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S/o functional home - getting up after the kids?
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cozyblanket




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 26 2017, 6:37 am
To those mothers whose children get up and get dressed on their own, please explain it to me! I spend the first half hour of our morning routine just trying to get my exhausted kids to wake up and stand up on their feet! I had to Institute a no cereal after 8:05 rule because kids were coming downstairs 5 minutes before they have to leave wanting to start eating breakfast. After 8:05 , they can choose a fruit to take with them and eat when they have a chance . There is definitely a lot of nagging going on in our morning routine. If I did not walk from room to room constantly making sure everyone was getting up washing dressing... And making progress I am 100% sure my kids would never be ready in time! Is this normal or not normal?
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southernbubby




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 26 2017, 6:41 am
cozyblanket wrote:
To those mothers whose children get up and get dressed on their own, please explain it to me! I spend the first half hour of our morning routine just trying to get my exhausted kids to wake up and stand up on their feet! I had to Institute a no cereal after 8:05 rule because kids were coming downstairs 5 minutes before they have to leave wanting to start eating breakfast. After 8:05 , they can choose a fruit to take with them and eat when they have a chance . There is definitely a lot of nagging going on in our morning routine. If I did not walk from room to room constantly making sure everyone was getting up washing dressing... And making progress I am 100% sure my kids would never be ready in time! Is this normal or not normal?


NORMAL
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 26 2017, 6:44 am
cozyblanket wrote:
To those mothers whose children get up and get dressed on their own, please explain it to me! I spend the first half hour of our morning routine just trying to get my exhausted kids to wake up and stand up on their feet! I had to Institute a no cereal after 8:05 rule because kids were coming downstairs 5 minutes before they have to leave wanting to start eating breakfast. After 8:05 , they can choose a fruit to take with them and eat when they have a chance . There is definitely a lot of nagging going on in our morning routine. If I did not walk from room to room constantly making sure everyone was getting up washing dressing... And making progress I am 100% sure my kids would never be ready in time! Is this normal or not normal?

How old are they? In grade school this is normal. If in preschool maybe they need an earlier bedtime. Also 8:05 is early!!
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cozyblanket




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 26 2017, 6:51 am
Zehava wrote:
How old are they? In grade school this is normal. If in preschool maybe they need an earlier bedtime. Also 8:05 is early!!


My oldest lives on a different floor of the house and the deal was she has to get up and ready on her own bc I can't come down so early. My next is the worst. Last to get up, be dressed, come downstairs. She does go to sleep the latest. She keeps reading with flashlights til 11 or later. I once took one away but she found another one. The younger kids I am sure it is age appropriate how much help they need.
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naomi2




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 26 2017, 4:29 pm
I think it's important for a mother to be up around when her kids wake up. for sure for elementary age children and maybe even high school.
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Tue, Dec 26 2017, 4:40 pm
amother wrote:
Sorry but this comes across as very arrogant and patronizing. NO PERFECTIONISM PLEASE.


I am sorry that you took offense, It was not meant to come across as arrogant or patronizing, it was just my opinion on the matter.
I am curious as to why it hit such a raw nerve?
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amother
Rose


 

Post Tue, Dec 26 2017, 5:00 pm
Even for kids who can and do get themselves completely ready on their own, it's just a more pleasant start to the day. It also makes you a bigger part of their day/life, than only seeing you for a couple of hours in the evening.

I also agree with others that adults sleeping late doesn't show a good example for the kids/teens either. For adults to sleep later than 7 on a weekday or 8:30-9 on a weekend, to me means something is wrong. But I know I'm probably not in the majority with this one.
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amother
Gold


 

Post Tue, Dec 26 2017, 7:06 pm
Zehava wrote:
How old are they? In grade school this is normal. If in preschool maybe they need an earlier bedtime. Also 8:05 is early!!


Depends what time their bus comes. My girls are out of the house well before 805 and my son soon after.
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Tue, Dec 26 2017, 7:18 pm
doodlesmom wrote:
If you rely fully on older kids to take care of the younger ones in the morning while you stay in bed on a DAILY basis then the kid might end up saying he/she grew up in dysfunction.


