Seconds at a Simcha (s/o Sweets Table)

octopus

Fri, Feb 02 2018, 2:50 pm

amother wrote:

Where I live price is per person, not per plate (in all instances I've dealt with) Where you live, its per plate not per person.

In the price per plate model - caterer who tells his waitstaff to walk around offering more food - is certainly engaging in some questionable business practices.

I have never, ever been to a simcha where the wait staff has offered me extra if I cleared my plate. Nor has my spouse!

ETA: Where I live many people are invited to various parts of a wedding. Could be smorgasbord and chuppah only, could be that plus the meal, or you could be invited to just the dancing. If they would start counting based on how many people go to simcha, it is not an accurate gauge of who is actually invited for the meal.

amother

Royalblue

Fri, Feb 02 2018, 3:16 pm

octopus wrote:

Okay - well that was the OPs question...

We are talking here specifically about a seated dinner guests.

how a caterer deals with smorgasbord and chuppah only is another scenario. Certainly if a host invites 300 for dinner and an additional 200 to smorgasbord only that would be built into the contract.

Bnei Berak 10

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 1:03 pm

Squishy wrote:

This happens a lot. Unexpected guests show up at weddings and the staff serves them. My litvish friend was dumbfounded when she was hit with 40 extra plates at her daughter's chassanah. Her daughter married into a hassidish family.

At the weddings I go to, there are no assigned tables and always room for one more.

40 ppl showed up just like that?! That's just incredible incredible rude! to come and say mazal tov is one thing, to sit down for a full dinner without a dinner invitation is simply unforgivable.

This shows all of us how important it is to be very clear towards the host if you are attending or not. I always call host in advance telling if won't be able to participate. And hosts should be very clear (and firm!) with invitations (I.e. no children at the function if that is the case) and also be very clear with the mechutanim. And the caterer. I think anyone who has arranged a simcha will be most grateful for guests who are clear if they will attend or not. They have a lot of logistics on their head so it's very helpful if ppl show some cooperation.

Raisin

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 6:37 pm

I would assume that the caterer is paid for say, 300 people, and only 275 turned up, so there was extra portions in the kitchen. Talking about the type of wedding (the type I normally go to) where people always rsvp and would not turn up without having done so. But of course, some of the people who replied they are coming might not turn up.

there is usually so much food at weddings I find it hard to believe even the hungriest person would need more food.

When I am catering a meal or function I know that some people eat tiny amounts and some people eat huge amounts but it usually evens out.

33055

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 7:50 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

These chassunahs are different than you are used to, and it isn't considered rude are all. Showing up and eating is a sign of respect.

When I got married, the invitations went out very close to the chassunah. There was no time for RSVPs. DH guessed a number. I had many guests on the ladies side who I didn't know. Some were the wives of DH's friends, and many showed up to welcome me into the community. Some I met years later, and they told me they were there.

Everyone has busy lives, and I don't believe anyone came for a free meal.

Reality

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 8:27 pm

octopus wrote:

I second that. I have never been offered more food for being a clean plate ranger!

This whole OP is bizarre.

creditcards

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 11:13 pm

The place where I live the caterer prepares the amount of portions that were paid for in advance. They make sure to put out only the amount of chairs as amount of portions. If extra people come they don't have where to sit. There is no more left in the kitchen when all portions are used up. Its up to the bal simcha to make an accurate estimate of how many people will show up. The bal simcha can take home all extra food.

imamothertoo

Sun, Feb 04 2018, 12:16 am

I have made a few weddings, bar mitzvahs, kiddushim and brisim. Here’s my take on it.
When I make a wedding I give the caterer a number of anticipated guests I am anticipating. My bill for the caterer is paid up the afternoon before the Simcha. Therefore any unused portions are mine to take home if I so choose. If one of my guests is hungry and all other guests were already served, it would be my greatest pleasure to let him have another portion.
But I do have an issue with people who come to my Simcha (kiddish, vort etc) where I spent money on a party planner and nice miniatures for my guests who come and others feel it’s ok to just walk off and take home for the rest of their family. Because I don’t want to run short on food I overorder knowing that I can always throw the extra yodels and stuff in the freezer and use it on Shabbos for dessert and my grandchildren would love the cookies. Why should someone feel it’s ok to take home for their kids. ( exception would be if their kid was supposed to come and ended up staying home cuz they were sick or babysitting). I order to have enough food for my guests and not to supple their family at home.

chanchy123

Sun, Feb 04 2018, 3:04 am

amother wrote:

That's not fair, nor is it gluttony. People come in different shapes and sizes with different appetites.

I've never heard of the concept of a caterer charging extra for a guest having a second portion. I've only heard that any food leftover after a simcha is property of the caterer. However - there are lots of business models.

In Israel, the family gets to keep leftovers from the simcha. Many times the chattan and kala take home wedding leftovers to have for lunch. I've also seen people serve wedding leftovers at shabbos sheva brochot to cut costs. What would the caterer have to do with all those leftovers? At best they are donated to food banks but at worst they go to the trash, it would't be safe to serve again at a simcha.

I agree that having seconds is not gluttony. If the waitstaff offers it seems pretty reasonable to accept.

EDIT
In Israel (at least in my circles) usually caterers in a hall will charge by table, the caterer will charge for 90% of guests who are RSVPed (or just a set portion of guests if it's a non-RSVP crowd - also maybe it's not 90% don't remember exactly), and set up accordingly - then there are extra tables that are out but not set up. If everyone ends up showing up or unexpected guests show up, these tables are quickly made up and the host is charged for them. I have been to so many simchas where people RSVPed they would be coming, but they leave after the first course. The meal has already been paid for - why shouldn't someone else enjoy something that would otherwise be trashed?

chanchy123

Sun, Feb 04 2018, 6:20 am

So now I actually read through the sweet table thread - and I want to add that I also have had a bad experience with people being piggish at a simcha. We made a kiddush exactly 8 days after DD was born on shabbat. We planned a fleishig kiddush, with kugels and cholent. I baked up a storm, DH made the cholent and bought a kugel, plus other kugels I made (PP - baby was born on Shabbat). We had tons of food, and a small bar including a bottle of good scotch. People swarmed at the food. DH and I got nothing to eat because we were busy entertaining and there was not a morsel of food left over (we had counted on the cholent and kugel to be our lunch - but we were left nothing at all - we understand now that that was a mistake, but being guests in similar kiddushim, we figured that a fleishig kiddush is enough for lunch), and two or three men sat at the bar and finished off the entire bottle of scotch. We didn't know how to take it away from them without being stingy. We were OK with our guests finishing off the bottle - but not for two guests we hardly even know, it was for everyone. It was a nightmare.