Do I have to give housekeeper what we're eating for dinner?

amother

Tue, Sep 23 2008, 9:32 pm

I have a [gentile woman] working in my house until 8 PM, sometimes a bit later so I like to give her some dinner while she's here working.

Sometimes I just make her a simple sandwich. Other times I give her some of whatever we are having for dinner.

I feel funny sometimes when I make something fancy (expensive) for us and just give her a plain old salami sandwich or a PBJ. But I don't want to spend $$ for her to eat lamb chops here.

What is the proper etiquette for this?

cheerios

Tue, Sep 23 2008, 9:41 pm

Does she have to eat at the same time as you? If you're family eats at 7, give her whatever you want at 6, and let her work while you eat (unless you'd rather she join the family dinner table).

cassandra

Tue, Sep 23 2008, 10:03 pm

amother wrote:

I have a goya working in my house until 8 PM, sometimes a bit later so I like to give her some dinner while she's here working.

Sometimes I just make her a simple sandwich. Other times I give her some of whatever we are having for dinner.

I feel funny sometimes when I make something fancy (expensive) for us and just give her a plain old salami sandwich or a PBJ. But I don't want to spend $$ for her to eat lamb chops here.

What is the proper etiquette for this?

How would you feel if you were in her situation?

Fabulous

Tue, Sep 23 2008, 10:05 pm

You have a point but she is an employee and employees don't always get all the perks and privileges of the boss.

cassandra

Tue, Sep 23 2008, 10:07 pm

Of course she doesn't have to, it's just common decency. She's a human being, not your slave. OP says it feels wrong and she wants people to validate her cheapness. If you don't want to feed her expensive food then don't feed it to your family either, or do it after she leaves.

cassandra

Tue, Sep 23 2008, 10:14 pm

Ok. Now I'm thinking troll because anyone who would hire a "goya" would call her a "[gentile woman]"

pomegranate

Tue, Sep 23 2008, 10:49 pm

it's ok. at the place where my hasband works (b&h)they also don't give lunch or dinner. and when I worked I also didn't get food from my boss. so in my opinion these cleaning ladies can bring along with them their own sandwiches. (they make more money in an hour then I made when I taught in school.. but I won't go into that.)

cookielady

Tue, Sep 23 2008, 10:53 pm

I feed my cleaning lady well. I figure she is working really hard and needs a good lunch if I want her to have energy to work. I also would feel funny having all this good food cooking and serving her a pbj. But then I do think about food way too much, maybe she doesnt.

flowerpower

Tue, Sep 23 2008, 10:53 pm

You don't have to invite her to your dinner table and have her join you. She is not your cousin from out of town. You can give her a nice meal at 6-like someone suggested like a good sandwhich and add a drink and some cookies and put on a nice tray.

mimivan

Tue, Sep 23 2008, 10:58 pm

I agree that you shouldnt' have to give her your lamb chops or other expensive food item...but give her something decent and avoid eating the meal in front of her. If you do end up eating the meal in front of her, then I would say you really should give her some too.

greenfire

Tue, Sep 23 2008, 11:04 pm

well - if you could afford lambchops for a regular dinner ... Scratching Head

how rude it would be to eat in front of someone else - anybody else - and not offer them food ...

buzzinmom

Sat, Sep 27 2008, 6:57 pm

ur the boss u do what u want and you shouldnt have to feel bad about it (no matter which way you go with it-feeding her earlier or having her join u guys for dinner).

amother

Sat, Sep 27 2008, 7:19 pm

cassandra wrote:

Ok. Now I'm thinking troll because anyone who would hire a "goya" would call her a "[gentile woman]"

I'm not the OP but my mother in law says "goya" but my mother in law isn't on imamother I hope!

greenfire wrote:

well - if you could afford lambchops for a regular dinner ...

Where I live lambchops is a cheaper form of meat then others. I'ts like buying chicken.

mommalah

Sat, Sep 27 2008, 8:20 pm

amother wrote:

cassandra wrote:

Ok. Now I'm thinking troll because anyone who would hire a "goya" would call her a "[gentile woman]"

I'm not the OP but my mother in law says "goya" but my mother in law isn't on Imamother I hope!

greenfire wrote:

well - if you could afford lambchops for a regular dinner ...

Where I live lambchops is a cheaper form of meat then others. I'ts like buying chicken.

Australia?

SingALong

Sun, Sep 28 2008, 12:04 am

I think that we need to provide our cleaning help with good food if we dont want them bringing treif food into our homes.
I always give my help whatever we are having. if you are making somehting expensive, maybe still give her a decent meal of last night's supper like chicken cutlet or meatballs, so its still a proper supper. when I want to make my DH a steak or something special, I cook it later, in a separate dish, she doesnt see it.

NativeMom

Sun, Sep 28 2008, 12:10 am

My cleaning ladies never stayed late but my MIL's does and she gives her whatever they're having. Over the summer she worked every day till 8pm (shabbos included) and she stayed in a separate house in their bungalow colony. She ate A LOT and they found that all the leftover food was disappearing. They found out that she was taking it all to her friends that were working there for the summer!

amother

Sun, Sep 28 2008, 4:12 am

cassandra,

alot of jews originating from poland call goytas "goyas"

Tamiri

Sun, Sep 28 2008, 4:58 am

I never heard the word [gentile woman] before a kollel wife (probably Hungarian) called hers that name. [gentile] and Goya are proper Hebrew - don't know about Yiddish.
I don't think the cleaning help needs to eat lamb chops, but I also think it would be nice if you didn't have them on the day she's there.
לא תחסום שור בדישו - I don't know if it applies here, but I am sure there is a Halachic response to this question.

catonmylap

Sun, Sep 28 2008, 5:04 am

That seems totally sick to me to eat fancy food and feed her a sandwich. If you don't want to share lamb chops, make it when she isn't there.

Coffee3

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 10:48 am

When I know I'm having a babysitter, I give my kids pizza or pasta so that she can share if she wants to.