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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
Child's friend calls me by my first name



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amother


 

Post Sun, Oct 14 2007, 1:54 am
My daughter has a sweet friend who comes to our house to play. I also see her when I drop my daughter off at school. She's in second grade.

The friend has always called me by my first name, presumably because she hears her mother calling me that. Since last year I have asked her to please call me Mrs. _____. I'm not comfortable being called by my first name by young children. I'm OK with it once kids are past high school age, or with somewhat younger kids who are on a more familiar basis with me for some specific reason.

Well, despite my requests, this girl just hasn't broken the habit. Maybe two or three times she has called me Mrs. _______, and each time I gave her a BIG smile and once even hugged her and told her how much I appreciated it. But since then, we are back to my first name, and I cringe every time.

Any suggestions? I thought of talking to her mother, who I'm very friendly with. But although I'd like to put a stop to this, I don't want it to seem like a bigger deal than it is. I don't want to unintentionally cause any bad feelings over this.
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shalhevet




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 14 2007, 3:02 am
Did you read the other thread about calling by a first name?

So the first question is which country do you live in?
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amother


 

Post Sun, Oct 14 2007, 10:20 am
I'm in the U.S. I read the other thread, but that was about an adult calling another adult by her first name. I'm talking about a 7-year-old. I am not her peer; I'm her friend's mother. I'm Mrs. _____ to children (but not to other adults).
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shopaholic




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 14 2007, 10:26 am
I dunno. I specifically told my friends to have their kids call me by name. Mrs. ____ is too old for me & it's my MIL's name!
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 14 2007, 10:30 am
ask her to call you Mrs "firstname" ... it's a level ... that's what I say to those who insist their kids call me mrs ... works both ways ...
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Clarissa




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 14 2007, 11:13 am
There's a friend of my son's who always calls me Mrs. X even though I tell her to call me by my first name. Funny thing is, I'm not even really Mrs X, as I use my own last name and didn't take my husband's name. I guess that her mother told her to call everyone by their last name, so that's what she does. I'm okay with the first name thing, personally, but I understand those who aren't.

Off-topic but I always had this uncomfortable issue with my in-laws, who didn't want me to call them by their first names, but I wasn't comfortable with Mom and Dad, and of course Mr. and Mrs. didn't work. Everyone has always called my parents by their first names, so that's how I was raised.

OP, it sounds like you're doing everything you can. Positive feedback for doing it the way you want, and gentle reminders when need be.
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Crayon210




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 14 2007, 11:15 am
OP, you should definitely bring it up to the mother of this girl. It's not proper for her to call you by first name.
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GAMZu




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 18 2007, 11:34 pm
Don't bring it up with her mother. It's not such a great issue that need her involvement.
Just keep on giving small reminders.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Oct 18 2007, 11:53 pm
How old are you? How many kids do you have?

Maybe it varies by community (I'm also in the US), but I feel that it's pretty acceptable for kids to call young mothers with one or two little kids by their first names-- but then, once a mother is older and has older kids, she would for sure be addressed by Mrs.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Oct 18 2007, 11:54 pm
Crayon210 wrote:
OP, you should definitely bring it up to the mother of this girl. It's not proper for her to call you by first name.


OP here: That's how I feel. If I wouldn't let my own child call me by my first name, why should her friend?

I "switch over" to first-name basis with kids who are out of high school... an adult is an adult. But a 7-year-old??? It just really rubs me the wrong way.

That all said... I have a few very close friends who want my kids to call them by their first names, and although I tried to fight it at first, "Mrs. ____" just never caught on with these friends and I've let my kids call them by their first names. They are exceptions, though.
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justcallmeima




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 9:17 pm
FWIW, I had this with a good friend of mine. She is from England and my parents are from England. She and I were very close but no children in our community calls adults by their first names. Calling me Mrs. Just, didn't seem right given how close we were. In England, (in my parents days) you called adults Mr. or Mrs. Last Name, but if the parents were very close, you called them Auntie or Uncle First Name. That's what we did with our kids, and it worked for us. Smile Fond memories!
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 17 2014, 9:43 pm
um, justcallmeima, this thread is 7 years old. Either the little girl has broken the habit, or OP has accepted that she never will. "Auntie Firstname" is a very good solution, though. Some people object to it because, they say, I'm not the child's aunt. Nitpickers.
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