Am I overprotective??

amother

Mon, Dec 24 2007, 9:35 pm

I have worked the past three years, up until baby number two. I didn't return to my teaching job the next september after my second one was born. I want to return to work, but the thought of leaving my kids for a whole day in someone elses care is killing me. It would only be twice a week, but still, I feel like I'm being a "bad" mother, and that no one else will care for them the way I do. I have worked, and had both of my kids with the babysitter for the short while after my second was born, and before the school year was over. I did it once, so I don't know why I'm so hesistant to do it again. Do you feel guilty? do you trust your babysitter/childcare 100%?? Do you work just because you have to, or because you enjoy it??

amother

Mon, Dec 24 2007, 10:25 pm

wanting to have a life and parnassa outside of the house does not make you a bad mother. I really don't understand why you hesitate if you've already had a sitter for three years before, unless you're having trouble finding someone good. basically, the trick is to find s/o you trust.

working twice a week sounds like the best of all possible worlds: you spend most of your time with the kids, but you still get to interact with adults, speak of things besides diapers and formula in words of more than 1 syllable that don't end in -ie, and be Ms. Professional Whateveritisyoudo twice a week.

I worked because I had to, but if I hadn't had to, I think I'd have liked to have worked twice a week.

Did I feel guilty? Of course! there's a whole world of SAHM's and former SAHM's doing their darnedest to make you believe you're blighting your children's life if you so much as THINK about working outside the home. if I didn't work we wouldn't have had a roof over our heads, to say nothing of health insurance, so it wasn't really a choice. Abject poverty and homelessness is not really good for young children.

It's not a bad thing for kids to get used to seeing people besides Mommy, to experience different voices and different ways of doing things. We went through a few sitters who didn't work out so well, like the one who really only wanted to earn a few extra dollars to buy a dress for a simcha and then quit when she had saved up enough--no, she was not a teenager although it sounds like something a 14-year-old might do--but once we found someone good she was great.

I personally would have gone stark, raving, "put me in the rubber room before I kill somebody" insane if I had been at home full time till the youngest started school. Working F/T with small children was very hard, I had to be very organized and my time was never my own, but no joke if I had stayed at home I'd have gone insane or worse.

louche

Mon, Dec 24 2007, 10:29 pm

You can't trust anyone 100%--not a morah, not your kid sister, not your own mother, not yourself! That's the plain fact of the matter. the other fact of the matter is you always have to trust someone. You go with your gut feeling, you ask for references, you pop home at unexpected times, you ask friends to observe the sitter when she takes the kids out.

My best sitter was actually more vigilant in many ways than I was--and I've been accused of being overprotective more than once.

SLP

Tue, Dec 25 2007, 11:09 pm

When my kids were babies I worked 2-3 days per week max. It was difficult, but I did it because I fad to. Sure, I felt guilty, but I also enjoyed my time out of the house, and spent lots of time with the kids when I was home. Now I work full time for various reasons, and life is very busy. The best way to feel good about the babysitter is to try to get someone you knw to refer you a babysitter with a good track record. Call everyone you know, and someone will probably help you fing a reliable, trust-worthy woman. If Bubi or Zaidi can help, that's ideal. The concluson that I've come to is: "you do what you've gotta do". If you don't HAVE to go back to work right now, consider waiting til the kids get a bit older...

Tamiri

Wed, Dec 26 2007, 3:28 pm

I am a SAHM, have been for the past 17.5 years since #2 was born. I went back to work when #1 was 5.5 months old, went thru 3 sitters over a period of 7 months - a nightmare! - till I found the right one for my baby and from age 2 was with him most of the time (I worked 4 hours while he was in pre school, and after that worked in the same school where he was in preschool). When his brother was born I found that I COULD NOT leave a baby with someone else, and have never gone back to work. I was not a matter of if I HAD to work or not - that never came into play. We managed on nothing (DH was a student for many years). The issue was that I COULD NOT ever leave a baby ever again, so I didn't.
Do what feels best for you.