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How to like (or at least not hate) this one kid in my class
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amother
Green


 

Post Thu, Dec 21 2017, 9:25 am
Jewishfoodie wrote:
Firstly, I think it's awesome that you are able to express honestly, that a student is too difficult for your patience. Too many times, the problem starts because a teacher is too prideful to admit this.
Let me try please, to bring perspective. No child lives in a vacuum. Ever. All their behavior comes from something or somewhere. Please G-d, let it not come from abuse, drugs, bad friends or bad examples at home. But chances are, you can be her hero. Don't ever let her break you. For all we know, you were put right in her path because HaShem knew you could help her. I agree with all the Imas who say, "kill" her with kindness. You may not see the results in your lifetime, but you will surely see the reward. Too many teachers give up on these neshamos which brings us our OTD, overdose, suicide plague. You sound like an awesome person. A person who wants to do Hashem's will. So ask for His guidance. I promise, your efforts will not be for naught. Every act of kindness perpetuates another. I believe this girl desperately needs an intervention but since it doesn't seem like what she's being offered one, you try to be her intervention. Love. Loads of love. She's showing all the signs and symptoms of loneliness and need for attention, and love. She's "crying out" and you picked up on it. You sound up to the task. May Hakadosh Baruch Hu provide you with the extra strength you will need to take care of this one, very lost and broken neshamah. You are awesome. I envy your reward. It's the reason I decided never to teach. It's because I'm terrifies I'd break someone accidentally and I couldn't live with that. I've watched teachers do that to students as a child. They never recovered.

This is exactly what I chose not to teach. I'm too terrified of the responsibility. And I'm still struggling with the effects of my childhood. I don't have enough in me to love other poepleside children yet. I'm still working hard to not loose it on my own very lovely talented and extremly brilliant challanging adhd sensory kid.
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 21 2017, 9:50 am
amother wrote:
Ok... These are all very good points, but they don't really address my main points. Where did I say there shouldn't be limits? Obviously limits need to stand. But a child who behaves difficultly is not a case for expulsion.

A school is responsible if an action they take ruins a child's self-esteem and/or creates shalom bayis problems. Otherwise who else should be responsible for the school's choices?


And when limits in school have been broken? What do you do? How would you deal with it? In any work place where there an employee demeaning or putting down another employee the HR-dept or management are obliged to take action and even fire the person. So why is school supposed to be different?

OP states that student shows chutzpa and disrespect and that it's very personal. Not just somebody "behaving difficulty".
Shlom bayis is something between the parents in my eyes and has nothing to do with the school. And what about the parents? They have absolutely no responsibility for their child's behaviour? Seriously, how much responsibility do you want to put on the school for this child's issues/problems, now and in the future?
And where is the responsibility of this pupil? She has none? She knows what she is doing.
Unfortunatelly times have changed. Parents once were responsible for their childen and their upbringing. These days many ppls want the school to be solely responsible for their kid and their future, shortcomings, failures and self-esteem until 120. Parents themselves have abdicated from their position.
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Thu, Dec 21 2017, 12:16 pm
Can you have the principal tell the parents: unless the child takes medication (probably ADHD), or changes her behavior within a week - you won't have her in your class? And really let her go until action of change is taken. Of course this is a last resort, but this is already going on for a while and is at the point of last resort (before you're going to really bust at this student).
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 21 2017, 12:32 pm
amother wrote:
I see differently. She is there FOR YOU. Sent by G-d FOR YOU. To push you to somewhere you have never been. Perhaps aa a kappara for something in this or a previous life. But YOU are the reason. So make the most of the opportunity! Others will advise you how- I have no idea. Good luck.


A bit easy. Was Hitler there to teach us something? Yah maybe but I wish someone would have killed him and many tried, BH.

So do glean from it what you can,but some kids deserve to be expelled.
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amother
Brown


 

Post Thu, Dec 21 2017, 4:48 pm
OP, I was that student.

My mother was emotionally abusive and nobody knew. I was very bright and became an adult way too early in life. My mother, my siblings and I all worked very hard to maintain the pictures of normalcy. So I'd ask you to reconsider your statement that there are no issues behind the scenes.

