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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
IPod touch for a BY girl?



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amother
Peach


 

Post Sat, May 12 2018, 9:52 pm
My daughter is turning 12 and is begging for an iPod touch. She's a sweet girl, not tech savvy at all. The girls in her class don't have it, though some are talking about it. She knows we are worried about texting / whatsapp but if her classmates don't have it there's less of a chance of her running into trouble with it. Her cousins have it though and she feels left out of things that she can't participate with them. Ideally she wants it to take pictures and to play games. Mainly for when we go somewhere as a family. I offered her a camera but she said it's too complicated for her and besides, she wants to be able to easily show others her pics.
I have no issue with her having controlled internet access. She has access to tablets and I'd get her her own tablet (with restrictions as to its use). But something about the iPod touch just feels like a gateway to texting etc. I'm trying to hold it off as long as possible. We live in a yeshivish environment and the other kids around her don't have it. I wouldn't want her to be the one to bring it to the block or to the school.
What do you think? I want her to be happy. She's such a good girl and I want to give her the world. But I also don't want to give in to peer pressure and do something I'm not comfortable with. He w do I explain this to her in a satisfying way? Or, are my sensitivities misplaced and should I get it for her?
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amother
Teal


 

Post Sat, May 12 2018, 10:37 pm
When we "give our children the world", we aren't always doing them a favor. Sometimes saying no is the best thing we can do for them, even if it doesn't feel "happy."

Your daughter is still innocent, and still free from tech-addiction. Even if she is 100% protected from inappropriate websites, she is still tied to a cell phone which will slowly wrap its tentacles around her and become an extended part of her hand and brain. Technology in this generation was psychologically designed to addict users.

For that reason alone I would lovingly tell her no, and wait for a good several years before she gets a cell phone.

Beyond that, I wouldn't want my daughter to go to school with a classmate who has such a device. It makes these things the norm, creates a "I-want-it-too!" feeling in the class, and frankly, lowers the ruchynius barometer.

I do feel it appropriate to mention that I personally believe we should try to rise to the level of the kosher phone, making that the norm, but I totally understand the struggle and desire to have more up-to-date phones with extra access. I commend anyone who takes the step to switch over. OP, please keep in mind not just the NOW, but the future. What doors will this IPOD open for her, in the current moment, in the next year, and in ten years from now.

Maybe, if she really "needs" a phone, get her a kosher phone.
If she really needs to take pictures, get her the simplest camera around and explain to her why the IPOD isn't an option.
And if she really needs games, get her a Gameboy with Mario, DonkeyKong, etc.
Bundle it all up in a package and tell her you love her so much that you were willing to spend a lot of money to get her devices that can fulfill her desires in function, but that the IPOD is not something you want her to have, ALSO BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER!
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Sat, May 12 2018, 10:39 pm
IF you use parental controls on the iPod touch, and do not enable the app store or the browser, it is no less safe than other devices IMHO.

An iPod touch is not a phone, you would need to use a specific app for texting (Google Hangouts, WhatsApp, Facetime, etc.) - if you are the only one that can install apps she won't be able to do so on her own, and you can always block certain apps from parental controls.

You can also block all websites by default, and unblock the ones you don't mind her visiting.

If you are not tech savvy at all, it is probably not a good idea.

If you do get her one, explain that the restrictions are for HER safety, not to make things hard for her. Explain that if she is constantly banging into the "fences" that shows that either the fences are too restrictive or that she is unaware of the dangers. Make sure she understands why you are filtering/limiting etc. and be ready to make reasonable changes if she asks for them.
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amother
Slateblue


 

Post Sat, May 12 2018, 10:54 pm
No way Jose. 12 is way to young in my opinion. Why would you want her busy with such a thing at that age? And making her happy is important, but not MOST important. Keeping her healthy probably trumps that, and I doubt an iPod Touch is healthy for a child. It’s very distracting and creates a technology dependence.
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amother
Peach


