Home

First names or titles?
Previous  1, 2, 3
 
View latest: 24h 48h 72h

Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> The Social Scene -> Chit Chat
View previous topic :: View next topic  

Report offensive ad


Crayon210








Post Posted: Mon, Feb 25 2008, 4:14 pm       Post subject:
It takes one person to start a trend. Wink
_________________
Dip the apple in the honey...
Back to top

mumoo








Post Posted: Mon, Feb 25 2008, 4:15 pm       Post subject: Re: re: First names or titles?
Ruchel wrote:
If you work it's very problematic if just talking to another man is awkward... you may be set apart, seen as haughty, or even not manage to talk your boss into a raise, a vacation when you want it...


I disagree, I work in a kollel. There are only 3 women there. We all use titles (except the women to each other). It's not problematic or awkward. And if I am set apart there, it only raises the respect they have for my judgment and opinions.

Crayon and Tehila, I like how you explain this.
Back to top

Ruchel








Post Posted: Mon, Feb 25 2008, 4:29 pm       Post subject:
Crayon210 wrote:
It takes one person to start a trend. Wink


true... maybe one day it will be cool to do like this!

Quote:

I disagree, I work in a kollel.


this is why you disagree lol
But even frum waiters and waitresses I see calling each other by fn...
_________________




"You will have many many children and make successful shidduchim beh", reb. Esther Jungreis
Back to top

Tehilla








Post Posted: Mon, Feb 25 2008, 5:15 pm       Post subject: re: First names or titles?
Ruchel, you should know of all people that a common behavior, even amongst frum people does not necessarily make it okay!

mumoo, I am trying to find that source and will bli neder post it tonight.
_________________
Life is not about who you can stand on top of, but who you can lift up!
Back to top

Ruchel








Post Posted: Mon, Feb 25 2008, 5:26 pm       Post subject: re: First names or titles?
Yes I know something common is not necessarily ok!
Now, my rav allows friendships so I suppose he also allows calling someone by first name in a context where it's normal, and when if anything NOT doing it would attract attention and make people have thoughts about "are we close or not"...
Back to top

mumoo








Post Posted: Mon, Feb 25 2008, 8:06 pm       Post subject: Re: re: First names or titles?
Ruchel wrote:
Now, my rav allows friendships


for what purpose?

Flower btw Ruchel, I feel like we have been in machlokes in a few recent threads. While I strongly believe in what I say, I hope that you know it is not anything personal against you
Back to top

Ruchel








Post Posted: Tue, Feb 26 2008, 6:50 am       Post subject: re: First names or titles?
thanks mumoo Smile


Not for a particular purpose. He doesn't say to search for these friendships. But if they happen (you must understand that here there isn't a strong separation of genders, except maybe in the most charedi circles - but even there for example the shabbes kiddush is mixed, mixed seatings... and I saw men and women talking), because you feel this person is interesting and nice, it's ok.
He warns though that if feelings "develop", you'll have to act quick because it would be unhealthy. Either turn it into a shidduch if you're single and it's mutual (for having read rabbis biographies, I remember a few of them were friends first with their wife), or break.

BH on all of my friendships with boys, only a few ones ended badly because the boy started developing feelings and I didn't want. Sure I was sad to break the friendship, but on the whole it was very worth it for me to have these friends. One helped me tremendously when I was afraid of not finding my bashert, other one motivated me constantly for frumkeit, another one supported me a lot when I was pregnant...
Back to top

mumoo








Post Posted: Tue, Feb 26 2008, 4:09 pm       Post subject: Re: re: First names or titles?
Ruchel wrote:
thanks mumoo Smile
He warns though that if feelings "develop", you'll have to act quick because it would be unhealthy.
BH on all of my friendships with boys, only a few ones ended badly because the boy started developing feelings and I didn't want.


these statements pretty much support what I've been saying

anyway, that one boy developed feelings- I imagine all of them did, but only one of them admitted it. Boys are programmed to be that way;, your offer of friendship would be a michshol
Back to top

Ruchel








Post Posted: Tue, Feb 26 2008, 4:31 pm       Post subject: re: First names or titles?
Well, if it was the case, my rav, a man, would know it and forbid the whole thing. No, I can assure you these guys had no feeling for me except friendship or big/young brother sometimes.

