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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
8 year old daughter - depressed?



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amother
Khaki


 

Post Sun, Dec 10 2017, 11:01 pm
She's has a glum expression at school throughout the day, she's shy and quiet, interacts a little with other children, but not so much. Tells me is sometimes upset by some perceived unfairness - why someone got more tickets than her (probably because she's not enthusiastic and putting in as much effort herself), but the expression is on her throughout the day and hardly ever is happy. At home, she is vocal about her feelings - most of the time she's difficult, hard to please, complains about this or that part of her body hurting her (sometimes it's true, other times seems like it's imagined), unpleasant, bossy to her younger siblings, makes a big racket when old brother teases her. If I try to take a time-out for myself when I'm getting stressed out by her behavior, she follows me around & hardly lets me close the door to my room. What should I do to help her be happier and keep myself happy when dealing with her?
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moramom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 10 2017, 11:17 pm
I don't have an answer for you but I know how u feel.my ten year old daughter is also hard to get along with,defensive and complains about everything
The hardest part for me is that I don't want to be around her and then I feel so guilty.
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amother
Brown


 

Post Mon, Dec 11 2017, 12:34 am
Dont take it personally and keep super cheerful! Like extra perky!! U can't let it get to u. She needs u to be the strong one. Some kids get themselves into a bad rut and dont know how to get out of it. I'd take her out of school for lunch and eat out together. Have some fun together...Treat her maturely and pretend u havnt noticed the grumpy side. When stuff hurt(hardest ever!) take her very seriously even if your annoyed inside. Give her tylenol...tell her to take it eaay...check up on her and show concern...ur gana have to fake this spiel but it works!
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 11 2017, 2:20 am
Do you have a professional on board who can help either you or DD deal with her difficult feelings/disposition?
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Mon, Dec 11 2017, 9:20 am
She recently started seeing the school social worker, but I'm not sure if it's helping much yet.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 11 2017, 9:25 am
How about you? IME school social workers don't have the time to provide much parental support. You see your child a lot more often than a counselor, so you need help figuring out how to support her or respond productively to her moods.
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simba




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 11 2017, 9:35 am
You are describing my son 2 weeks ago. Each detail. The unfairness in school, the lack of enthusiasm, the imaginary pains, the kvetchiness and extreme sensitivity.
A few steps I took and I already see some results. Obviously not yet a new child but a definite improvement.

Spoke to his teacher with him present. Discussed why he is sad in school and what we can do together to help him.

I Spoke to a veteran mechanech who told me to receive him off pressure as much as possible because the school is very demanding and high stress for a little kid.

Took him to his pediatrician for a full checkup. We discussed with dr. That a lot of things hurt him and he is sad a lot. We don't know if there is something wrong with him body or it hurts cause he is sad.
Dr. Did a full physical exam with bloodwork, urine sample and stool sample.

He pescribed:
Vitamin D (1000 is daily)
Regular bed time
Exercise( I bought a hula hoop, pogo stick and jump rope)
Play therapy


I have also made an effort to be very positive and attentive to him and I have BH seen improvement. Made an appt for play therapy so hoping we are on the right track.

Good luck and feel free to PM me.
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amother
Coffee


 

Post Wed, Dec 27 2017, 3:06 pm
This was my son last year. We figured out he was absolutely miserable at school. He was switched mid year, and his depression lifted within a week. Maybe try to find out if there's something bothering her that she's having trouble verbalizing.
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Jewishfoodie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 27 2017, 3:14 pm
Please rule out anything you might have overlooked. Is she going for any type of therapy that you aren't with her for? Is it a reliable therapist? Male? Female? Is she being bullied but can't verbalize? Does she feel she doesn't have friends? Does she feel "different"? This is the age. They're slowly growing into a new "person", and it might be a red flag. Of course we pray it's just moody based on nothing but you must rule everything else out too. Good luck, and hope she blossoms, and this is just a faint memory real soon.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 27 2017, 3:26 pm
This is the story of my DD's life. She has been diagnosed with both depression and anxiety.

She's doing well in therapy, and making slow but steady progress. You need to find out what is stressing her out, and that may be hard for her to explain. I found that a professional knows the right questions, and the right way to ask them, to get to the bottom of what's bugging her.

Consider screening for ADD (not ADHD). If she is easily distractable, she may not be performing up to her abilities. Not doing well will cause her stress because she wants to please, and not being able to please can cause even more anxiety.

Nothing in what you wrote makes me think ADD, but it's worth checking for just in case. It presents differently in girls than it does in boys, and is often overlooked in girls who are very quiet.
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