Shaking hands in business world - dealing with Shomer Negiah

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Working Women

Previous 1 2 3 4 5

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

What do you do when a man tries to shake your hand?

Kindly explain about your religious beliefs

52%

[ 74 ]

Shake their hand politely

45%

[ 64 ]

Say a rude, witty comment

[ 0 ]

Fake a diversion such as dropping a pen, coughing

[ 4 ]

Total Votes : 142

amother

Tue, Apr 15 2008, 12:19 pm

That means no hugging or kissing
No touching at all,
If you want something to lean on,
There's always the wall
So stay on your side of the line
Cuz my body's exclusively mine

Lol, we used to sing that a lot as teens

momof6

Tue, Apr 15 2008, 1:51 pm

I say, "I'm sorry, I don't touch men except family"

zufriedene

Wed, Apr 23 2008, 2:04 pm

It's high time to be proud with what we're very careful about. If u're proud of yourself so will your co workers be proud of you, Since the times of Mitzraim yidden were given schar, shlo shinu lshonum ulvushom, . Hand shaking can go alongside lvush . Who ever got a heter from her Rav has no problem. She obviously relies on other isssues as well.

Tchukli

Wed, Apr 23 2008, 3:36 pm

bs"d

My grandfather says "I'll take your word for it"
Where I live (we don't speak english here) I say something like "I greet you with my heart" (while touching my chest kindof-ish..) and people are very respectfull. I heard it from a friend that when she said to a man "I don't shake hands", he said no problem, and went right on to kiss her!!

but the most embarassing in my opinion is my ob-gyn. I won't shake his hand but... whatever, very weird situation so since ds was born I havent gone back, (a year and a half) ....

anyway this trend is pretty interesting...

Apple pie

Wed, Apr 23 2008, 3:39 pm

Isn't "worse" to greet a man with your heart than with your hand? Twisted Evil

leomom

Wed, Apr 23 2008, 7:57 pm

Apple pie, it's true in a way -- as I said earlier, I do feel less tznius sometimes being so friendly in "other ways" (even just smiling and talking a bit too much) to compensate for the lack of a handshake.

bubby

Thu, May 01 2008, 9:59 am

Most of my clients are frum, but sometimes I meet people elsewhere...the bank, lawyers etc. I just say I don't touch people who don't belong to to me, with a huge smile.

Alternatively, If I can I explain why, & say I'll shake the lady's hand 1 extra time for each of the men whose hands I can't shake. I've never had a problem even though I'm concerned about offending the other person, & he is worried he's offended me!! But people have always been very nice about it.

Today, there are so many ethnic groups with different customs that we don't seem so weird anymore.

Ruchel

Thu, May 01 2008, 10:25 am

Yes, those who dealt with very observant Muslims know about the handshaking thing.

Now, I find "people who don't belong to me" particularly weird, and I would never use it. First, people don't see what is s-xual in handshaking, and honestly business touch even in halacha is not s-xual... Second, does it mean the ladies belong to you? I think it introduces a s-xual feeling when there was nothing... and also people would look at me like a nut, much much more than explaining it's a religious thing...

I have already heard "ultra Orthodox must be pervs if they find ____ so s-xual ", or contrary "they must truely hate the opposite gender". So I prefer not making this stereotype go on.

bubby

Thu, May 01 2008, 10:38 am

I'm sorry, but I never even imagined a remark like that could be taken in the context you mean. I got this idea (slightly amended) from a Rav. Every time I used it it diffused the situation, & believe me, no one took it like that. I'm a Bubby & I'm sure I look it. I don't think I perpetuate such disgusting stereotypes. That's an upsetting thought.

Ruchel

Thu, May 01 2008, 12:47 pm

I keep trying to say it to myself and see how it sounds. I can't make it sound good. Maybe in English, after all... but to my ears, it certainly sounds either s-xual, or not understandable!

cassandra

Thu, May 01 2008, 1:01 pm

Ruchel, I'm a native English speaker and I cringed when I read that too.

bubby

Thu, May 01 2008, 1:14 pm

Sorry if I offended anyone.

cassandra

Thu, May 01 2008, 1:16 pm

You didn't offend me personally (you don't own me!)

waterbottle

Thu, May 01 2008, 1:17 pm

LOL. What's wrong with, "I only touch my husband... "

Ruchel

Thu, May 01 2008, 1:25 pm

waterbottle wrote:

LOL. What's wrong with, "I only touch my husband... "

but the other women?

leomom

Sun, May 04 2008, 1:18 am

To each her own, and bubby, I don't think you have offended anyone by saying it the way you are comfortable with. Obviously when you say it, it's coming across OK. (And I have definitely heard of Rabbanim who have used the wording you do.)

For me, though, I do avoid using the word "touch" in any explanation I may give. I just say, "Sorry, I don't shake hands" or just smile and sort of absent-mindedly neglect to shake... depending on what feels right in each case. Sometimes I just smile and sort of shrug and say, "Sorry" and move on with other topics. It's not a big deal at all.

I agree with Ruchel that once one verbalizes thoughts about touching, husbands, people who belong to you, etc., one is introducing a context that probably does not need to be introduced at all. To most people, shaking hands is neutral, and I don't think so much attention has to be given to our underlying reasons for not shaking. Also, since other people ARE shaking hands while we are abstaining, it might make them feel awkward about doing so in your presence... because now are they making some kind of statement that they DO touch people who don't belong to them?

Petra

Mon, May 05 2008, 5:18 pm

This may not apply and could be different depending on the orthodox rabbi you talk to, but when I was becoming more observant and my husband wasn't, the rabbi said the onus of observing niddah was on him not me. I, of course, extrapolate the whole niddah and "not touching" to shomer negiah as well thinking to myself the whole reason people don't touch each other is because one doesn't know if the other is niddah or not. So, I don't know if it's correct or not. I'm in the medical field and have to touch men all the time. I'm in a small community so I pretty much know the observant members. If someone extends their hand to me, I shake it. But that is just me. I don't offer my hand to anyone.

amother

Tue, May 06 2008, 9:33 pm

LeahsEma wrote:

thats an interesting concept. would anyone say that you shouldnt shake his hand (unnecessary touching) if you are going to be touching him anyway while checking him (vs necessary touching)?

Crayon210

Wed, May 07 2008, 12:32 am

Yes, for sure.

Page 5 of 5

Previous 1 2 3 4 5