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Forum -> Children's Health -> Toilet Training
Should I tell 3 yr old son what his p---s is called?
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Wed, Dec 13 2017, 12:57 pm
amother wrote:
Ok maybe I'll tell him it's a p-nis but he can say peepee for short.
Bottom is not accurate because that's his tush. He needs a way to distinguish between his butt and p-nis.

I ended up asking the Morah, and she said she wouldn't necessarily advise using the actual word, but use a nickname instead. I'll just follow the "minhag ," because I don't want him to stick out.


She doesn’t” necessarily advice” the actual word - sounds like she’s not going to look down on your son (your initial concern) if he does use it.
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amother
Slateblue


 

Post Wed, Dec 13 2017, 1:01 pm
I think we referred to it as "private part" when ds was 2-3. (Now he's 12) At one point he started saying my "front piece" and that was certainly not from me! Now he is immature and inappropriate and learned all sorts of words from school/bus (which is why I never wanted to to teach him correct words. He will yell out to get negative attention (at home) "my pe ns hurts! I think I need new boxers!" I would be fine if he still used private part as he is completely immature right now.
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amother
Gold


 

Post Wed, Dec 13 2017, 1:11 pm
amother wrote:
I think we referred to it as "private part" when ds was 2-3. (Now he's 12) At one point he started saying my "front piece" and that was certainly not from me! Now he is immature and inappropriate and learned all sorts of words from school/bus (which is why I never wanted to to teach him correct words. He will yell out to get negative attention (at home) "my pe ns hurts! I think I need new boxers!" I would be fine if he still used private part as he is
completely immature right now.


Op here. I think that teaching him the word when he was younger would have PREVENTED this behavior. It would have normalized it for him; it wouldn't be a mysterious, forbidden word...
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Wed, Dec 13 2017, 1:32 pm
amother wrote:
ironically, I also find peepee inappropriate. Like why be specific? Just call it bottom. Be general. And if you want to be specific say it’s called a pnis but we can use peepee for short. I said that to my daughter when she asked. “It’s really called vgina but lets just say bottom” and she probably long forgot the official term.
- But I’m very yeshivish so maybe that’s why the slang “peepee” doesn’t work for me


Why is it inappropriate for your daughter to be aware that she has labia and vulva? So embarrassing and inappropriate that you lie to her. Let's forget that exists. Let's just call it your "bottom," pretend that its part of your tush.

In sports, in the world, a pat on the tush means "good job." Rubbing a girl's vulva or a boy's p3nis is something very different. And you're teaching your kids not to be understood if there's molestation.

Not to mention the doctor, who will treat an itchy tush and an itchy v@g1n@ very differently, but your kids will have no way to explain their symptoms.

I think we may need a group outing to see Eve Ensler's famous play.
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 13 2017, 2:14 pm
amother wrote:
Why is it inappropriate for your daughter to be aware that she has labia and vulva? So embarrassing and inappropriate that you lie to her. Let's forget that exists. Let's just call it your "bottom," pretend that its part of your tush.

In sports, in the world, a pat on the tush means "good job." Rubbing a girl's vulva or a boy's p3nis is something very different. And you're teaching your kids not to be understood if there's molestation.

Not to mention the doctor, who will treat an itchy tush and an itchy v@g1n@ very differently, but your kids will have no way to explain their symptoms.

I think we may need a group outing to see Eve Ensler's famous play.


Do your kids, at that age, know that they have an esophagus and long intestine and small intestine and stomach etc? Or is it ok to refer to the whole digestive system as a "tummy"?

It's really fine to call the whole area "tushy" or something along those lines at that age. They're little. It's not a big deal. They don't need to have every body part scientifically labelled.

Little kids usually supplement their limited vocabulary with hand gestures to show what's bothering them when something is wrong.
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Wed, Dec 13 2017, 2:24 pm
gold21 wrote:
Do your kids, at that age, know that they have an esophagus and long intestine and small intestine and stomach etc? Or is it ok to refer to the whole digestive system as a "tummy"?

It's really fine to call the whole area "tushy" or something along those lines at that age. They're little. It's not a big deal. They don't need to have every body part scientifically labelled.

Little kids usually supplement their limited vocabulary with hand gestures to show what's bothering them when something is wrong.


Non sequitur.

The esophagus and intestines (large and small) are internal organs. So the proper analogy would be not teaching your DD Fallopian tube or ovary, and not teaching your DS prostate or vas deferens.

