Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
Is this normal?



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
Mustard


 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 2:13 am
My dd19 who is in seminary, is becoming quite different (for her) with me. She is avoiding me. She is quite close to several madrichot (a bit too much IMO) and confides in her sem principal (male), and while I have great respect for him, it seems the sem should have her speak with a woman. My dd tells me it's none of my business, is often abrupt and rude, and has a history of lying to me for the last 3 years (that I know of).

She has had a life coach and I've encouraged her to see a frum, female therapist (she's not in Israel). She said it's none of my business. I told her it is because we have to file to have our insurance pay for it. After some research, it seems lots of women go to this particular male therapist, he's very good, etc.. So I guess I'm ok with that.

Because my trust in her is low from our history, I don't know if I should be overly concerned or if she is just individuating in a negative way. She also said she may not want to come home in the spring because "it's not good for her spiritual growth". Really? So, she's obviously angry and disturbed about something. When I sent her off to sem a few months ago, we had a close (I thought) relationship (yes, with lots of history but it was really in a good place, considering...). I really don't know what to do but I have a strong feeling she is being turned against me by someone. The hanhala I've spoken to say she is always smiling, but that means little to me because she is a good actress. I think I should speak to the principal but I'm sure he will not tell me anything as he won't breach her confidence (understandably). Is this "normal" behavior? She is very easily influenced by her peers but this group of girls seems pretty good. I'm trying to give her space but something feels "off" to me.
Back to top

amother
Blush


 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 2:29 am
Are you afraid the principal might be doing something inappropriate like touch etc?
Back to top

amother
Mustard


 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 2:34 am
It has crossed my mind, since I'm quite concerned about the behavior change. He is youngish (40ish) and she does have a crush on him (I can tell), although his wife is stunning, they teach bayis Yehudi together and he has been there for many years and there have been NO rumors, so I think it unlikely, IY"H.
Back to top

amother
Lavender


 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 2:36 am
A while ago there was a thread by a mother sending her daughter to seminary where the mother seemed way too enmeshed. If that's you, then maybe you need to back off a bit. If not, trust your gut, and ask around. Speak to alumnae of this seminary and see what they say.
Back to top

amother
Mustard


 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 3:06 am
I'm not really thinking it's the Rosh, I'm just seeing such a sudden change in her. She is very flippant and dismissive toward me. Maybe this is normal...she's my oldest.
Back to top

amother
Pink


 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 8:46 am
amother wrote:
A while ago there was a thread by a mother sending her daughter to seminary where the mother seemed way too enmeshed. If that's you, then maybe you need to back off a bit. If not, trust your gut, and ask around. Speak to alumnae of this seminary and see what they say.


This is exactly what I thought reading this post.

Op, are we correct?
Back to top

Rachel Shira




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 8:53 am
OP, I read your previous posts and know which seminary your daughter is in. I went there. PM me if you would like and I can allay some of your concerns.
Back to top

newface34




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 9:46 am
It's kind of normal yes.
Time away from home and away from parents opens up our eyes to new things that may or may not have been healthy for us. I would think it's great she's close with her madrichas and principal, that means she's open to authority and respects knowledge of elders (better than thinking she knows everything on her own). She could just be going through a change, which happens to 99% teenagers in seminary. You get this spiritual high accompanied with this sense of freedom from your parents. You feel anew and like you can handle things better on your own with the guidance you choose for yourself.

I understand it's hurtful and she may not know how to be kind towards you just yet, hopefully she will learn that soon. But not sure why you want to bring her back in the spring if she thinks it's better to stay on Israel. You have to let her make her own decisions and figure things out herself, so if she thinks staying is better for herself, I think trust that.

I don't know the exact relationship you guys have, but at some point it will get better. Maybe write her an email and chat with her that way (if she's allowed emails... )
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
There are no normal jobs for men
by amother
91 Thu, Mar 14 2024, 2:40 pm View last post
What grade is normal for a sleepover?
by amother
29 Fri, Mar 08 2024, 1:37 am View last post
18 month old very unhappy since starting day care- normal?
by amother
62 Tue, Mar 05 2024, 12:52 am View last post
Normal?
by amother
3 Mon, Mar 04 2024, 11:26 pm View last post
Is this normal behavior?
by amother
4 Thu, Feb 15 2024, 9:56 pm View last post