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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
DD's less observant friend gave her non-kosher gum



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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Mon, Dec 11 2017, 8:30 pm
Unfortunately, I got upset with my DD tonight. She is 9. We live in a mixed community of MO, Conservative, Yeshivish. It's a very small community. My DD has made friends with a very nice girl but her family is not Orthodox. Perhaps traditional/Conservative is a better description. Anyway, I found a Wrigley's gum wrapper in my DD's room today and asked her about it. First she said it was nothing. By the way she said it was nothing, I could tell she was lying to me. So, then she started crying because she knew I knew she was lying. I'm not sure if it was because she was disappointed in herself or knew I was upset. But this reminded me of last week when I found a Smarties candy wrapper in the trash and asked about it and was told it was just trash and she didn't eat candy but just threw away a wrapper, implying it was trash she was getting rid of for someone else.

I was upset because she has been in situations before (with totally secular kids and even non-Jews) and has been able to resist temptation. I thought we had been careful with teaching our kids to be cognizant of where their food comes from and what they are eating and what hechshers to look for.

Now DD has a Jewish friend, albeit not observant of kashrut to the level we are, and it is so much more difficult for my DD to avoid temptation. It makes me sad that 1. my DD is in a situation at 9 yrs old that she has to refuse a friendly offering from a fellow Jew 2. She lied to me 3. We live in such a community where my DD doesn't have many Orthodox friends. 4. And that I got upset with her.

I feel like I have to protect my children from "the less observant" but I hate that idea of being insular.

We identify ourselves as MO and I feel it's a thin line we walk sometimes. I rationally think that growing up in our community, my kids most likely won't be as observant as us. There is not much community or peer pressure to do so but that is not really a good reason to stay frum.
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 11 2017, 9:04 pm
Did your Dd know these foods were not kosher when she ate them?

Maybe her friend or friend's parent told her that they were kosher, that the hecsher was on the outer packaging (like when something comes in a 12-pack), or that this food doesn't need a hecsher?
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imasoftov




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 12 2017, 1:06 am
Years ago this brand of gum was kosher in the US, and it still is in Israel. Smarties appear on the London Beit Din's list of kosher products. I don't know if the gum from Israel or the candy from the UK is exported to wherever you live but either of these could be a reason for either her or her friend to think it was kosher. I know someone who brings cartons of Israeli Wrigley's gum to the US when she visits and sometimes merchandise shows up in stores in a different country than it was supposed to be marked in.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 12 2017, 1:47 am
You can tell her that you understand the temptation and are sorry you yelled at her.

That in the future, she can take anything questionable, but not eat it on the spot. If she brings it to you and it's not kosher, you will supply a kosher replacement, plus something small a little extra to encourage her to do the right thing.

You also might want to consider a conversation with the friend's mom, and gently let them know of the issue, if it seems like they won't be upset.
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chanchy123




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 12 2017, 7:18 am
amother wrote:

Now DD has a Jewish friend, albeit not observant of kashrut to the level we are, and it is so much more difficult for my DD to avoid temptation. It makes me sad that 1. my DD is in a situation at 9 yrs old that she has to refuse a friendly offering from a fellow Jew 2. She lied to me 3. We live in such a community where my DD doesn't have many Orthodox friends. 4. And that I got upset with her.

I feel like I have to protect my children from "the less observant" but I hate that idea of being insular.


I think hit should share these concerns with DD. Ask her what she she feels about this and ask for help finding a solution.
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