These statements are taken very, very out of context. I meant to say problems only happened a couple of times, so the benefit was big (more friends). I also don't believe in men developing feelings for all girls they befriend. If it was the case, what would have prevented them from asking a shidduch with me, in the case of the frum ones? or even of all the Jewish ones?

Also, some of my friends were engaged, or in a relationship, or I know their "type" of girls and I was faaaaar.
Back to top

montrealmommy








Post Posted: Tue, Feb 26 2008, 4:39 pm       Post subject: re: First names or titles?
Mumoo and Ruchel, I see a certain level of validity to both your comments. On the one hand, I grew up speaking "vous" and I was taught that "tu" is personal. I have met many people to asked me to use "tu" or when I have used "vous" said I was sooo formal. Even my dh uses "tu" and often tells me is betterémore acceptable to say tu béc vous can be perceived as insulting. That said, I still often find myself saying vous and watching my friends Rolling Eyes .

On the flip side, although it sometimes seems awkward, with the exception of very few people I say "first name" for women and Mr. or Reb or Rabbi or Dr. for men. If a woman holds a title, I will often use that unless we are very sociable with each other.

I find this difference is also magnified if the person of the opposire gender is married or not. The men my husband befriended while in Yeshiva who came to us as bochurim (once we were married) I still tend to refer to by their first names. It's how they were introdiced to me (like, dh would come home and say toguests, this is my wife Rachel and then to me he would say this is Yaakov and Sruli)
Back to top
Visit poster's website

mumoo








Post Posted: Tue, Feb 26 2008, 5:38 pm       Post subject: re: First names or titles?
I hear, montrealmommy, I assume its the same thing like in Spanish tú for familiar and Ustèd for formal. But like you said when you say 'vous' it can be insulting, I always felt when speaking Spanish that saying tú posed a greater opportunity to insult than the other way around.

I read here that people are reluctant to change how they call someone from how they were first introduced. But when a girl my children are familiar with gets married, she becomes Mrs. to them. She has changed her status and so her title (and level of kavod given). I think its the same for unmarried bochurim.
Back to top

montrealmommy








Post Posted: Tue, Feb 26 2008, 10:26 pm       Post subject: re: First names or titles?
By in large, I agree with you mumoo. the difference I think is that here (in Montreal) which is very european in it's mentality, wants an atmosphere of familiarity. so using the formal "vous" comes off sounding haughty and nose-in-the-air. I still use it inspite of comments and looks, and most of my friends have come to accept that part of me.

As for Bachurim, yes, to my children, bochur so-and-so becomes Mr. so-and-so and his wife Mrs. so-and-so. But between adults, when she is introduced, her first name is often used and when the kids are not around (which is not all that often) I do find myslef calling him by his first name. I should probably become more aware of this - in that respect I would have to say being aware that I am always mechanech my kids is a good thing!
Back to top
Visit poster's website

red sea








Post Posted: Tue, Feb 26 2008, 10:49 pm       Post subject: re: First names or titles?
for good friends of dh I am also one who tends to not use any name, but if I must, which happens once in a very blue moon, it'll either be a um, sarcastic/jokey Mr so & so (like picture a guy with a heavy brooklyn accept going "ay (as in hey) mista ____", otherwise it'd come with too much in depth whats your problem type of conversation) , or their name said more formally. At work I call whatever it is socially and businessly expected from me, its part of the job, and it is formal even with first name if you dont be too chummy imo. Titles I automatically use for a certain amount older pple than I, even if dh is good buddies with them, but I do the same for women.
Back to top
View previous topic :: View next topic


View latest: 24h 48h 72h

Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> The Social Scene -> Chit Chat
Page 3 of 3 Previous  1, 2, 3

Similar Topics Replies Last Post
No new posts Pinned: Tehillim List for NAMES ONLY 171 Wed, Apr 02 2014, 12:26 am View latest post
No new posts Last Names as First Names 17 Mon, Feb 14 2011, 2:47 am View latest post
No new posts Calling by first names
by Seraph
13 Sun, Apr 12 2009, 10:26 pm View latest post
No new posts First names that go with Anshel?
by amother
9 Tue, Sep 04 2012, 10:59 pm View latest post
No new posts first names that go with Soroh as a 2nd name?!
by amother
12 Sun, Aug 28 2011, 3:57 pm View latest post


Quick Reply
Choose Display Order
Display posts from previous:   
User Permissions
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

 
Jump to:  


Report offensive ad

In the kitchen

[Picture of Vegetables]