This. Your post was so validating to me.

When I was 10, it was my job to get up in the morning, give my younger siblings breakfast, make their lunches and put it into their briefcases, change toddler's diaper and dress him, and supervise my younger siblings to make sure they get dressed.

I was not allowed to leave for school before the above was done. I was late many times, got yelled at by teachers about my irresponsibility, and got sent to the principal on one occasion.

In short, the expectations of my 10 year old self were unrealistic and unfair.

My home was dysfunctional. This is only one example of it.
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cozyblanket




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 26 2017, 7:21 pm
amother wrote:
Depends what time their bus comes. My girls are out of the house well before 805 and my son soon after.


Oh I didn't answer that part of her post. Oops thanks for the reminder.

School starts at 830. They have to be getting their coat and backpack on at about 815. When they started breakfast later than 805, most of their bowl ended up not getting eaten and in the garbage! So, either you start pouring your bowl by 805 or you can take a fruit or something similar to eat on the way.

What time is early depends on your school and where you live.

We are buckling down on the one who reads til 1130 or 12.... This can't go on.

Mornings are the hardest part of my day.
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Chana Miriam S




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 26 2017, 7:37 pm
amother wrote:
Reading the functional home thread made me wonder if I'm dysfunctional as my kids (tweens and teens) wake up before me. The oldest leaves the house before I'm out of bed. They make their own breakfasts - I do make sure to come downstairs by 7:50am in time to hug them goodbye at the door (not the oldest, his bus is 7am). dh drives them to school. Functional or dysfunctional?


I often got up after my kids once they were old enough to get themselves together. I don’t think we are dysfunctional. I am not a morning person and was often up late working. I have great relationships with both my kids.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 26 2017, 9:01 pm
I am totally not a morning person. As soon as DD was able to get herself dressed and catch the bus on time, I would make sure she got up, and then go back to sleep.

I tried being up for her, but in our case it didn't work. DD has a lot of anxiety, and she would start complaining about how much she hates school, hates her teachers, doesn't have any friends, her socks itch, she has a stomach ache, she forgot her homework... on and on.

I tried everything I could think of to help her feel better, but she wasn't having it. She was on a roll, and nothing was going to interfere with a good sulk.

One day, out of desperation, I told her she was on her own, and went back to bed. I took away her "audience", and suddenly she was able to get herself together and out the door. After that, I asked her if she wanted me to be up with her in the morning, and she said "no". She's actually much more cheerful when she doesn't have someone to complain to, and comes home in a much better mood.

I always made sure that I was in a good mood and attentive to her when she got home, often with fresh cookies out of the oven or some other treat.

Another thing, I always packed her lunch and snack the night before, often with a cute note inside. I made sure all of her clothes were laid out the night before, so all she had to do was get into them. I made sure she had everything she needed in her backpack before bedtime. Just getting a few things finished at night prevented a LOT of meltdowns in the morning.
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bookworm10




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 26 2017, 9:25 pm
When my kids go to school I am up before them, help them along and make sure they eat breakfast. We wait for bus/carpool together. I prepare their clothes, make sure they have snacks etc.

On weekends, when there is no school- my kids wake before me. They eat yogurts and the older ones help the younger and they play or read while I rest. I don't think tha'ts dysfunctional- why can't a mother sleep later on shabbos?
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Shuly




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 27 2017, 6:21 am
I'm surprised no one mentioned their husbands.
DH and I have a deal - I get up with the baby all night and he gets up with the big kids in the morning.

So he gets the bigger kids out - they dress themselves, but he packs up their backpacks - and I get out of bed at 7:30-8 to get the little ones dressed and out.

It works well for us.
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Shuly




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 27 2017, 6:24 am
bookworm10 wrote:

On weekends, when there is no school- my kids wake before me. They eat yogurts and the older ones help the younger and they play or read while I rest. I don't think that's dysfunctional- why can't a mother sleep later on shabbos?


Nothing wrong with it. We do that too. The kids get a special shabbos treat to eat after breakfast and they play while I rest. The bigger boys go to shul.
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