S/O How much time do you spend with your kids...

amother

Turquoise

Sat, Dec 02 2017, 8:28 pm

I heard a parenting lecture that said that each parent should try to have 10 minutes of individual attention per kid per day. I struggle with this as my kids are all young, and although I spend lots of time playing/ baking/ doing other activities with them, it’s usually not one kid on their own. Even if I try to set up the other kids with an activity before I pay attention the individual one, the ‘not being paid attention to kids’ will come interrupt. Have you ever heard of this concept, and any suggestions on how to do it?

crust

Sat, Dec 02 2017, 8:32 pm

After all lectures and suggestions- you are the only only one who knows your capacity.

You can start with 10 minutes for ONE child per day so in the course of a week you will get to cover all your kids.

Last edited by crust on Sat, Dec 02 2017, 8:32 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Lilac

Sat, Dec 02 2017, 8:32 pm

yes I've heard of it. I see you said each, I think even one parent each night is good. you can do it sometimes and your dh can do it sometimes. That's how we do it. Tonight I read a book to both kids. laid down with the younger one while the older one got to have malava malka with her father..

Dina Friedman recommends doing it at bedtime and staggering the bedtimes so you'll spend time with the youngest and then put him/her to be and then spend time with the next...

Also I don't think everyone does 10 minutes every night they might do an hour a week or something else instead- the point is to have a one on one relationship with each of your kids that they should feel special. I'm sure plenty of parents figure out a a way other then 10 minutes a night to accomplish that.

amother

Pewter

Sat, Dec 02 2017, 9:26 pm

It's sad that mothers these days have to work outside the home. The struggle-guilt of time with our children is put on the side due to having to pay bills and put food on the table.

I may be a freak, but I yearn for the days of thousands of years ago when Moshe and Tsipora had traditional spousal roles and raised child together.

amother

Babyblue

Sat, Dec 02 2017, 10:00 pm

amother wrote:

I may be a freak, but I yearn for the days of thousands of years ago when Moshe and Tsipora had traditional spousal roles and raised child together.

Ummm.... a little off topic but didn't Moshe very famously separate from Tsipora?

amother

Turquoise

Sat, Dec 02 2017, 10:27 pm

I’m the op. I was to stress that BAruch Hashem I spend lots of time with my children. Let’s not go off topic, please. I struggle with giving attention to 1 child when I’m ‘ babysitting’ 3. The baby wants to be entertained or he’s keeping himself very busy taking apart the house, other child wants a drink/ to be read to/ wants me to come see their masterpiece/ reach them a different toy/ someone hit/pushed/took away something from someone else... Is this not a struggle I share with anyone else? I don’t stagger bedtime as my kids need the same amount of sleep.

Kugglegirl

Sat, Dec 02 2017, 10:36 pm

I heard this idea in a class by someone who taught the system she learned from Rebizin Spentner. Personally, I think when the kids are very young, and as you said, you are spending a lot of time with them, this 10 min per child per day is not critical. Putting your arm around one kid & reading them a book while the other plays on the floor conveys enough individual attention. I have older & younger kids now- from teens to toddlers. I try to spend at least a few minutes of 1:1 time with each kid. Sometimes it happens every day, but at least it happens frequently. Sometimes I grab a kid to come run errands w. Me, often I catch them at bed time (or just before my bed time, since they are up late). One of my kids likes a back massage. One likes to talk and ask my opinions. Each is different. You will see as they get older what works for you and what each of your kids needs.

Pita

Sun, Dec 03 2017, 12:32 am

I spend time with each child each night, though I only have three. With me it is about 20 minutes per kid, though some evenings less, and they lose the time if they are not ready for bed on time. I started doing this because when they got home from school they all wanted to talk to me and everyone would get upset when I was distracted. This way everyone knows they will get to tell me what they want before they go to sleep, though often they just have me read to them. Even if you only have 5 minutes per child, it means a great deal to them to know they will have your undivided attention for those 5 minutes.

amother

Pewter

Sun, Dec 03 2017, 3:35 pm

amother wrote:

Ummm.... a little off topic but didn't Moshe very famously separate from Tsipora?

Yeah, but beside for that fact, I think family life was easier back in those days.

dancingqueen

Sun, Dec 03 2017, 3:39 pm

I do 1:1 time for each kid at bedtime. I have a few young ones close in age. It’s more tiring for me that way, but worth it I think.