13 year old and family wedding

odchai

Wed, Oct 10 2007, 10:12 am

My SIL is getting married in a few weeks and we already found a gown that is in the blue family for my 13 year old daughter who is the oldest grandchild in the family. Blue was the chosen wedding color. The dress needs some alterations. Today my other two SILs found very pretty gowns all in the same color (not blue) for the rest of the granddaughters in the family (6 others besides my daughter) and I want my daughter to wear what the other girls are wearing and match with them and my SILs agree that it would look best if all the girls match. Problem is she is not interested. How much do I push her? The girls range in age from 13 (mine) to 2. It's not like my daughter is so much older than her cousins.

Clarissa

Wed, Oct 10 2007, 10:17 am

If it wasn't arranged in advance (for all the girls to match color), I probably wouldn't push. I'd ask if she wants to wear the same color as all of her cousins. Either she'll want to fit in with them, or she'll want to express herself and wear a dress she already loves. You can push a little bit ("wouldn't you enjoy having all the girls wear the same color as you?") but I probably wouldn't bother. After all, she's a teenaged girl. Maybe dressing similarly to a bunch of younger kids, including a toddler, doesn't appeal to someone who is feeling more grown up than the others.

Honestly, having a bunch of kids dressed alike isn't my thing, anyway. I like when kids are wearing something special to them, if they're old enough to care.

greenfire

Wed, Oct 10 2007, 4:33 pm

it can sound fun by a wedding ... on the other hand a 13 yr old (especially one with pms) certainly wants to feel older than a 2 year old - so ... listen to her need.

lamplighter

Wed, Oct 10 2007, 4:45 pm

if she really wants to wear teh dress that she picked and likes, I think u should let it go. Sounds like she wants to fit in wiht the adults and thats ok. If the kallah specifically wants her to match the neices, she can make her request directly, mre likely to impact and touch a 13 year old girl.

HooRYou

Sun, Oct 14 2007, 1:50 am

I would let her know that in the end the decision on which dress to wear is up to her (and keep that) but offer her a chance to go back and see if there is another dress she lieks even better in the other color. A lot of girls love shopping and you might luck out and she really will find something she likes more. I think, however, that the chances are slim and she will not find something else she likes better since she has her mind set on this dress. Just rejoice in the fact that you found something she likes at all and don't forget to tell your DD how gorgeous she looks in the dress before the chasuna. Use this as a building opportunity.

Imaonwheels

Sun, Oct 21 2007, 12:02 am

If there was a chosen color, why did your sil get something different for her girls?

13 yr olds never want to match little girls,never.

Color schemes in a wedding are a prime example of tefel over ikkar (something less important over the greater issue) and should never cause discord.

I liked the shopping offer except why should you buy 2 gowns because your sil went against the chosen scheme?

odchai

Sun, Oct 21 2007, 2:23 am

Baruch Hashem we resolved the situation. My daughter is going to wear what her cousins are wearing and she is very happy about the choice because in the end I really left it up to her. We weighed the pros and cons together and after I reassured her that she will still look different because we will get her different shoes and fix her differently and wear special jewelry and various other subtleties she was enthusiastic about matching with the rest. And everyone is happy...till the next time!