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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
"Different" Children - don't let it come to this !
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ChossidMom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 10 2008, 4:34 am
EXACTLY.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 10 2008, 8:10 am
rebellion is innate - not restricted to one type of human vs another ...
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Tefila




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 11 2008, 3:50 pm
True no system is perfect but perhaps we parents should be asking ourselves first how perfect loving and all, non judgemental, is our homelife? Before judging others. Confused

I have one other silly question, in that video where was the mother shock do we really have to always remain silent when we feel it's not in the best interest for the child I can't believe she agreed with the fathers aproach!!!
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PinkandYellow




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 11 2008, 10:43 pm
Tefila wrote:
True no system is perfect but perhaps we parents should be asking ourselves first how perfect loving and all, non judgemental, is our homelife? Before judging others. Confused

I have one other silly question, in that video where was the mother shock do we really have to always remain silent when we feel it's not in the best interest for the child I can't believe she agreed with the fathers aproach!!!


first of all, they wouldn't have filmed the mom anyways, it isn't tznius. 2nd, technically, from a torah perspective, the chinuch in the home is up to the father. its one of the things in his domain. she probly should've gone to their rav and discussed it with him, but would've probly had to do that behind his back and I can't imagine she was interested. and sometimes its just easier to go along with a difficult decision, even a wrong one, that someone else makes.

on a different note, not pertaining to this video per se, but don't you think that parents have the right to set rules for the house that the children, if they want to reside there, have to follow? certain basic guidelines? obviously, it has to be discussed with a rav and you need to set priorities, picking your battles so as not to lose the war (not that it should be a fight, but...). why shouldn't a parent be able to say 'we do not allow anyone openly michalel shabbos in the house'. then its the childs decision to follow or not, and accept consequences. obviously, certain things, like listening to non jewish music or wearing jeans should be very low down on the totem pole and shouldn't even be made into issues. but the same way some ppl wouldn't allow a child in the home if he was influencing siblings with drugs, some other of us are equally concerned about our children's spiritual well-being, and so wouldn't let a child into the home if he were influencing siblings to be mechalel shabbos. at a certain pt, we have to say, this is the derech our child has chosen, but just cuz we accept, doesn't mean we condone, and doesn't mean we have to let it take over the rest of the house and household members.
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zufriedene




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 11 2008, 11:34 pm
IMHO, no matter how important the message is ,it has to be done logically.
All along it looks like a lady in a tichel, she even has a necklace. If its lady with a necklace, why would her husband kiss her for a film, IF its the son, I rarely see a son give a father a peck on the cheek.
The idea I got, was its the mother that became sick, and maybe its the son became a baal teshuva? But then the age doesnt fit. With so many unclear motives, I agree with the poster that this movie maker better get himself some other hobby.
Then of course is the discussion what we do when children go otd? how far does a child go to be recognized as otd, shmiras shabus, drugs?
Do jeans and a change in the kappel sytle mean otd, or just plain acting out due to distress?
Of course every child should be loved unconditionally, therefore its for daas tora only to decdide how to react to a child, after its agreed upon whats otd/
THis video doesnt show any siblings in danger, physically or spiritually, so whats the alarm????
Yes, its very diferent if you're concerned what to do if you'er afraid siblings will be abused, or if they will also go otd. or if no one else is going to influenced, and your coping with social shame only!!!
Pls do not even compare of setting up a DS child in a home to a child otd, two very very different emotional situations that SHOULDNT BE LINKED TOGETHER.
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PinkandYellow




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 12 2008, 12:26 am
I need to add, I forgot to make clear in my post, that even if its required to 'kick out' a child from the home there is a way to do it, and of course daas torah must be consulted every step of the way.
keep in mind, Hashem did tell avraham avinu to banish yishmael and it was very painful for him but he did it. so there is a time and place where it might be appropriate.

I think we can all agree the video wasn't done well but that shouldn't take away from teh overall message and issues involved.
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