Very upset! | Imamother

Chaya123

Tue, Nov 06 2007, 2:21 pm

On a general basis, my job is very good B"H. I get paid well, on time, and enjoy the work and workmates. However, my boss insists on full time work, places a huge responsibility on me, and could really be nasty when something goes wrong. I never get thanked when things are done right and only get blamed and yelled at for everything that goes wrong. I just got called into his office and he yelled at me really disgusting for something that went wrong that is maybe a drop my fault if anything but definitely not completely if not at all. He embarrassed me in front of 2 co workers and was really disgusting. I cried to husband for 1/2 hr on the phone afterwards and had to interrupt his learning.
I'm very nervous for this bec every time it comes up, it really ruins my menuchas hanefesh and being that I'm very sensitive and take everything very to heart, it really bothers me and reduces me to tears. I'm IYH having a baby in 2.5 mths and am petrified to come back working full time and with such heavy responsibility and getting blamed for every little thing that goes wrong. However, I feel stuck bec I'll never get this pay in a new place and who says the new place will be better. For this reason I never leave and am working here for over 8 yrs. Dh is currently learning full time but willing to get a job if it's too hard for me.
As it is, I'm shlepping myself to work every day, exhausted, and chalishing to see daughter earlier in day, instead of having her be babysat by husband all afternoon 'til I come home a shmatta and exhausted.
thanks for listening.

gold21

Tue, Nov 06 2007, 3:47 pm

oy.
its difficult to choose the best thing for you.
I just wanna say that YOU are an important person, and your feelings and thoughts are valuable. If you feel that this is not a lifestyle for you, where you are overwhelmed and stressed and miss your kids and expecting a baby, you are very very possibly correct in your self-analysis!! Just remember to stay in touch with yourself and your feelings, and dont get lost in a sea of "you should do this" "you should do it that way" etc. You are the one who knows whats best for you. If its too hard for you, then STOP. im serious.
is dh able to learn in the afternoons when he babysits your child? or is he too busy with her and cannot learn? ive always wondered about these setups. just a curiosity of my own. cuz the wife is working to spport her dh in kollel who is spending half the day babysitting so that the woman can continue working! like what? a little bit of gender role confusion.
good luck hon!

Chaya123

Wed, Nov 07 2007, 9:41 am

Suo, he chose me to yell at bec decided it was partially my responsibility that something went wrong. I don't mind taking achrayus for something I did wrong but firstly, I didn't even understand what I did wrong, and secondly, he said it so disgustingly, making me feel like a piece of dirt and embarrassing me in front of 2 workmates.
Gold, my husband babysits during Bein Hasedorim, when he's home anyway.

gold21

Wed, Nov 07 2007, 10:00 am

your boss sounds like a creep.
cant you find a better job? my gosh. why do you have to stay with this freak? listen, you have bitachon in Hashem right? thats why your dh is in kollel, right? cuz you believe that Hashem will help support your family. So you should also believe that Hashem can find you a better job. No? Maybe a job with less hours so you can actually enjoy your kids?

momluv

Wed, Nov 07 2007, 10:06 am

Does he do this often to you-blame you when something goes wrong? we used to tease my boss when he was tense and calm him down. we told him that it won't help to scream. it usually worked. sometimes though, he'd vent at a customer if they were being really frustrating. such incidents, I'll never forget cuz after those he'd be laughing again. very easygoing guy. maybe he does cuz he's tense about something and try to calm him down. ex: offer drink or s/t to eat.

LisaS

Wed, Nov 07 2007, 10:38 am

My husband was in a similar situation. He used to come home from work upset. This boss was the only thing about the job he didn't like but an important factor. He switched jobs and now is totally happy with the job except the pay is much lower. But still worth it to have less pay but a happy work environment. Good luck!

stsmommy

Wed, Nov 07 2007, 5:38 pm

LisaS wrote:

I agree! unhappiness with a job is unahappiness that could seep into your life and make you be more irritable at people who are not the cause of the problem. With your experience you should be bale to et a new job that will eventually build in payment. you deserve to be treated right!

amother

Wed, Nov 07 2007, 10:49 pm

As a single mom I work to support myself, I was treated a lot like you and she used to insult me in front of customers. I decided that I would rather not work and not have money than having to be in such an environment. But b'h I have a lot of bitachon in Hashem and I told HIM that he sees what I'm going through and he knows how much I depend on the money, I simply asked for HIS help. It didnt take too long that I b'h found a better paying job with a pheonomonal boss.
You definitely shouldn't let yourself be treated this way--You totally dont deserve it. Either stick up for yourself and make a stop to it, or find yourself a new job, and the rest, leave it up to Hashem.....
Good Luck!!!!