Bringing food | Imamother

Petra

Thu, Nov 29 2007, 3:30 pm

If someone could please explain this logic: I made a cholent for my family for shabbos lunch (I had to spend shabbos working in the hospital) and my husband took it over to a friends house to share. The friend served the meat cholent in plastic and said it wasn't that he didn't trust our kashrut, it was so that other people wouldn't get the impression that he made the cholent (with his personal level of kashrus). First of all, nobody else was there but his family and my family, so his excuse doesn't seem to be applicable at all. I don't understand what he was trying to say but it seemed to me he didn't trust our level of kashrus. And I'm slightly offended.

Helani

Thu, Nov 29 2007, 3:40 pm

I don't use my dishes for anyone else's food either. Even people who I eat by. The logic behind that is that when somebody comes to my house and eats my food they put their trust in what they know about me and my level of kashrus. Could be the person I am perfectly fine eating by, they don't hold by. For example, if somebody would make something cholav yisroel in non-cholov yisroel pan, I wouldn't care. But some of my friends wouldn't use dishes used for non cholov yisroel things. So, if I use my plates for that stuff I can end in a situation where I mislead somebody else.
Hope that makes some sense, and let's you give the other family the benefit of doubt.

Lani22

Thu, Nov 29 2007, 3:44 pm

I just think if you are going to make a rule not to use your dishes for other peoples food you should just not eat others people food!
Does that make sense?

DefyGravity

Thu, Nov 29 2007, 3:57 pm

I think it's strange to bring cholent next door to share. I've never really understood that concept and would be a little annoyed if someone brought their cholent over to my house. I want people to eat all of MY cholent, I don't need another cholent competing with mine.

chocolate moose

Thu, Nov 29 2007, 4:00 pm

are you sure there were 2 cholents in question? maybe they had a different menu.

I only make cholent a few times a year; not everyone makes and eats cholent.

Mrs. XYZ

Thu, Nov 29 2007, 4:03 pm

I understand that you would be offended but I also dont think its right to just send over food to people without asking/offering them beforehand (especially meat). You're sort of putting them on the spot. Yes many people are very machmir on kashrus and wouldn't eat just any food/meat. So what did you want them to do, throw it back in your face? or just not serve it at all?

DefyGravity

Thu, Nov 29 2007, 4:11 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

are you sure there were 2 cholents in question? maybe they had a different menu.

I only make cholent a few times a year; not everyone makes and eats cholent.

It doesn't matter what food I made, I don't want anyone bringing other food to my table that will cause less of my own food to be eaten.

cookielady

Thu, Nov 29 2007, 4:38 pm

I f I work hard to cook and plan a menu, I don't appreciate when ppl bring food (w/o checking with me first) and expect me to serve it.

greenfire

Thu, Nov 29 2007, 4:53 pm

hey I only like my food anyway ...

but to eat it ... but not on his dishes ... is crazy and double-standard ...

I once had a guest over and before he came he sent his wife to see if I ate cholov yisroel ... I said I was serving meaty not milky ... even though (at that time) I did eat c"y - why on earth would it matter ... ask me where I got my meat instead ... Twisted Evil

:

grrrrrrrrrrr - was it good cholent ... I don't much eat cholent but the other week both dd and me were so in the mood ... What

DefyGravity

Thu, Nov 29 2007, 4:54 pm

cookielady wrote:

I f I work hard to cook and plan a menu, I don't appreciate when ppl bring food (w/o checking with me first) and expect me to serve it.

Exactly.

chocolate moose

Thu, Nov 29 2007, 5:01 pm

When we eat out, I always used to bring something. BUT if the family often comes to us AND we go to them, I stopped bringing or asking them to bring anylthing.

But the dishes thing is weird.....

Petra

Thu, Nov 29 2007, 9:29 pm

It just so happens that he invited my husband and cholent over to his house. Why would we impose our food on someone else if we weren't asked or didn't ask ahead of time? I'd be annoyed to if someone did that to me. Plus, he hadn't prepared a large meal for lunch anyway. Basically, it was he and his kids and my husband with our kids. So it was two guys with their kids having an informal meal.
I could now see that maybe he didn't want to use his dishes in case he thought his level of kashrus was not to the standards of ours and he didn't want to mix...but somehow that logic didn't get conveyed to my husband. I hadn't thought of it that way though.

louche

Fri, Nov 30 2007, 2:12 pm

I was abit confused but I THINK I understand op's neighbor's reasoning wich is to say--op, let me know if this is right:

The neighbor is known to observe a certain level of kashrut in his home.

This level of kashrut may be higher than his personal standard. IOW, he follows a certain strictness in his home so that peoplewho are stricter than he is for himself (let's call them the Glatt family) will be able to eat by him.

If he puts food on his dishes that he didn't prepare himslef, he is "trefing them up"--in a manner of speaking, not literally--for the Glatts.

while he is willing to eat your food b/c your kashrut is acceptable to him, he won't put it on his dishes b/c it may not be acceptable to the Glatts.

there is a certain logic to it.

louche

Fri, Nov 30 2007, 2:16 pm

DefyGravity wrote:

cookielady wrote:

I f I work hard to cook and plan a menu, I don't appreciate when ppl bring food (w/o checking with me first) and expect me to serve it.

Exactly.

this question came up on dear abby not long ago. a woman complained that guests came for dinner and brought a bunch of veggies from their garden. she was annoyed that she "had to" prep and cook the veggies then and there, messing up her menu and delaying the meal.

abby responded that guests who bring food when they come to dinner are bringing a gift for the hosts to enjoy at their leisure and the host is not obligated to serve it at that meal.

He*Sings*To*Me

Fri, Nov 30 2007, 4:13 pm

Helani wrote:

This is how we hold as well.

OP: I'm sorry you were offended. It's actually a fairly common practice and it is nothing personal.