Why the secrecy? Trust me, your son knows he has a p3n1s. He might as well know what its called.
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Wed, Dec 13 2017, 2:40 pm
Does anybody teach the correct term for Tushie or bum/bottom? Won’t find either of those in a medical text book either.
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WhatFor




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 13 2017, 2:44 pm
amother wrote:
Op here. I think that teaching him the word when he was younger would have PREVENTED this behavior. It would have normalized it for him; it wouldn't be a mysterious, forbidden word...


Exactly my thoughts. The mothers here terrified that their kids will scream it out are probably right. Their kid gets the message that they can get tons of attention and all they have to do is say that word.

Completely ignoring a kid who says that word will probably be far more effective than all the handwringing.

Words are tools used to communicate. By consciously depriving your child of a term that they require to communicate, you are depriving them of a tool. (If they didn't need to communicate that word, there wouldn't be all this talk of euphemisms.)

Advocates who work to prevent zex abuse consistently say to teach your child proper anatomical terms. Using euphemisms can hurt your child if chv they are ever trying to tell you something.
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dr. pepper




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 13 2017, 2:44 pm
amother wrote:
My 3 year old's abuse accusation was believed by the police and CPS in part, I believe, because she was able to articulate and use the correct very specific words. If you want to take the chance, that's your call I guess.


I am so sorry you went through this.
You are 100% correct. Unfortunately, allegations will only be considered if correct terminology is used. That is the law-at least in my state. Please teach your son his body parts.

As far as walking around talking about it; some of that is age appropriate. After that, I wouldnt want my child walking around talking about it no matte what I decided it should be called, be in p*nis or weewee or whatever else people make up. I would explain the concept of private parts= private conversations etc.
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dr. pepper




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 13 2017, 2:49 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
No sarcasm in the answer - yes, both my kallah teacher and my husband's chasan teacher used the words Eyver, and zeh hamokom. Very maintream yeshivish.

Nobody in the room had the slightest question as to what these words meant.


For this very reason, when I teach, I first define the word and then tell them how I will personally be referring to it.
Particularly for p*nis. I say "when I am referring to a p*nis, I will be calling it the ever"
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cm




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 13 2017, 2:59 pm
amother wrote:
Does anybody teach the correct term for Tushie or bum/bottom? Won’t find either of those in a medical text book either.


Yes.

Kids who know the word "buttocks" and have picked up on the idea that people do not use certain words in public tend to say "tushie" in conversation.

(As an aside, I have never heard anyone say "front tushie" except on Imamother. IME, "tushie" and "bottom" refer to the buttocks only).
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 13 2017, 3:02 pm
WhatFor wrote:
Exactly my thoughts. The mothers here terrified that their kids will scream it out are probably right. Their kid gets the message that they can get tons of attention and all they have to do is say that word.

Completely ignoring a kid who says that word will probably be far more effective than all the handwringing.

Words are tools used to communicate. By consciously depriving your child of a term that they require to communicate, you are depriving them of a tool. (If they didn't need to communicate that word, there wouldn't be all this talk of euphemisms.)

Advocates who work to prevent zex abuse consistently say to teach your child proper anatomical terms. Using euphemisms can hurt your child if chv they are ever trying to tell you something.


I’m not “terrified” of anything. I just don’t see a need to point to my sons p-mis and say “that’s a p-nis” when I toilet train them, we call it a peepee. When they are a bit older, I say “do you know the real word for a peepee?” And if they don’t know, then I tell them.

Why must everyone on this site be so extreme?

On this thread we have two extremes:

1) p-nis is a filthy word!!! It’s against Halacha!!

Or

2) if you don’t teach your kids the correct anatomical terms at 3, you are borderline abusing and teaching them to be ashamed of their body parts.

Why can’t there be something in the middle??!!!

For the record, my kids never yelled peepee in a supermarket, nor did they yell P-nis. And they are actually extremely comfortable using the word at this point. They are also extremely comfortable with their bodies. I think I did a fine job using the middle road with them.
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Wed, Dec 13 2017, 3:33 pm
amother wrote:
Why is it inappropriate for your daughter to be aware that she has labia and vulva? So embarrassing and inappropriate that you lie to her. Let's forget that exists. Let's just call it your "bottom," pretend that its part of your tush.

In sports, in the world, a pat on the tush means "good job." Rubbing a girl's vulva or a boy's p3nis is something very different. And you're teaching your kids not to be understood if there's molestation.

