getting unwanted advice

amother

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 4:46 am

after shul on shabbat, I was waiting for my husband to come down and I was waiting outside. my baby was in the carriage. it got VERY windy all of a sudden, so I took her out to put on a sweatshirt. then she would not go back in so I just held her a bit. this lady came up to me and said "gosh, why is your baby wearing so many layers? its so hot out"? I said, when I left the house it was getting cold and she is cold now. she said it in a way that made it sound like "I know what I am doing, you dont".

then as we were walking home, this same lady asked my husband how he is coming into fatherhood and if he has gotten used to it yet (our baby is 4 months) he said, im getting there and the lady, again the answer was sort of like, "I know what im doing, you dont" was "well, when you have twins, the father has to be involved, but when you only have one, the father sort of gets lost in the shuffle". I thought that that was so rude.

who is this lady to tell my husband if he is involved or not. and he is BH involved.

why do people do that? give "advice" when it is not really advice and not really wanted?

shalhevet

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 5:06 am

Can I guess that you are in Israel?? It is just natural here, so just get used to it. People do it when you are on your twelfth baby too Smile

Look at it positively - people here care. They care that your baby is hot/cold/tired/hungry whatever. And everyone in this country is an expert in babies whether they are pregnant with their first, or having great-grandchildren. Rolling Laughter

So just learn to say thank you, and then do whatever you want to.

yOungM0mmy

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 5:28 am

lol, it's definitely an israel thing. When I was living there with my first child, once his socks fell off on the bus, and I had a minute walk to where I was going, so I didnt bother putting them back on. 2 people stopped to tell me he didnt have socks on, like I didnt notice! And then in the baby bjorn carrier, a woman stopped to ask me if his head was supported enough - she even felt it for herself, and then someone else asked if he could breathe in there when I had him on facing me....
I agree, just smile, and then go right on doing what you want!

cubbie

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 5:41 am

I got a call from a friend to ask me how to dress her baby because she was so confused, she was walking and a lady stopped her to tell her that her baby was cold, so she listened and put an extra layer on him, a block later another lady stopped her to tell her that he was hot, so she took the extra layer off, this happenned FOUR times in a row until she burst out crying and called me for help!!!

willow

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 5:42 am

I don't know I used to think it was a Israel thing but then on SHabbos sitting with a bunch of (american) neighbors and Israeli women a few women " kept saying willow don't do that or grab her or bla bla. I am a bit reserved and I was very very hurt. I just smiled quietly but I went home and felt so not accepted and very judged.

zufriedene

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 5:42 am

okay, it wasnrt me, but some appreciation for a gute eitza. the lady must of felt like a million $$$, free unsolicited advice, Say thank-u enjoy, fargin , remember years fly quicky. u're going to want to give advice and be appreciated also, get the wheel spinning.

amother

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 5:49 am

zufriedene wrote:

ok, well this is the OP here. the lady who gave me the advice was the same age as me, her babies are just a bit older than mine is and they are also her first. so whats her excuse?

Ruchel

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 5:52 am

It seems to be very much a generation thing. Some people, older but not OLD, are really into giving "advice" (generally outdated) and pressuring about it. I don't know what's wrong with them, because for sure not all raised their children SO well!!!

amother

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 5:57 am

Ruchel wrote:

but I just said (OP) that the lady that gave me the "advice" was the same age as me....................................................

amother

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 8:02 am

catonmylap wrote:

funny...I was wondering if you were in Israel- but then I thought "not" since in Israel, it just happens all the time, so you just ignore it.

OP here: yup, I am in israel and no this does not always happen to me and especially not from a guy that I dated.

PinkandYellow

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 8:10 am

when my first was a baby I was going into tachana merkazit, teh lines were real long. anyways when I get to the front the security guard, a young single girl, stops me and starts telling me, the baby is cold, how old is he, he is so cute, etc. meanwhile there is this huge line behind me!
and how many times when the baby is sleeping int he carriage, (usually with their head at a real uncomfortable looking odd angle) I can get 5-10 ppl stopping me to tell me my baby is sleeping as if I didn't know! but you know what I do? I put a look of shock on my face and say 'b'emet?!' and go to the front of the carriage to look at the baby in surprise that she taka is sleeping and you know what? I've just made that person's day, she feels so good she helped me out!
so just smile and nod and don't take it personally or you won't survive here (if you are in israel).