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Leaving a screaming child



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Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 11 2004, 2:21 pm
A mother told me that when her almost 3 year old son started school, he was crying and she didn't want to leave. She was willing to stay, until he felt comfortable with the new place and new people. She would have done this for a few days too.

But the principal of the pre-school told her she had a phone call, which wasn't true, but it was supposed to be a way to get her out of the room, and then she didn't allow the mother to go back in.

The boy cried Mommy for a week. The morah complained that she was having nightmares about this child screaming Mommy.

My opinion - the preschool director shouldn't be a preschool director. I see absolutely no purpose or benefit in tearing a child away from his mother.

and I find the response: "oh, but in a few days they get over it" inane

of course they get over it

children are resilient and will learn to cope, but at what price?

what message did her child get?
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proudmom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 11 2004, 3:48 pm
I dont agree with the parent in letting the child cry. I think she should have stayed there until the child got used to the place. The child probably feels that he isnt wanted
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Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 12 2004, 3:17 pm
the parent WANTED to stay, but the preschool director DID NOT LET HER!
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proudmom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 12 2004, 3:27 pm
I dont agree with that at all. If the parent wants to stay she has the right to do so
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Tefila




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 13 2004, 10:44 pm
Then if that was the case I would just have taken my child right then and there out How dare a preschool director do such a sneaky thing to both parent and child who knows what other sneaky things she does. I don't think the preschool director is mean but she is certainly out of tune especially since it was just the beginning shock
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Chanie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 26 2004, 1:15 pm
The preschool that my son attends was actually very good about the subject. They incourage the parents to stay, if the parent has the time, until both the parent and the child feels comfurtable with the arrangment. I stayed one whole session and then twice I stayed for over a half hour. By that point I saw that my son was interacting well with the teachers and so I left.
My son still cries if he sees me leave, but thats understandable, he does that when I leave him with my husband or if my husband leaves him. I'm his mother and his comfurt, but he always calms down as soon as I leave. Infact a couple of times (in the begining) the preschool actually called me to tell me that I shouldn't worry, he stopped crying when I left and was playing nicely with the other kids.
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Rivka




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 02 2004, 3:04 pm
When I first started my son in creche they like you to start 3 days before for only half an hour each time while the parent is there to get the child settled in.
That doesn't sound healthy that the child screamed for a week the whole day,
if my son cries for most the time they ring me at work and tell me to come pick him up, it isn't normal. He cries a bit when I drop him off but I always keep back to listen a bit and two seconds later I hear him playing and chatting.
A mother needs to know her child is in a good and friendly enviroment and they are enjoying their day. I think the director of that nursery was cruel and shouldn't be in charge of children.
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Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 02 2004, 4:27 pm
I guess "creche" is an English word, but boy oh boy is it "off-putting" to Americans. I checked the dictionary to see if I was mistaken, and I wasn't! The word creche means the tableau of the birth of Yoshke in the stable in Bethlehem! How did it come to mean a playgroup?! shock
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Rochel Leah




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 02 2004, 4:43 pm
Motek, In south africa we also use creche for a playgroup/daycare/nursery
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Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 02 2004, 4:58 pm
England-South Africa- wouldn't be suprised if it's Australian too
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de_goldy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 02 2004, 7:28 pm
It is Wink
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Rivka




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 05 2004, 6:26 pm
Ok what is the problem here? Creche is French and actually only in North America it's conotations are to do with the nativity scene, in other countries it means a day care for young children.
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ForeverYoung

Guest


 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 09 2004, 1:19 pm
crying child is not a black& white issue.

that director might have a point, though.

if mother goes in & out, it is harfer for the child, b/c s/he thinks that crying will bring her back.
I firmly believe in once out - do not come back unless you:
1. plan to take the child out
2. child is crying way too hard/ long
3. you v=can do something cons)tructive (coming in to dry tears & come out to crying again doesn't count)

Actually, I had similar situation w/ my daughter.
I remained behind the door & timed here crying, ready to take her home if needed.
I also didn't leave untill her favorite 'morah' - teacher was ready to take her from my arms into hers.
And I had the option to take her home if she wasn't happy - many mothers don't

This is a very complex issue, which has to be dealt with on individual basis and the mother has to be ready in adnvace.
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hadasa




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 09 2004, 2:09 pm
It really depends. In many cases, the child will cry as long as he thinks his mother can hear, and will settle down very happily once he can't see her. In other cases, the child will continue screaming for a long time and get progressively more hysterical, in which case I think he should not be forced to stay. For that reason, I agree with ForeverYoung that listening behind the door in order to judge the situation is the best option.
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Tefila




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 09 2004, 5:05 pm
motek
Quote:
But the principal of the pre-school told her she had a phone call, which wasn't true,

This was/is my Biggest issue Mad sorry if I was told that my kid would be out of there in a jiffy!
Be upfront with parent and state policy and then the parent can take it or leave it but not to decieve Mad
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ForeverYoung

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Post Thu, Dec 09 2004, 9:08 pm
I totally agree!!!

however, we don't know if this was ment to give mother an excuse to leave the room (ie for her good) or to get mother out of the class for their own convenience.

I also am not sure about the not letting her back in part.
Did they explain to her why? The truth is, the mother needs to work together w/ teachers, b/c in the end they have to deal w. an unhappy child for the rest of the day.
I mean, they wouldn't physically block her from going into the room, or did they do just that?

Besides, how many people call you to your child's daycare's office?????
Sounds like mother was 'in' on this secret.

the entire story is a bit confusing, especially, considering that we have it from a 3rd person, who heard it from a very upset person.
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Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 09 2004, 9:34 pm
it was meant to give the mother an excuse to leave the room but the mother wasn't let in on this plan!

it was a very heavy-handed approach on the director's part and that the child cried for a week means it was not handled properly
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ForeverYoung

Guest


 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 09 2004, 9:40 pm
Wow, did she pull her kid out?
this is terrible!!!!!

my daugher cryed almost every day, but stopped as soon as I was out of site. I even waited outside to see if she'll start crying again.

The whole place looked at this 'stange' mom, standing by the door, watching her watch
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