How should I have handled this

amother

Periwinkle

Thu, Feb 08 2018, 10:26 pm

My three and five yr old sounded like they were having too much fun and were up to nogood. I peeked in on them and they were both in their birthday suits and singing and dancing away. When they get to that point of silly being harsh doesnt help. I stood outside the door and said I am baking a cake after dinner. I am counting to 10 now and then coming in the room. Only kids who are dressed when I come in can help me bake. My kids LOVE baking. They completely ignored me and I was shocked and out of ideas. I did a desperate thing. I took a bag of candy and announced only dressed ppl get candy. Mmmm chocolate lentils.. Totty what color do u want...that did the trick and they got back dressed. I feel like that was terrible parenting. I essentially rewarded them with candy for stopping to do a totally inappropriate thing...what should I have done.

imasinger

Thu, Feb 08 2018, 10:59 pm

In the moment, what you did wasn't bad. You got the behavior to stop, which was your main objective.

Now, follow up by having a conversation when everyone is calm about the importance of tznius (as age appropriate), and why it is expected that we wear clothes. Announce that wearing clothes is a house rule.

If they do the unclothed dance again, walk in, say briskly, "whoops, you forgot the rule? OK, each of you gets to choose. 5 year old, do you want to put your own clothes back on, or do you want me to do it? 3 year old, how about you? Let's see how fast you can be; I'm going to count to 500 (I find this works better than 10 because then they are confident they will win, so they usually cooperate faster), and see whether I finish first, or you do... Hey, you won! Great job, I'm so glad you remembered the rule."

And the next day that everyone keeps their clothes on, say, "I'm so proud of you for keeping the tznius rule, I'm going to give you a chocolate lentil today! I don't do this every single day you remember, but I definitely only do it on a day that you do."

Intermittent reward, given for desired behavior.

They'll forget all about today.

unexpected

Thu, Feb 08 2018, 11:31 pm

They sound so cute! I don't think you did the wrong thing- desperate times call for desperate measures, and sugar solves all problems. If it happens again you might try saying, okay now you have to stay in your room, and closing the door and walking away. These kinds of things get old really fast.

Fox

Fri, Feb 09 2018, 1:09 am

I think you did great, OP. I concur completely with Imasinger and Unexpected. Sometimes when you're faced with a passel of naked kids, bribery is the best alternative.

Just be glad they weren't prancing down the street -- that happened to a neighbor of mine.

FranticFrummie

Fri, Feb 09 2018, 5:48 am

Maybe this will help you feel better.

One Shabbos I was by some friends of mine, and they had several other couples over. About halfway through the meal, my friend's 3yo excuses himself from the table for a minute.

He comes back in completely naked, waving his privates around, and announcing "Look eveyrone, I have a pen*s! When I do this it sticks up!!"

shock

Oh yeah, good times. I silently thanked Hashem that he gave me a girl. LOL

amother

Puce

Fri, Feb 09 2018, 6:51 am

Op we generally aim to follow certain guidelines that we hope lead our children on the path to healthy adulthood. Based on your guilt you clearly understand the importance of a properly disciplined upbringing. But life ain't perfect and we all have our days and even supermom slips up!!. This is a minor no biggie. Dnt sweat it

FranticFrummie

Fri, Feb 09 2018, 9:01 am

When I was little, my mom said that she couldn't buy me any colored panties, because I would insist on showing EVERYONE. The mailman, the grocery clerk, the neighbors... embarrassed

It's totally innocent. Just keep giving them gentle lessons on keeping covered.