your freinds kids out with husband- chareidi answer please

Seraph

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 9:35 am

I wanted to know the accepted chareidi hanhogo on this:
You're friends with Chana. Chana has kids that you know and like.
Chana's kids are out of the house with Mr Chana. Do you say anything to the kids or do you not pay attention to them because you don't want to call attention to yourself in front of the husband?
Does it make a difference the age of the kids?

Gnomie

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 9:43 am

Where I live it is not done, no matter what the ages of the kids are. If you want to know where I live to gague my answer, pm me.

grin

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 9:54 am

if the kids are girls, or boys under the age of 5, I don't see the problem. If they are boys older than that, you shouldn't. This is consistent with conversing with the opposite gender only within the confines of his home or yours.
(when I meet one of my male co-workers on the street, we give a slight nod, nothing more. BTW, even at work, it's S.A. not to refer to each other on first name basis.)

Last edited by grin on Sun, Sep 21 2008, 9:57 am; edited 1 time in total

ShakleeMom

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 9:56 am

I just wave. With time, the husbands appreciate this friendliness and it becomes less awkward as the kids then wave to me first.

Seraph

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 10:00 am

If you have your kids with you and your kids are friends with Mr and Mrs Chana's kids, does that change the situation at all?

Ruchel

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 10:04 am

You can always try very lightly and go according to the man's reaction (friendly, embarrassed, horrified lol). Or you can be obvious that you're there to socialize the kids and not "pay attention" to the guy.

octopus

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 10:07 am

I have no idea. I'm generally really uncomfortable with other people's husbands. I don't want to be rude, but at the same time, not too friendly, either. Which just makes me uncomfortable.

Gnomie

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 10:10 am

Also, no difference. I might say to my kid "Oh look, there's Malki and her Tatte." If she is friends with Malki, and she was old enough to go over and say hi unsupervised, then I would let her. If not, then not, and would carry on my way. This is also a comment from the Israeli charedi perspective. I don't know, it may be different in America

catonmylap

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 10:11 am

Can you/ do you say good shabbos/shabbat shalom if it is shabbos?

ShakleeMom

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 10:12 am

I try not to say anything, only to wave. Because the husband feels strange. With waving, he can look away. With G’Shabbos, he may feel obliged to answer, then uncomfortable.

Seraph

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 10:14 am

Like today Daddy Dovid was walking with little Dovid. Dovid is in Uriel's gan, and I'm his ganenet. My first reaction is to point out Dovid to Uriel and say "Uriel, say hi to Dovid" and both of us wave and say hi together. But then I wonder if I'm doing something totally unaccepted that I just am not realizing.

Gnomie, an israeli perspective is good as I am in israel.

red sea

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 10:19 am

My guess-tiquitte for chareidi israeli circles would be its inappropriate for you to initiate saying hi, if the child does on their own its fine. I wonder if I am right.

Gnomie

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 10:20 am

So where I live (again pm if you want to know) the standard of tznius is quite strict. I have, several times, seen the younger children and father of a family we are very close to walking down the street. I would not/did not feel comfortable talking to the kids in front of their father. Even when I have my baby (who they LOVE) with me, I do not talk to them. If one of the kids waved to me, I would wave back, but that is about it.

This is MY personal oppinion, which I believe goes in line with my community hanhogo.

mamacita

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 10:26 am

I generally say hi to the kids an completely ignore the abba unless I know him and know he's the kind who wouldn't mind a polite hello. Some get just a nod, some get complete anti-eye contact etc.

SingALong

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 10:45 am

I point out to my kids "oh look so and so is here! go over and say hello." so we arent standing right next to each other but im still teaching my DD that its polite to say hello to ppl. it can be in the grocery or something, and they are next in line, whatever. I just keep it casual, but definitely ignore the husband, even my next door neighbor who we make family trips with and shmooze by each other every week