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Forum
-> Judaism
-> Halachic Questions and Discussions
greenfire
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 Sun, Aug 24 2008, 9:01 pm
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is there an inyan of not putting at tombstone on a baby's grave ... don't know if it makes a difference but not a miscarriage or a stillborn ... a baby who lived for several months ...
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happyone
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Sun, Aug 24 2008, 9:19 pm
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Some do. Some don't. depending on their minhagim.
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greenfire
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Sun, Aug 24 2008, 9:33 pm
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hm ... I wonder what makes it a minhag vs an emotional decision ... wouldn't it be more kovod to have one ...
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mama-star
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Sun, Aug 24 2008, 10:15 pm
oy. hamakom yenachem...
lo aleinu.
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ShakleeMom
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Sun, Aug 24 2008, 11:48 pm
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I believe it is not done to discourage the endless mourning, which is prolonged when the mother goes to visit the grave. I also believe the exact location of the grave is not disclosed to the parents. If you ever speak to a mom after an episode like that, they will describe the whole process with the chevra kedisha, naming the baby, making a bris… more than enough. Who still needs a grave!
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greenfire
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Sun, Aug 24 2008, 11:56 pm
okay I feel misunderstood ... no baby died recently ...
and it was NOT a miscarriage or stillbirth ...
I am asking regarding the halachic perspective as somebody told me this is not done ... while others told me for sure it's done ...
I should think a tombstone would bring way more comfort to a mourner than erasing the person altogether ...
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Ruchel
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Thu, Aug 28 2008, 3:55 pm
Lo aleinu.
That said, I visited cemetaries to see the graves of dh's ancestors in Italy and babies had tombstones, names on them, and sometimes pictures, "from the mourning parents", etc.
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Marion
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Fri, Aug 29 2008, 12:37 am
No mourning is done for an infant who dies under 30 days old. In many circles the parents don't even attend the levaya, they don't know where the grave is, and there is not even shiva. This is halacha.
For a child OVER 30 days old, all the ritual of mourning applies INCLUDING the placement of a tombstone.
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zufriedene
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Fri, Aug 29 2008, 12:53 am
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it has nothing to do with the days , it depends if the baby was a bar kayama, had the ability of living on his own, recently our dear friend lost a 7 month old baby and didnt sit shiva because the baby had heart failure from birth.and never came out of the hospital except for a few hours for the bris, when they hadnt yet realized how sick he was, awhile ago there was another such casei n bne brak where Harav Vozner paskened the same , no shiva for a chf baby. Obviously Daas Tora realizes parents are mourning anyway and a psak is a psak.
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Marion
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Fri, Aug 29 2008, 1:19 am
| zufriedene wrote: | | it has nothing to do with the days , it depends if the baby was a bar kayama, had the ability of living on his own, recently our dear friend lost a 7 month old baby and didnt sit shiva because the baby had heart failure from birth.and never came out of the hospital except for a few hours for the bris, when they hadnt yet realized how sick he was, awhile ago there was another such casei n bne brak where Harav Vozner paskened the same , no shiva for a chf baby. Obviously Daas Tora realizes parents are mourning anyway and a psak is a psak. | The basic halacha DOES have to do with age. Of course, a Rav can give a different psak based on the circumstances. This is true of all halacha. But if you were to go look it up (I like Rabbi Lamm's "The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning"), this is what you would find as the basic halacha.
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