Not to mention the doctor, who will treat an itchy tush and an itchy v@g1n@ very differently, but your kids will have no way to explain their symptoms.

I think we may need a group outing to see Eve Ensler's famous play.
because she’s 4 , that’s why!! We don’t teach the specifics of body parts. And she knows that if her private part itches she tell me “my front bottom itches”. Why is it lying to leave out labia and vulva? And why would bottom mean tush more than vgina? It’s one general term for bottom of the body.
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Wed, Dec 13 2017, 3:45 pm
amother wrote:
because she’s 4 , that’s why!! We don’t teach the specifics of body parts. And she knows that if her private part itches she tell me “my front bottom itches”. Why is it lying to leave out labia and vulva? And why would bottom mean tush more than vgina? It’s one general term for bottom of the body.


Bottom is an accepted euphemism for buttocks only. Just is.
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Wed, Dec 13 2017, 4:03 pm
amother wrote:
because she’s 4 , that’s why!! We don’t teach the specifics of body parts. And she knows that if her private part itches she tell me “my front bottom itches”. Why is it lying to leave out labia and vulva? And why would bottom mean tush more than vgina? It’s one general term for bottom of the body.


You don't teach her arm, or finger, or toe, or nose?

Or is it just genitalia that you don't teach?

In any case, as someone else said, "bottom" is generally understood to mean "buttocks." When the teacher says, "Put your bottom on the chair," she doesn't expect boys to rest their (clothed of unclothed) p3n1s there.
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 13 2017, 4:20 pm
amother wrote:
Non sequitur.

The esophagus and intestines (large and small) are internal organs. So the proper analogy would be not teaching your DD Fallopian tube or ovary, and not teaching your DS prostate or vas deferens.

Why the secrecy? Trust me, your son knows he has a p3n1s. He might as well know what its called.


I guess my question to you is- why does it bother you that some moms use "baby terms" for some body parts when interacting with very young children? What is your primary concern here and is there any data backing your concerns or is it just a personal feeling/sensitivity? I think it's really, at this point, just differing opinions, nothing more, which makes my opinion as valid as yours.



(*Edited to change the phrase "bottom parts" to "body parts" as was intended. Pretty funny how the mess-up actually fits perfectly into the topic of this conversation. But I meant to write "body parts".*)


Last edited by gold21 on Wed, Dec 13 2017, 7:56 pm; edited 2 times in total
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chocolatecake




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 13 2017, 4:29 pm
cm wrote:
Yes.

Kids who know the word "buttocks" and have picked up on the idea that people do not use certain words in public tend to say "tushie" in conversation.

(As an aside, I have never heard anyone say "front tushie" except on Imamother. IME, "tushie" and "bottom" refer to the buttocks only).


My son is almost 5. I never gave it an official name he on his own calls it a front tushi and thats fine with me.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 13 2017, 5:36 pm
gold21 wrote:
I guess my question to you is- why does it bother you that some moms use "baby terms" for some bottom parts when interacting with very young children? What is your primary concern here and is there any data backing your concerns or is it just a personal feeling/sensitivity? I think it's really, at this point, just differing opinions, nothing more, which makes my opinion as valid as yours.


I completely agree. And I use baby names for a lot of parts. For example:

Henti for hand
Or feesala for foot
Or keppi for head

Does that bother everyone too? Do you think they are now ashamed of their hands or feet or head?
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Wed, Dec 13 2017, 8:48 pm
amother wrote:
Bottom is an accepted euphemism for buttocks only. Just is.
I totally didn’t know that !! Is this something everyone knows and just went over My head? My parents also use bottom to mean both front and back.
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tigerwife




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 13 2017, 8:58 pm
mommy3b2c wrote:
I completely agree. And I use baby names for a lot of parts. For example:

Henti for hand
Or feesala for foot
Or keppi for head


Does that bother everyone too? Do you think they are now ashamed of their hands or feet or head?


These are all Yiddish words! Not necessarily euphemisms.

It's interesting how this is such a charged topic.

1. Never heard of any halachic issues with using anatomically accurate terms.
2. Funny how some posters are so passionate about using correct terms and then proudly teach their daughters that their entire private area is called a private part. Way to cause confusion!
3. No matter how much (or how little) you teach your kids, if you send them to school with other children, they will be coming home with a lot more knowledge and vocabulary than you'd expect.
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