Should I tell 3 yr old son what his p---s is called?

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Dec 10 2017, 4:25 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

No sarcasm in the answer - yes, both my kallah teacher and my husband's chasan teacher used the words Eyver, and zeh hamokom. Very maintream yeshivish.

Nobody in the room had the slightest question as to what these words meant.

my Kallah teacher did the same, HOWEVER she started Kallah classes by saying clearly what the Hebrew term is, and the corresponding English term is. She had diagrams where she explained each part in English terms, and afterwords continued her class with the oso hamakom/ ever terms. She said that’s how it’s referred to in the Gemara and halacha, so that’s how we’re going to refer to it.

Mommyg8

Sun, Dec 10 2017, 4:34 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Did you ask a rav if you’re allowed to eat bananas on Sundays?

Not everything needs a psak...

We may not always be aware of the shaylos to ask...

Again, there must be a reason why seforim use euphemisms.

amother

Pearl

Sun, Dec 10 2017, 5:02 pm

U want to tell ur daughter to clean her v***a?! We arent shy of the word aiver but it is a more medical term and it's ok for kids to call it pp or whatever...u call the back rectum?! Just saying. Lets not get hyped up here. There's a time and place for everything.3 yr olds do not need to say aiver they DO need to have an appropriate word

jeweled

Sun, Dec 10 2017, 5:27 pm

Sefarim may use euphemisms for eiver. But the Gemara also uses eiver for euphemisms. As in the case of the discussion of how long each of the rabbis eiverim were. Apparently that was a euphemism for how much torah each knew. Not sure how nivel peh figures in there...

marina

Sun, Dec 10 2017, 7:46 pm

amother wrote:

This thread is really bothering me, and it took me a while to put it into thoughts:

1. We don't have specific words for these body parts in Hebrew. We say "eyver" or "zeh hamokom" - that's our mesorah. Why should we change our mesorah?

2. Another thing that I realized - I had always thought that using correct body parts is a good thing, and it took me time to realize, that nivul peh is assur. Which means that it is assur to talk about specifics, at least as far as I understand...

Euphimisms is the Jewish way to go.

And yes, if my son had a boy in his class who taught him the word "p*nis" I would definitely call the school to complain.

You know what's not nivul peh? Peni5

You know what else is not nivul peh? nose, toes, fingers, eyes ears.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised at how much s-xual dysfunction there in some orthodox communities, if some parents cannot even use the correct anatomical names...

jeweled

Sun, Dec 10 2017, 8:50 pm

Technically vulva is the correct term for female genitalia. But since no one really uses it, I wasn't sure what to teach my daugther to call her lady parts. We used private parts for a while and then I caved and just taught her the term v*gina when she was five.

Mommyg8

Sun, Dec 10 2017, 9:25 pm

marina wrote:

I guess I shouldn't be surprised at how much s-xual dysfunction there in some orthodox communities, if some parents cannot even use the correct anatomical names...

So according to you, if everyone would only use the correct anatomical names for all body parts including p*nis and v*gina, s*xual dysfunction in orthodox jewish communities would be eradicated...

Wouldn't you wish it were that easy?

RebekahsMom

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 7:29 am

[quote=pesek zman] Exactly.

We don't call it cookie or front Tushy or pee pee. We call it vgina [/quote]

imasoftov wrote:

That would be a great name for a band. I've been intending to post this for a while and this thread reminded me to do that.

Thank you, imasoftov! I was just about to eat a cookie while I packed school lunches, and you saved my diet!

Really... I can imagine the confusion later on. (Little girl in school!) Hey, if you give me one of your crackers, I’ll let you eat my cookie” (second horrified little girl) “teacher!!! She asked me to eat her privates!!” And the calamity ensues.

And ZZTop (70’s band) did a song called Tush. And yes, it was about that.

amother

cornflower

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 7:35 am

RebekahsMom wrote:

Not a joke. I heard a story from Mageinu about a little abused girl who kept trying to tell her teacher about a relative who was touching her cookie and the morah didnt get it.

amother

Gold

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 8:29 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

Op here.
Actually, I think it's part of the problem. I think people- specifically boys- grow up so repressed and segregated to the point that they don't even know what their p---s is called, or they think it's a terrible word- that they don't know how to deal with their urges in a healthy way.
Sometimes it comes out in the form of abuse, sometimes in the form of boys experimenting with each other consensually, and sometimes in the form of a husband who has unrealistic expectations of his wife or perhaps has a wandering eye.

simba

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 10:04 am

Cute story: I have a relative who lives in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada.he was in NYC and visited with my family.
We went shopping he other day and my 3 year old saw someone who looks like this relative "mommy, he is from private part" out loud, across the supermarket. I turned beet red and explained everyone around me that we have a relative who looks like that man who lives in Regina!

Mommyg8

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 10:24 am

amother wrote:

So, I'll ask the question again - in your opinion, if we start using the correct terms for p*nis, specifically, then this will solve all these s*xual problems you have stated? I'm genuinely curious if you think this would solve these problems.

amother

Gold

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 10:41 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

I think it would lessen the "taboo" and "dirtiness" aspect. And enable people who have issues to speak to a mentor etc

Mommyg8

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 12:45 pm

amother wrote:

I think it would lessen the "taboo" and "dirtiness" aspect. And enable people who have issues to speak to a mentor etc

I honestly don't think it would take away any of the problems we have today, but that's my opinion. As for the taboo - we had a recent thread discussing what the boys learn in yeshiva - obviously there's very little that's "taboo" in what they learn in yeshiva... so I don't think there's a problem there.

I don't think that calling things by different names is going to take away the yetzer haroh, and that's the truth. Again, just my opinion.

amother

Olive

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 12:49 pm

First of all, this is not a frum thing. Pretty much the entire world has been using euphemisms for genitals up until relatively recently.

It sounds like there are two main arguments for using correct anatomical terms with young children.

One, so that if a child is sxually abused, they’ll have the words to describe what happened. I can see how certain words, like “cookie” would create confusion. But I’d think that a word like “privates” should be pretty clear.

And two, so the child doesn’t assume that euphemisms are used because the genitals are shameful.

I’ve heard similar arguments addressed to tzniyus rules. Those who misunderstand tzniyus think that we cover up because we are ashamed of our bodies.

That is wrong, and should not be the message that our children pick up.

I would happily teach my children the correct anatomical words for genitals, because I want them to have information. But using those words in speech referring specifically to my child’s genitals seems intrusive.

We hint and euphemize and cover things that are special, not shameful.

I hope the message my children pick up from me, as with tzniyus, is one of utmost respect for them and their bodies.

Eta. And fwiw, my kids, including boys, never had any difficulty, certainly not shame, describing for me their intimate bathroom experiences, itches, concerns, etc.

observer

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 12:52 pm

amother wrote:

Every person deserves to know the names of their own body parts.
If you make it into this whole secretive big deal, yeah, he might say it but if you just say it in a very matter-of-fact nonchalant way, then it's no big deal and why would he think it's funny to say it?Does he run around saying "hand?"

Have you been around 3 and 4 year olds recently?

LovesHashem

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 12:54 pm

amother wrote:

I was trying to figure out how to say this...
Thank you