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-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
amother
Olive
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Mon, Nov 20 2017, 8:22 am
Dd6 usually goes to her father for Sundays. She didn't go this week and the teacher commented that she was happier than the other Mondays.
I'm lucky she lives with me. But can't really change anything with the arrangement.
Is it worth mentioning anything to xdh as it's in the interest of dd after all?
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leah233
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Mon, Nov 20 2017, 8:25 am
amother wrote: | Dd6 usually goes to her father for Sundays. She didn't go this week and the teacher commented that she was happier than the other Mondays.
I'm lucky she lives with me. But can't really change anything with the arrangement.
Is it worth mentioning anything to xdh as it's in the interest of dd after all? |
Speak to XDH but only in the context of how to make her happier going there. It isn't in your daughters interest that she doesn't see him
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amother
Goldenrod
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Mon, Nov 20 2017, 8:27 am
I don't think you should mention anything as it may be taken as you're trying to separate them.
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SixOfWands
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Mon, Nov 20 2017, 8:33 am
amother wrote: | Dd6 usually goes to her father for Sundays. She didn't go this week and the teacher commented that she was happier than the other Mondays.
I'm lucky she lives with me. But can't really change anything with the arrangement.
Is it worth mentioning anything to xdh as it's in the interest of dd after all? |
Maybe she's happier because she senses that you don't like her seeing her father, and she didn't have to deal with the stress this week.
Maybe she's happier because she got more sleep without the visitation.
Maybe she's happier because the separation from her father is so difficult for her, and she didn't have to do it this week.
Maybe she's happier because one of her friends promised to share a great snack at recess.
IOW, its not useful to tell him, since you don't know the causation. And its hurtful. How would you feel if he told you how much happier she is when you're not around.
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amother
Sienna
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Mon, Nov 20 2017, 8:37 am
amother wrote: | Dd6 usually goes to her father for Sundays. She didn't go this week and the teacher commented that she was happier than the other Mondays.
I'm lucky she lives with me. But can't really change anything with the arrangement.
Is it worth mentioning anything to xdh as it's in the interest of dd after all? |
What benefit would come out of one ex telling the other, "dd seems happier when she doesn't see you"?
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amother
Olive
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Mon, Nov 20 2017, 12:00 pm
Thanks for all responses.
I would never withhold visitation I just feel bad for her being unsettled most Mondays.
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oliveoil
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Mon, Nov 20 2017, 1:56 pm
It's normal for kids to be a bit "off" the day after returning from visitation. Transitioning from parent to parent is hard and unnatural. That doesn't mean the parent is making the child miserable or that they shouldn't go to the visits.
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amother
Honeydew
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Mon, Nov 20 2017, 4:41 pm
A child needs a home and two parents in some situations the Totty and Mommy can't live in the same home. But the child has to know that both parents love her no matter what.
As a principal in a preschool I can say that I have seen both ways. Some kids came to school happy after visitation and some came back off the wall. So it really depends on who the child is and who the parents are. You should ask a professional what to do.
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amother
Wine
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Mon, Nov 20 2017, 4:50 pm
My dd suffered through this. Most often I allowed for her to stay home on Mondays so her nervous system could rest before going back to school on Tuesdays. You may not have that luxury if you work outside the home.
Most you can do is offer hugs.
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amother
Olive
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Mon, Nov 20 2017, 11:18 pm
oliveoil wrote: | It's normal for kids to be a bit "off" the day after returning from visitation. Transitioning from parent to parent is hard and unnatural. That doesn't mean the parent is making the child miserable or that they shouldn't go to the visits. |
Very well expressed. Thanks
He not a bad parent. It's the transitioning I assume...... And this will be part of her life.
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DrMom
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Mon, Nov 20 2017, 11:58 pm
Does XDH live farther away from school than you do? Maybe she was happier because she didn't have to get up so early and pack her things, etc?
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