 

Post Sat, May 12 2018, 11:17 pm
You're right, I really don't want her to have it. Already bought her a cool camera (that she doesn't know about yet) but I know she will be disappointed that it's not an iPod touch. How do I strengthen her against peer pressure when she's with those that have it? How do I prevent her from feeling like a "neb"?
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amother
Teal


 

Post Sun, May 13 2018, 12:03 am
Strengthen her self esteem. Make her feel proud for going against a trend. Build her up. Make it a point of pride, not of nebbiness.
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Sun, May 13 2018, 5:05 am
op she's very young for technology like this. Yes technology today was set up to be addicted. Ds wants a game oy and being that so many kids have it I'm gonna possibly have to give in and buy it at a certain point because his friends all have it.

I know it's gonna distract him from many things and is very addictive and expensive. I'm in a similar situation.
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Sun, May 13 2018, 5:11 am
Op if your gonna be strong in your decision that this is not ok, and explain to her how proud you are of her that she isn't giving in to the technology craze. Reward her in other ways. Spend quality time. Buy her something meaningful you know she will enjoy, teach her how destructive this is. Once you have this you want more.
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Sun, May 13 2018, 7:05 am
12 years old is young. I have a cousin (15 year old) who comes from a broken home and she told me and only me, she is ready to buy herself a smartphone.
I said listen how about I give my old phone and you use Wi-Fi. It has whatsapp on it and all but you won't use YouTube.
I supervise her, sometimes she watches YouTube. I blocked it somehow she unblocked it even though I am alot more tech savvy then she is. I personally think your daughter should not have it until she graduates High school.
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amother
Peach


 

Post Sun, May 13 2018, 7:19 am
To me there is a difference between a tablet at home and a device she takes with her. I can't explain why, it just feels different. Thank you for the support everybody!!
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Sun, May 13 2018, 4:01 pm
amother wrote:
My daughter is turning 12 and is begging for an iPod touch. She's a sweet girl, not tech savvy at all. The girls in her class don't have it, though some are talking about it. She knows we are worried about texting / whatsapp but if her classmates don't have it there's less of a chance of her running into trouble with it. Her cousins have it though and she feels left out of things that she can't participate with them. Ideally she wants it to take pictures and to play games. Mainly for when we go somewhere as a family. I offered her a camera but she said it's too complicated for her and besides, she wants to be able to easily show others her pics.
I have no issue with her having controlled internet access. She has access to tablets and I'd get her her own tablet (with restrictions as to its use). But something about the iPod touch just feels like a gateway to texting etc. I'm trying to hold it off as long as possible. We live in a yeshivish environment and the other kids around her don't have it. I wouldn't want her to be the one to bring it to the block or to the school.
What do you think? I want her to be happy. She's such a good girl and I want to give her the world. But I also don't want to give in to peer pressure and do something I'm not comfortable with. He w do I explain this to her in a satisfying way? Or, are my sensitivities misplaced and should I get it for her?


Don’t reward her for being good, or try to make her happy with technology!youll end up regretting it!!!
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BH5745




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 13 2018, 4:42 pm
Definitely something I would not buy a 12 year old. Or myself for that matter. Of course your DD wants it for things that are 'kosher' (now), but it's such a time wasting trap at best. And a 12 year old probably doesn't have the seichal or self-control to use a device that's open to anything, anywhere properly at all times. If the cousins' parents want to take this risk with their own children... then good luck to them.
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amother
Peach


 

Post Sun, May 13 2018, 5:47 pm
Update: I just gave her the camera that we bought her and she is thrilled! This was after a heart to heart about my concerns with texting. I told her it's not a forever no, just a no for now and to reevaluated in the future. And when she is with her cousins she can take my phone so she will feel like she's fitting in more. Most amazing part? She thanked me for listening to her and for talking to her about it. Thank you all for the chizuk!
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