My friend's kid is not cute at all

amother

Thu, Aug 28 2008, 3:06 am

One of my friends has a toddler the same age as mine... He is a very unattractive child. He kind of looks like a little dracula. Sometimes my friend will comment to me on how cute my DS is. It's true, my DS happens to be a gorgeous boy, K"AH. It's very obvious that her son is (I hate to say this, but...) ugly. But I feel so bad when she is always complimenting my child. So do I say that her son is cute even though I think we would both know I'm lying? And what if I can't say it sincerely, how embarrassing would that be!

rowo

Thu, Aug 28 2008, 3:12 am

you don't only have to comment on a childs looks. although you prob do notice cute things more when a cute child does it, I'm sure all kids do and say cute things.
try to notice something cute that your friends child does and comment on that. I'm sure you can find s/thing and you honestly compliment her without feeling guiltly.

Teacup9

Thu, Aug 28 2008, 3:23 am

I think you should say he is cute. Cute is actions just as much as it is pure looks. That said I know it is hard for some people. My son gets a lot of compliments and I never remember to compliment back because it just isn't in my nature to think children are cute (except of course my own). Also, while I am sure your child is quite the looker I don't really think everyone calls each other's toddlers cute because they are so much as they feel all babies are cute or that such compliments are the typical and appropriate way to socialize with other mothers. It is the same way you say "hello how are you?" to your neighbors.

cubbie

Thu, Aug 28 2008, 4:47 am

I don't believe that your friend thinks her kid is anything but cute even if you disagree (and even if in yours and everyone else's eyes he's "ugly") Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and she probably thinks that her kid is cuter than any other even yours. Perhaps she tells you that your kid is cute for you to return the compliment, maybe people don't tell her that her kid is cute and she's waiting to hear those words from someone else.

amother

Thu, Aug 28 2008, 5:17 am

I'm going to make a point to tell her that her son is cute next time we get together. It's hard because he doesn't have a very cute personality either... it's not like he's doing cute things.

I don't think she thinks he's cute (there is just no way, if you saw this child), but I think poster above is right that she probably needs to hear it.

pacifier

Thu, Aug 28 2008, 9:01 am

there's always something cute about a toddler.... the way they act, react, try to open something, the cute outfits, sometimes even when they mess things around one can find it funny.... (better take the paint on the wall as funny for 1 minute and then clean than getting all frustrated about it straight away....). and give that child a lot of smiles, this will make him smile as well and seem nicer to everyone. the uglliest person in the world, if they have a genuine smile, look "nice".
we smile to children with physical or mental handicaps, why can't we smile to other children?

amother

Thu, Aug 28 2008, 2:28 pm

pacifier wrote:

Sigh... this child seriously does nothing cute. When he plays he's very subdued and just follows what the other kids do. And for some reason my friend does not dress him in cute outfits, just dirty hand-me-downs (money is not an issue).

Rutabaga, I think sometimes there is a good case for lying. This is probably it. She can wonder whether I think he's really cute or not, but when there is just silence after she tells me how cute my DS is, it's unbearable. I'm going to do it.

Bambamama

Thu, Aug 28 2008, 2:55 pm

I think it's like that thing where someone is allowed to say to the chasan that his bride is beautiful, whether or not she is objectively attractive... Sometimes you just say things because it's expected and the alternative would mean very hurt feelings.

HindaRochel

Thu, Aug 28 2008, 3:14 pm

amother wrote:

pacifier wrote:

Why do you have to call him cute? There are a lot of nice adjective. He sound sweet, why not call him sweet? Ortry and see him as thoughtful rather than subdued, quiet and polite willing to give rather than as 'following'.

Cute is only one nice adjectives, there are others. And they are there if you are willing to look.