I'm not proud of it, but I could be a real pain to teachers I didn't respect. There was one teacher who was too young and pretty and with-it, to be what I considered a 'real' intellectual and I would tear apart her lessons. Until the day she called me out and asked me why I felt the need to do that. I had no answer, so I shut up.

She didn't become my favorite teacher or anything, but I stopped interrupting her lessons and I still respect her for the way she handled me.
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amother
Blush


 

Post Thu, Dec 21 2017, 4:56 pm
What do the parents say? Were they cooperative? Surprised? Helpful? Do they know why she behaves this way? Can they be intermediaries?

As far as this kid, as you say, I know it may seem like she does this for no reason, but there is always a reason. That being said, you may not be able to figure out what the reason is. If you can't, you may just want to level with her and ask her why she behaves this way and ask her if there's something you can do to get her stop. Maybe you've done this already. Maybe it won't work. But sometimes it's worth a shot. Maybe you can get her parents to ask her and get a more real answer. I also suggest you consider asking the other girls (discretely) if they know why she acts out (ask in a way that isn't pressuring, so they don't feel like they are tattling, but in a way that shows you are asking out of concern). The kids in the class often know a lot more than you do about the fine nuances going on or know directly why certain things are happening. So it's worth asking a few girls from different social groups, but it also depends on whether the class will see this as you trying to pull them over to 'dark side' or not, or make spies out of them, so depends on your relationship with the class.

Other options - you can try making a contract with her, I've seen this approach before, it may or may not work, where together yo uand her write up which behaviors are not acceptable and decide toether what the consequences should be (if she's not cooperative, you tell her you'll decide, and she'll usually jump in sometime. Even if she doesn't, it's all written down and she knows). Another option - you could try reading up on William Glassers' methods (choice theory) and how he applies for schools, maybe you'll find something helpful there. I read his books on it, don't remember which ones.

Lastly, I don't like this option, but it may work - for every student who acts out, the whole class is punished, and the flipside, if everyone behaves, the whole class is rewarded. This peer pressures the kids into behaving so they won't be ostracized by their friends or lack of friends. You have to do this carefully though, because it can be done cruelly (don't make it dependent on only this student, make it for all misbehaving students). In essence, it can turn the kids against each other if you single out the same people all the time, but the kids know that and it often works for kids who don't want to listen to you but will listen to their friends - and if applied to everyone equally, doesn't turn your problem student into a victim. If this girl has no friends, this won't always work, since even though it will make things worse for her, she has less to lose.

One more idea- I remember there was a girl in my 5th grade class who acted out a lot, it was because she had no friends and thought she was being funny, because we all laughed when she made trouble or looked vaguely impressed by her gall. Even if the girl has no major problems, maybe she's having mild trouble socially (I.e. she's not ostracized or bullied, but maybe doens't have that many friends or just can't win over the girls she wants to be her friends even if she has other ones) and thinks she can win people over by being 'funny'. Does this seem like it could be going on?

Those are all my ideas. ..
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 22 2017, 5:35 am
When tiptoeing, you are both preventing all the other kids from having a quiet learning environment, not teaching this child real life, and allowing his victims to remain victims.
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Fri, Dec 22 2017, 9:56 am
Is she so bright that she"s picking on because she doesn't find your class challanging?
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Fri, Dec 22 2017, 10:33 am
I have a looong story. I went to a small school with one large class per grade. I once had a schoolmate that used to act up in class, only during one teacher, the best teacher. this was a 7th grader from a very good home no issues at home, socialy, or academicaly.We could all se this kids behavior really go on the teachers nerves. In middle of the year every morning the teacher called her out of class as soon as she walked in. At first it seemed to be a punishment but at some point this girl started waiting for the teacher outside the door on her own before she even walked into the classroom. She also sometimes could be seen talking to the teacher during recess. The students behaivor changed dramatically. The other students wondered what happended. This went on all year.. The next year the teacher got married amd left the school. This girl matured. and we found out that this being this girl is the youngest her mother treated her like the bsby of the family she made bar mitzvah and a wedding that year and even though she was not neglected she had to go along with everything. She was not told anything that was going on. It was her older teenage sister who's opinion mattered more when choosing a gown.She spoke to the teacher outside aboutt alk this that was going in her family and the teacher helped her talk for herself
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