

Thu, Nov 02 2017, 12:20 am

amother wrote:

Jews hating other groups of Jews do it better than the non jews.

Jews hating other groups of Jews is a 3000 year old problem.

Where do you see hatred? Staring is rude. If anything, posters are being kind when they point out that it's unacceptable. If I were doing something that made other people uncomfortable, I'd want to know.

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Nov 02 2017, 3:12 pm

Haha Pink amother, YES!!!!! you describe my feelings to a T.

I can't stand it anymore. I've become so resentful over the years because of this and many other things in the community where I live (BP Rolling Eyes

)

The adults, the kids, simply everyone stares. I won't even start on many of the other middos issues.

I am 100X more comfortable in the secular world where I work and interact with people from around the world on a daily basis.

silbergirl

Sun, Nov 05 2017, 6:34 am

I live in a Hasidic community as well and people STARE. I don't dress different or look any different from most ladies here, but still, women, who don't know me, STARE. Sooo weird....
And I am asking myself, why????

LovesHashem

Sun, Nov 05 2017, 6:57 am

amother wrote:

Not nearly as bad as the types of people who look at your skirt length and slowly go up, taking in the shirt and how tzniyus it is and only after looking at your face.

Chayalle

Mon, Nov 06 2017, 9:39 am

LovesHashem wrote:

Not nearly as bad as the types of people who look at your skirt length and slowly go up, taking in the shirt and how tzniyus it is and only after looking at your face.

I experienced that type of staring in NY.

MiracleMama

Mon, Nov 06 2017, 12:07 pm

giselle wrote:

I usually don’t start this type of thread but I just left a supermarket in Lakewood and need to vent. I can overlook a one time stare. But every time I look up she’s staring all over again! I have developed a habit of staring back which usually makes them uncomfortable enough to look away although not always. (Obviously this was not a one time occurrence or I wouldn’t be posting.)

How about walking up to her and with a smile say, "Hi. Do we know each other?"

groisamomma

Mon, Nov 06 2017, 8:10 pm

I'm guilty of being rude about this. I took some campers of mine (with special needs) on a little trip this summer. A girl of about 11 or 12 literally FOLLOWED us around the bakery as my girls made their choices. I hinted and motioned like 5 times for her to stop but she continued. On our way out, a woman right behind her (presumably her mother, her arm was on her) stopped to watch the show, mouth agape. I kid you not I saw all the way inside. I lost it and said to the preteen, "Whoever's raising you is doing a stinky job." Then to the mother, "Big surprise, they themselves never learned not to stare."

My girls were oblivious but I wanted to punch that woman.

OT, but on RH and YK I found myself elbowing my own 2 girls a few times during davening and later warned them that if the staring doesn't stop they can stay home.