It's Thursday and I still don't know about guest!

Mimisinger

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 11:13 am

I cannot stand when people take forever to respond about coming for shabbos. Dh invited a single friend of his to come for shabbos. He lives out of state and he's in school, so it's a big trip and so he's trying to fit a date in. HOWEVER, he said he would tell us his answer on Tuesday! Now, it's Thursday and still no definitive answer. We try to get guests that work well together. Plus I don't like having guests for both meals unless someone is staying by us. We try to get guests that are similar and, people who know singles girls for him because he is a really good catch.

I'm just so frustrated. When is he going to call? It was actually part of the plan that he might come down today to stay over tonight as well. Should I put the sheets on the bed or not? Should I invite more singles so that he feels comfortable or not?
argh

Mimisinger

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 11:16 am

We've called him every day a few times. Sometimes dh gets in touch with him and he says, I think I'm coming, but I'm not sure, etc., or dh leaves a message.

Lani22

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 11:17 am

I have the same problem with singles. I think they feel well you are making shabbas anyways why would you have to know about a guest too much beforehand. It is so rude- I make much more if I know I am going to have a guest and this changes my whole week in terms of planning for shabbas!!!

greenfire

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 11:19 am

yeah give him a buzz ... maybe he's trying to get in touch with you ... or maybe he is frustrated about the date ...

so long as you have clean sheets ...
and if you can handle other guests with him ...

hopefully you'll know sooner than later ...

Mimisinger

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 11:23 am

When we have guests, esp. ones that sleep over because everything has to be spotless, even behind closed doors, it's so much harder. Much more to cook, clean, much fancier.

At this rate, we're just not having Fri. nt. guests. It's too much, esp. if I don't know if he's coming.

And sure, he might be frustrated about the date, but what about me? Why can't he just come for shabbos to see dh? I get that he is busy and a lot of work, but come on. it's Thursday!

Oh, and dh and I are going out on a date tonight! So now, when am I going to do everything?

greenfire

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 11:48 am

sorry - I myself am a last minute person ... and when I was in ny was invited to s/o for shabbos - I spoke to her over & over but the status was unsure and by the time I said yes - she said no and it was wednesday ... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr to me that was early ... oh well I had a great time at my sister and it was bashert ... so you can think & think & think and plan & plan & plan and whatever will happen will happen anyways ... right ...

make your plans do what you can ... and the rest will be ...

octopus

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 11:52 am

call me cuckoo, but I prefer to know on monday if I'm having shabbos guests or not. But typically, we tell our guests to get back to us, the latest, on wednesday. If they don't we tell them that we are assuming you are not coming. I don't have help. I am the sole cleaning lady and cook in my house. So I really need to know when my guests are coming. Otherwise I turn into crazy, screamy, crying woman when I have to do everything last minute.

Fox

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 1:04 pm

I think guests may also get very conflicting messages from their hostesses. For example, I can't imagine knowing on Monday or Tuesday who's coming for Shabbos, and even Thursday is a stretch. I even tell people they're usually welcome to come without an invitation if their plans fall through, etc. I can imagine that a guest who's used to laissez-faire invitations probably thinks everyone is like that.

Raisin

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 1:08 pm

single people have no clue (apparantly) that food needs to be cooked, and houses cleaned. I don't mind finding out 3 hours before shabbos that we have extra guests, but that is because we always have guests anyway. If we were having no guests, vs one guest, I would like to know much earlier.

greeneyes

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 5:14 pm

I also like to know early on in the week whether or not I'm having guests for shabbos. So I can imagine how frustrated you must be to still have your shabbos guest status up in the air on Thursday.

Did you hear from him by now?

ny_ima

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 6:34 pm

and single ppl can also put on their own linen. just have it ready folded on the bed and if guest shows up, let him make his bed: tell him u werent sure whether he was coming or not. Legit. and less stress on you. dont fuss about the food. go enjoy w dh. the more stressed we become re guests, the less we end up inviting!

Mimisinger

Thu, Aug 21 2008, 9:29 pm

Well, I found out this evening - he's not coming. I don't mind having extra guests for lunch if I'm already having guests, but having people sleep over is something different. And, the whole thing is, I was going out of my way to make meals with people that he would like and people who might know a girl for him...Oh well.

ny_ima

Sat, Aug 23 2008, 11:39 pm

this shabbos someone showed up uninvited. no stress. just hachnasos orchim!
thot about OP and how its so much easier not to know! shabbos food is shabbos food and there's
usually enough to feed another mouth! also he cant have any complaints/expectations!