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Forum
-> Interesting Discussions
how do you cope with serious regrets about things in your past?
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| you say that past is past and just put it behind you |
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27% |
[ 10 ] |
| you spend a lot of time thinking about it and trying to understand what went wrong then |
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5% |
[ 2 ] |
| you spend a lot of time trying to make things right today regarding things that you regret from the past |
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13% |
[ 5 ] |
| you often dwell on the past and on the regrets and realize how it changed your life in ways that can't be changed no matter what tikun you do |
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13% |
[ 5 ] |
| you did tikun / teshuva / made changes regarding the things you regret in your past and now plan for the future only putting the past behind you |
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13% |
[ 5 ] |
| you have a very hard time coping with regrets from the past and sometimes feel lost and don't know what to do about it |
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2% |
[ 1 ] |
| you went to a rov / rebbe / mashpia / counsellor / professional regarding the regrets in your past and learned what to do about them and put them behind you after taking their advice |
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2% |
[ 1 ] |
| you went to a rov / rebbe / mashpia / counsellor / professional about the regrets in your past but still dwell on them a lot and they affect your present |
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5% |
[ 2 ] |
| other |
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8% |
[ 3 ] |
| all of the above |
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8% |
[ 3 ] |
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| Total Votes : 37 |
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freidasima
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 Wed, Jul 02 2008, 10:08 am
What do you do when you look back at things in your past, general things or specific things, and you have terrible regrets about them?
I have a friend who was discussing this with me at work, we come across it with the older youngsters that we deal with, and she was saying to me on a break, "and what about us adults?". When I asked her to explain she said, "well, we have lived so much longer than these kids and sometimes when we look back even at decades of our lives, we have to many regrets about bad choices, things we did that were wrong, not to speak of real aveiros in our past, whether BT or FFB. How do we cope with that looking back?"
I have my own answers about it but an interested in hearing from a wide group of imamothers from different backgrounds how they deal with such regrets.
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mom21n2
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Wed, Jul 02 2008, 10:46 am
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All of what we've done in the past, good or bad, makes us who we are today. And today is tomorrow's past. So we have to keep aiming for improvement and try not to beat ourselves up too much.
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flowerpower
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Wed, Jul 02 2008, 11:56 am
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We can learn from our mistakes. Experience makes up grow(hopefully).
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Lady Godiva
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Wed, Jul 02 2008, 12:07 pm
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I too believe that a lesson can be learnt from our mistakes to help prevent further erring. That is the proper and idealistic way to look at mistakes in retrospect. However, many of us tend to see our own mistakes in a different light. We sometimes use them as ammunition, putting the blame on others, not owning up to the fact that the mistake or wrong choice made had been on our part. We blame people. We blame situations. We blame our upbringing. We do everything in our power to thwart the blame from our sensitive selves.
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amother
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Wed, Jul 02 2008, 3:00 pm
You should have added to the poll "Spend a lot of money at your therapist trying to work it out." That would get my vote. 
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freidasima
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Wed, Jul 02 2008, 3:09 pm
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amother, I guess that's what I meant by the option of going to a rov/rebbe/mashpia/professional (meaning a therapist).....etc...
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