thinking of aliya with a teen

catonmylap

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 7:44 am

There are housing benefits of a certain amount per month. I'm not quite up on what the latest benefits are. She should check with nefesh b'nefesh. If she is not making it financially in the USA, moving to Israel probably won't solve her problems.

Many teens return to the US, as soon as they can, the adjustment is hard for them at that age.

I think it is much easier to be frum in Israel. But I think it depends on what religious segment you are in. In the mo/dati leumi world, there is no question that it is easier. In the more haredi world, it is probably harder because things that are okay/permitted in America, aren't always acceptable here in those communities.

Tamiri

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 8:08 am

For a single-parent family with one kid:
Benefits: She will get some money when she steps off the plane, if my booklet is accurate 2250 NIS which is around $500 or so, divide by 4.2 more or less. After that she gets 1328 NIS supplement, 1733 NIS 1st-3rd installment, 6066 NIS the fourth installment, 1733 NIS the 5th and 6th installment, 3508 the 7th installment, and then a supplementary grant of 3708 NIS. All this money totals 25,524 NIS which is around $6000. I am not sure the money comes in on exactly the same day each month, or whether it's actually over all those months but there are a total of 10 installments including the one she gets as she steps off the plane over a period of 7 months. For the teenager under 18 she should receive child supplements with her installments, totalling 6202 NIS over the 10 installments. Over 18 the payments will total 8224 NIS.
Beginning the 13th month of Aliya there is rental assistance which is negligable (probably less than $100).
She may get a few months free health insurance, a tax deduction (90% off) on municipal taxes and a few other goodies thrown in. Not worth moving for, especially with a teen. Let the mom wait till the teen is 18 and they can both come as Olim and each get their own benefits. Israel is a very tough country, not a place to come to in order to solve problems. I would recommend against coming here with a teen ager unless she is fluent in Hebrew and comfortable in this country.
What do you mean about it being easier to be frum in Israel? You can get kosher food in the States, Jewish schools and eruvs abound, just like here. Plenty of kids here go off the derech, as they do in the States. It's easier for adults as they don't have to worry about taking vacation time for the Yamim Tovim.

Marion

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 8:15 am

Not to mention...her teenager will be obligated in army service or national service (sherut leumi - you don't say if the teenager is male or female) the minute she steps off the plane.

For your friend, there is a tuition subsidy for new olim within the first 3 years of aliyah; her teenager would not qualify unless s/he was an oleh him or herself. (A "ben-olim"/child of olim is not entitled to the same benefits as the oleh is!)

shalhevet

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 8:29 am

amother wrote:

the teenager is female and now attends public school , her mom thinks
that getting a education with Ncsy is good enough.

If she's in public school, that's enough of a reason to come, I think. Although I agree with the previous posters about the other points - eg it won't solve either emotional or financial problems (or, necessarily, religious ones). Both mamad/ ulpanot (state religious) and BY are free here (assuming she gets accepted after her public school background).

Tamiri

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 8:42 am

shalhevet wrote:

amother wrote:

the teenager is female and now attends public school , her mom thinks
that getting a education with Ncsy is good enough.

How could a religious school accept her with a PS background, as a teenager? I don't get that. Besides not having a background in Yahadut, Tanach etc. , she probably has little to no Hebrew learning. Talmud Torah would not cut it for a religous HS here. Teenagers are on the Bagrut track... she would be miserable. It's hard enough for kids with a strong Hebrew Day School background... I know, I was one of those kids! A public HS would pose it's own problems here, the least of which is Hebrew language and Bagrut.
Why doesn't she join an Aliya message board and post her queries there?

catonmylap

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 9:31 am

I think it depends more on the teenager herself than anyone else.

It might be challenging to find the right school for her, but there are other Anglos who come with teenagers.

Whether the teen is into becoming frum or is more rebellious, I think she can find a place in Israel...

If she's into the idea of coming, sherut leumi or army service or a seminary with American girls could be very good for her(if they will take in a "charity case").

HindaRochel

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 9:35 am

There are schools that will accept a c hild with little or no background, but they maybe difficult to find. CC may, as CC excepts lots of kids for different reasons, but the school is small.

I think it can be harder or easier to be frum here. Easier, because there is more availble, Harder, if you aren't interested, because for some the need to be religious in a country with a strong population of Jews, isn't there.

Israel can work out fine for a teen, but it is hard.

A teen would become obligated for service as a bat sherut or army, her choice, when she came but service is usually delayed a bit and lessened for older teens. My son only had 2.5 years, while the younger one, who was here at age 15 had 3. I think Bat sherut can be wonderful for a girl. Most of the girls I have had contact with are very aidel. NESTO (Native English Speaking Teen Olim) uses Bat Sherut girls. My daughter loves NESTO...it has helped her with her shyness immensely (but she is still quite shy.)

E. M.

Mon, Sep 24 2007, 4:24 am

We made aliyah with our 15 year old daughter a month and a half ago. It has been very hard for her (and us) so far. We did our homework before coming and came with her a couple of times for visits and to check out schools for her. It still was terrible hard to leave her friends back in the States.

