going back to work after baby

amother

Thu, Apr 24 2008, 9:02 pm

I graduated school and had my 2nd baby. Now, 8 months later, I'm looking to start working. I just got a job and I am very happy with it. But I am really torn about leaving my kids while at work. With my first, she was in day care since 10 weeks old and she was a really easy going kid. I never had a problem, not that I wish I was in school and unable to take care of her, but I was ok with it. But now, my 2nd dd is very fineky. She only wants me (she won't even drink a bottle from someone else!) and is not a good sleeper and is used to only me putting her to sleep etc... I am really concerned for her. I feel like I am abandoning her! How could I leave my precious baby with someone else who doesn't care as much about her as I? I've worked so hard to keep her happy, so much thought put into how to get her to sleep through the night without crying it out...I never wanted to let her cry it out to teach her how to sleep or anything else. So I don't want her to cry like that when I am not there for her! It's against my parenting philosophy and I feel horrible for doing that to her. How do I deal with this!?

Ruchel

Fri, Apr 25 2008, 5:23 am

I wonder if children aren't more easy going when they have to adapt to daycare. My dd is soon 14 months (!) and still it's awful when I'm not around. Because she has never been used to it.

I have noticed that often finding a good caretaker requires to begin to search early in pregnancy, unless you can do very intensive search! I go to a mommy and me now, I see all kinds of ads to find a caretaker at the place.

If you want a caretaker with your philosophy you'll have to ask. Depending on where you live, it may be easy or not to find one. Depending also if it's the only criterion or if Jewish/frum too.

I also think 8 months is definitely time for solids, but that's cultural.

Tamiri

Fri, Apr 25 2008, 5:41 am

CM mentioned CAREGIVER, not day care. There is a major difference. Perhaps, if you find someone to take care of your baby at home, she will receive the same (or comparable) level of care that she gets from you.
Ruchel, there is, in my opinion, NOTHING wrong with a child being attached to mom. That is what mom is there for. To be attached to baby and care for her. You will, in many cases, see that the "clingy" child who would not separate from mom early on (which is not a natural state) is a mature, confident child later on. Children have insecurities which they must overcome in environments other than home. Putting off that need to overcome for as long as possible is not a bad thing. You are lucky you can be there for her, and hopefully any other children you have.

Ruchel

Fri, Apr 25 2008, 6:12 am

Well, sorry, English is not at all my first language...

Having someone at home is of course the best. But let's face it, it's very hard to find, and VERY expensive. Some will also not have a non Jew alone at home because of the kitchen. And for many, finding a Jewish caretaker is just not a reasonable expectation.

freidasima

Sun, Apr 27 2008, 4:04 pm

Well here it is very common to have a metapelet at home if you can afford it, we always had one when the kids were younger because they were all allergic and we didn't want to have them in maon with 23 other children in cribs from age three. It was a financial sacrifice during the years that they were young, but it was worth it. Imagine the same woman taking care of them for nine years! She is still part of our family!

amother

Tue, Apr 29 2008, 8:47 pm

OP here:

As most of you have mentioned, finding a babysitter around where I live is very difficult. A friend of mine was going through the process and she is having a really tough time. So there's this Jewish woman in my community who has a little preschool in her house and has a baby room with another caretaker to take care of the babies. I'm just worried how she'll adapt. I know she will, as most babies do, but I don't want her to cry so much b/c there are strangers taking care of her and not me. I'm not sure if by 8 months babies have object permanence, but I feel like she's going to think that I left her with these pple! Eventhough I know she'll get used to it by 2-3 days and she'll realize that I'm coming back, I don't want her to even think once that I'm leaving her!

BTW, I do feed her solids, but she stills has about 5 bottles a day, probably 2-3 of them will be fed to her at this preschool thing. She's not a good eater (hence, I am not nursing anymore). It can easily take her 45 minutes to finish a 5 oz bottle! With me constantly offering it to her.

What should I do????

amother

Wed, Apr 30 2008, 3:23 pm

I am working b/c I graduated a year ago from PT school and I haven't worked yet. This degree is a use it or lose it kind of thing. I went to school so that I could help out with the finances if it were really necessary. B"H we don't desperately need the money, but if I want to be able to work as a PT down the road, then I HAVE to work now, or I will forget everything I learned in school!

Pizza

Tue, May 27 2008, 9:29 am

Sounds to me like you are looking for a part time position, which is less traumatic on a baby being left with another caregiver. Maybe you can find something that is only 2 mornings a week, 3 mornings at most; then you still have the majority of the week with babe.

Bear in mind, no matter how little you work, she will be more clingy and 'needy' when you get home; you need to expect that, and not think that she will let you run errands and do laundry/prepare dinner uninterrupted!

Best of luck. Not an easy time of life.

AlwaysGrateful

Tue, May 27 2008, 9:45 am

I'm pregnant with my first right now, so I'm not going to pretend to be an expert, but there are some pieces of advice that I've heard about this. Feel free to accept or reject them at will.

Most importantly, is there a way that you can get her used to the people at the daycare before you leave her there for the first time? Go there a few times and stay there with her while they're there (if the caretakers are okay with that). That way they won't be strangers to her. If possible, try to slowly encourage her to play with them without you (after a good amount of time of warming up). Then, when you finally do the disappearing act, at least she's with people she trusts...(If possible, you might even try disappearing for a few minutes at a time and then coming back, so she hopefully has the idea in her head that you can come back after you're gone.)

Also, talk to the caretakers about your daughter beforehand, and give them as many tips as possible. What is the best way to help her take a nap? Are there specific foods/activities that she likes/dislikes? Let them know every single detail you can think of - maybe make a running list for a few days before you meet them to talk about her.

Just a few thoughts! Hope these help...