A crowd, of which people are conversing another language

Cinderella

Thu, Jun 07 2007, 11:50 am

My DH has a relative (who he used to be very close friends with), who is married to a girl that is from South America. Anytime there is a family simcha, or any get together, we usually all sit together-all the young married couples. She has a brother (and his wife), and a sister that are a year older, and a year younger than her. ANYTIME she is in their presence English is a foreign language to them. I and others too find it incredibly rude and offensive. It happens all the time, one time where they had a bbq and all who were left were her, her sister, another girl (who doesnt speak Spanish), and me, and they just carried on. The other girl and I just looked at each other shock

. I felt like getting up, leaving, and not even saying good bye. Oh, and for those of you who are wondering, they speak FLUENT ENGLISH, granted with a small accent. There is no reason to do that over and over again. I understand if its something short, and important that she wanted to say to one of them, but entire conversations infront of others who don't understand I don't get it?????? I honestly don't want to hang out with this girl Twisted Evil

. I feel like if I am faced with the situation again (likely not anytime soon, because I don't want to be next to her), I feel like saying with a laugh, "what are you talking about, I hope not me". WWYD?

Ruchel

Thu, Jun 07 2007, 12:24 pm

It's the worst thing when people speak a language you don't understand, especially when they know yours, and especially if it is done on purpose or to talk about you, although I don't think most people do number 3.
My dear mil looooooooves doing that to me, also talking very low when I'm in another room so I just hear the talking but not the meaning and obviously changing topic and talking loud when I come back. Or talking loud but not to me and in a language I half understand, just enough to make me wonder what she is saying about me.... oh well b'h she's out of my and dh's life.

BennysMommy

Thu, Jun 07 2007, 12:34 pm

I agree that its the most annoying thing. I live in south america and everyone around me speaks a language I dont know!!! (but im learning)

now im going to have to act in the defensive. they grew up speaking spanish. thats what comes naturally. even if they speak fluent english, when theyre with another spanish speaker that is what they are going to speak. there have been so many times that my husband will start a conversation with someone in english just so I can be part of or understand and somewhere in the middle it will just automatically switch to spanish. its not on purpose and I highly doubt theyre doing it to talk about u or behind your back!

one time my husband was on the subway in ny and there were 2 mexicans talking in spanish about my hubby and the "jews." he let them go on and on and when he was about to walk off the train, turned to one of them and said (in perfect spanish of course) "excuse me do u have the time?" he said the looks on their faces were priceless.

Cinderella

Thu, Jun 07 2007, 1:15 pm

Ruchel-your MIL is just a peach Twisted Evil

. I totally agree with Ruchel. I doubt that they would be nasty enough to talk about me, infront of me (though, one truly, truly wonders at times Rolling Eyes

), and I agree that it comes naturally, but it is still so darn rude. I just don't get it, oh and for the record I speak two other languages fluently, and would never pull that infront of others who don't understand. To me, its called having manners that everyone who is together at a table or gathering (or whatever)should be able to participate in a conversation, or follow along.
I also had a similiar situation several years ago, with two women who I used to ride the train home with them from college. They were both Persian, and I am obviously not. They would carry on entire conversations infront of me, and when I would say, "what are you talking about," they would say, "not much," and carry on. I stopped waiting to ride home with them, and would study on the train instead!

JRKmommy

Thu, Jun 07 2007, 2:24 pm

It's funny - my ILs are clearly more proficient in Hebrew, even though they've lived here for 40 years. They generally speak English in front of their kids, but will switch to Hebrew if they are out and see their Israeli friends. I don't really mind that - I know Hebrew is more natural for them. However, they'll also use Hebrew as their "secret code" language. One time, years ago, I could tell that they were trying to figure out, in Hebrew, how long dh and I had been together. I surprised them by answering in Hebrew. That got a laugh. They still do it on occasion, by reflex, even though they realize by now that I understand most of what they say.

Another story: when I went to Israel for the first time with dh, I started to get mad b/c we were with his older relatives, I couldn't understand a word, and he wasn't translating. I finally poked him and demanded that he translate. He replied, "I can't - they're speaking Arabic!"

montrealmommy

Sun, Mar 02 2008, 4:19 pm

I totally agree, and I am also totally guilty of doint that sometimes.

B"H I have a nack for lang. and am fluent in 3 and comprehensive in another 2. All too often when I get together with someone who also speaks hebrew or french fluently I revert to those. I was schooled in Fr. and Heb and often think in them. As awful as I feel, I hate to say it happens. Although I'd like to htink it's not an entire conversation. Either way, I think the best thing to do it speak up. Friends have done it to me and I an very grateful they have. Something kind like "can we speak English so everyone can participate" is polite but also gets the message across that their actions were rude.

BTW - to those who know me, when I do this, please stop me!!!!

greenfire

Sun, Mar 02 2008, 4:27 pm

BennysMommy wrote:

one time my husband was on the subway in ny and there were 2 mexicans talking in spanish about my hubby and the "jews." he let them go on and on and when he was about to walk off the train, turned to one of them and said (in perfect spanish of course) "excuse me do u have the time?" he said the looks on their faces were priceless.

I love that surprise factor ... has happened on 2 occasions myself ... Twisted Evil

my sister taught herself a language just not to feel left out in convo with her friend's friends ...

red sea

Sun, Mar 02 2008, 5:19 pm

BennysMommy wrote:

love those LOL

pricelees is right