She started school about a month ago and even though she had some Hebrew coming in she still does not understand much of what is going on in class. The Israeli girls have their own groups and she is not included in them. She is pretty depressed most of the time and when she is not in school she is in her room sleeping.

We are getting help for her both for school and for social integration. Everybody says it takes time but it is pretty sad to see her depressed and deal with her moods every single day.

I advise your friend to wait and while she does that to be in contact with people who have made aliyah so she can get an idea of what is involved.

All the best,

drumjj

Mon, Sep 24 2007, 4:37 am

my parents made aliya when I was thirteen. I dint speak yhe lingo and found it very hard to mix with the israelies I went from an A student in israel to doing nothing and not understanding anything, being a popular girl with friends to having no friends and it was a really difficult time. I worked and baby sat and actually after yrs my parents allowed me to learn a musical instrument after seeing how fed up I was there with school and everything. it was a very hard time and I dont think I ever really adjusted all the years I was in school there (high school).

Pickle Lady

Mon, Sep 24 2007, 8:06 am

My parents divorced when I was 16 and my mom moved us from a major midwestern city to an east coast suburb. It was really really hard. Teen years are hard enough as they are without moving to another country.

I wouldn't advice it unless the mother has some sort of support system in Israel. It will be a huge emotional adjustment for both of them.

shalhevet

Mon, Sep 24 2007, 8:26 am

I would advise to wait until she's 18 and finished high school. Then she can be in some sort of framework where those from chutz laaretz are common. Either sem, even in Israeli colleges and universities they are used to new olim and have help available.

I came on my own when 19 and went straight to sem/teaching program. I really wouldn't advise coming between 13 and 17.

sunnybrook

Mon, Oct 08 2007, 5:50 pm

NO!NO! NO!
A very very high proportion of the teenagers at risk in Israel are children of new Anglo olim. Ask any professional at all here that deals with this age group. Rolling Eyes

High schools here are sooooooo different: the whole style of teaching, extra-curricular activities, curriculum. Confused

And - friends are so vital to self-image at this age, and it'll be hard for her to break into the cliques, learn what's in, etc. Even fads are different here, music, free time activities. In short, culture shock. Crying

And if she hasnt got the language, the kids can really get nasty; and or take advantage of her, expecting her to be a "rich American" and buy their friendship..... shock

I've lived a long time in Israel & I know several families that came when their oldest was at the beginning of high school -- and the kid never really found themself (even though the younger siblings did!). Some went back & forth to the States; some got married late, divorced; etc Sad

Mostly anyone with experience with all the adjustment problems will discourage them-- besides Nefesh b'Nefesh, who are very idealistic, dedicated, sincere but often impractical dreamers. Rolling Eyes

This mother & daughter have got enough issues with divorce & finances, dont have a solid, secure base from which to deal with such upheavals. Much better to help them find their solutions nearer to home, maybe different neighborhood or change city??? Or help them work things out where they are?????? Very Happy

Paying for intensive tutoring, both language and academic, and very likely psychological help which no insurance really covers here, etc. will likely offset any aliya monetary advantages. Plus buying furniture, appliances, etc etc.
Bhatzlacha.[/b]

Imaonwheels

Tue, Dec 11 2007, 3:20 am

I am going to be the (possibly) dissenting voice here. For me the major factor here is the kid's wishes. If a girl is in 10th or 11th grade then the bagrut process has already started. She will have a lot of catching up to do even though olim can take their bagrut in English, but not unsurpassable if her secular education was good. I also work with mosdos and can point her to places that accept good girls and places that work with difficult cases even if the religious studies background is poor. Financially with the right advice this could make life MUCH easier. Also, when the mother learns that public school means antireligious her dd may be zocheh to attend a Jewish school and continue her Jewish education afterwards.

I would not, however, force this move on a teenager. There is no benefit worth the ill will if she was forcibly removed from her from her friends and environment in a way that she will resent. Her age is not given but if she is 12-14 it may be fine or not. If she is over 14 and happy in HS then most teenagers are not interested in starting over again, even those with strong zionist convictions.

As to the army and sherut leumi she needs to know all of her options. If they come on a A-1 visa she will not be called. If they come as olim she has 3 choices.

1. Declare that she is religious and be totally exempt from both.
2. Ask soc svcs to either exempt her or approve her for service close to and living at home based on the fact that her mother lives alone (very easy to get and no stigma).
3. Go to regular service after she knows Hebrew. If not she will spend most of her time in ulpan and not contribute very much.

I would be happy to talk to her. I have been here for many years, moderate an aliya forum and work with mosdos of all hashkafas and levels. I also was a single parent for 5 years in Israel.

Most forum posters stick to advice compatible with their own hashkafa, from totally frei to charedi. That is not helpful.

grin

Tue, Dec 11 2007, 4:59 am

I agree - the move can be very beneficial ONLY IF THIS HER CHOICE! I have seen girls integrate very well, but I have also seen cases where the teen (or pre-teen) wasn't consulted and never forgave the parents or recovered from the major culture shock - thru adulthood!
BTW, college is paid for by the gov't I think only if she comes college age -otheriwse those benefits will be spent paying for HS tuition.