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What would it take for you to call child services? S/O
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Tue, Jan 23 2018, 7:07 am
Blessing1 wrote:
As another poster mention, I'd talk to a Rav or try to get askanim involved first. We had neighbors that have 12 kids, the older ones got out of the house & told us horror stories about what the father is doing to them. They would hide under the bed when he was home. He threw them down the stairs multiple times, among many other horrible things. The mother is bipolar or manic. We neighbors decided that if we called child services, the kids would be "in the system" & they would only traumatize the kids more. We got some big askanim involved & all the kids where placed in competent foster homes & they get together from time to time. Everyone is together with a sibling or more. They are so happy.
So I would think twice about calling CPS.

I don't know where you live, but in Israel it is illegal to have informal foster care. Foster families must be approved and overseen by foster care services, and by extension, the revacha which is CPS in Israel.
As the person in the revacha that you would report to, I have to give you my take on this. I operate on the philosophy that parents have the right to raise their children as they see fit, unless they are harming or neglecting the child. Tachlis, this means that if you call me bcz. the mother screams a lot, but the children seem happy and well cared for, as per school staff reports, I really don't have a lot of material to work with. I would need several disturbing factors to really investigate, and even then if the kids seem ok, it would take a lot to prove that something is going on. It seems that neighbors didn't see or know the kids well enough to put all the clues together. The story is beyond horrific, but I'm not really seeing why people would blame the neighbors.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Tue, Jan 23 2018, 7:21 am
Blessing1 wrote:
As another poster mention, I'd talk to a Rav or try to get askanim involved first. We had neighbors that have 12 kids, the older ones got out of the house & told us horror stories about what the father is doing to them. They would hide under the bed when he was home. He threw them down the stairs multiple times, among many other horrible things. The mother is bipolar or manic. We neighbors decided that if we called child services, the kids would be "in the system" & they would only traumatize the kids more. We got some big askanim involved & all the kids where placed in competent foster homes & they get together from time to time. Everyone is together with a sibling or more. They are so happy.
So I would think twice about calling CPS.


Do you know that for a fact or are you diagnosing her yourself? Why not say that the mother may have some sort of untreated, uncontrolled mental illness?

My husband has bipolar II, for which he takes meds to control symptoms. He's a loving father who has never laid a hand on any of his kids.

I feel horrible for any children who have to hide from a crazy father, and whose mother is not protecting them. But lets not further the stigma against people with mental health conditions who act responsibly, take care care of themselves, and are excellent parents.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Tue, Jan 23 2018, 7:25 am
I'm not sure what I would do in any given situation, but just want to say this: I know a family where dyfus was called, due to possible molestation of their son (not by the parents, but by another individual, and dyfus was called to look into the situation). As it happens, the family is pretty dysfunctional.

Dyfus came down, asked lots of questions, wrote lots of reports, and....did absolutely nothing. (I was hoping they'd get more help in the situation, but sadly, that did not happen.)
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 23 2018, 9:07 am
rainbow dash wrote:
I think that if every one had called to complain about them then maybe if cps had seen all the complaints together they might have done something about it.

That's not the way CPS works. They won't take down a report unless it meets their criteria. I know because I once called in concerns and when they said it didn't qualify, I asked if they could at least just take down a record in case something else comes up with the same children later then they'll have that additional information to help them understand what's going on. And they said nope, if it's not enough to open a case then there's nowhere to put any record. It was one of the most frustrating experiences ever. Banging head
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amother
Blush


 

Post Tue, Jan 23 2018, 9:35 am
It's better to involve the community in mild cases than call cps.

The only time I would call authorities: if I saw a parent physically abuse or neglect a child (leaving outside in the cold, not feeding a child, doing a real beating) AND I felt the parent would not respond to offers of help or advice well.

Some ppl were treated this way as kids and think it's normal, so I would prefer that they first be approached by someone and if I saw that they changed their behavior, I would not call.

I have a skinny child who begs random strangers who are eating for food. Please don't report me to cps. He only eats a few bites at a time and I literally spend my whole day feeding him.
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Blessing1




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 23 2018, 10:32 am
Amother crimson, the kids are in legal formal foster care. The askanim just made sure they all go to heimish home where they would feel most comfortable in.
Amother dodgerball why would you say I'm making up a diagnosis? She's one of the two & I wasn't sure which. Now I know she's manic.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Tue, Jan 23 2018, 11:01 am
Blessing1 wrote:
Amother crimson, the kids are in legal formal foster care. The askanim just made sure they all go to heimish home where they would feel most comfortable in.
Amother dodgerball why would you say I'm making up a diagnosis? She's one of the two & I wasn't sure which. Now I know she's manic.


I asked if you were, I didn't say you were.

I also felt the need to say that being manic or bipolar does not automatically make someone a bad parent. Your post says that the father is abusive, and then states that the mother is either manic or bipolar. The feeling one gets from that is that she's not much more of a parent than the father is...
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Blessing1




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 23 2018, 11:28 am
You're right, the mom isn't much of a parent but she never hurt or abused the kids. But I guess her standing by & not doing anything when she saw her husband hurting them makes her an accomplice.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Tue, Jan 23 2018, 11:31 am
Blessing1 wrote:
You're right, the mom isn't much of a parent but she never hurt or abused the kids. But I guess her standing by & not doing anything when she saw her husband hurting them makes her an accomplice.


Not because she's manic, but because she's choosing not to take a stand for her kids.

If she's manic and not treating her mania, that might also be contributing to the issue.
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