going away for shabbos

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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts

Going away for shabbos

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PinkandYellow

Thu, Dec 11 2008, 3:09 am

when you go away for shabbos, do you bring a gift or dessert or s/t? if you go only for a meal? if you go for the whole shabbos? we are moving to a new community and I know we will get a lot of help. but obviusly we don't have much money. so is it rude not to give something? how do you decide who gets and who doesn't?

MiracleMama

Thu, Dec 11 2008, 3:37 am

Yes, I always give something to my hosts, both for just a meal and for the whole shabbos. I would feel very rude if I didn't. It doesn't have to be extravagant. For a meal I would normally send over before shabbos a bottle of wine or liquor or some flowers. For a whole shabbos I would do both the wine and flowers or more typically find a nice bowl, serving platter, vase, etc.... something along those lines.... to bring to my hostess. I know people don't invite for the gifts, and I certainly don't expect a thing from anyone when I invite, but still I was taught that to come empty handed is just rude.

willow

Thu, Dec 11 2008, 5:23 am

I always bring something. Usually I offer to help out and make something its always appreciated.

Marion

Thu, Dec 11 2008, 5:31 am

I think it depends on the community norm. I used to always bring something...when I did that in Israel it was appreciated, but laughable.

I will be staying with the boys over Shabbat in the apartment of a friend of a friend (happens to know DH, but I didn't know that at the time) so we can be with DH. We're baking a bunch of cakes for the house for motzaei Shabbat, because I anticipate a madhouse. It is my intention to leave one of the cakes for our Shabbat hosts as a thank you.

Fabulous

Thu, Dec 11 2008, 10:38 am

It depends on a few criteria.

Are you going just you and dh? or with kids? Is it a close friend? An acquitance? Did you need to go there for some reason? Did they invite you for your company?

Being that I'm married less than a year, I don't give anything when I eat by someone on Shabbos but as a single girl if I went to a friend's house for the whole shabbos, I would bring a candy/nuts tray or the like. It also depends if you're sleeping there.

Lani22

Thu, Dec 11 2008, 10:43 am

I think if you cant afford much bring a nice home made dessert- I always appreciate that as a hostess.

Fabulous

Thu, Dec 11 2008, 10:45 am

Lani22 wrote:

I think if you cant afford much bring a nice home made dessert- I always appreciate that as a hostess.

That's a nice idea. My mother often brought a sweet kugel to a host for shabbos when we went away (which was a rare occasion).

ShakleeMom

Thu, Dec 11 2008, 4:45 pm

If it’s a close friend or family and I know them well, I’ll buy something they would love like a tablecloth, etc. but if it’s anyone else, I will bake some miniatures that don’t need to be cut up for instant hostess serving.

zaq

Fri, Dec 12 2008, 9:47 am

We never go empty-handed nor do we send our kids empty handed, even if all it is is a cake from my freezer. Only exception is immediate family we go to all the time. After we were married about a year, my sil said "let's make a deal, when you come to us don't bring anything and when we come to you we won't bring anything". But when we visit mil which is not often we always bring something.

greenfire

Fri, Dec 12 2008, 9:54 am

ditto on the homemade goodies ...

Mimisinger

Fri, Dec 12 2008, 10:00 am

I usu. bring candyin a dish from a local candy store. When I'm going somewhere that people don't know me, I"m always careful to bring something with a hechsher. People I know? Always homemade baked stuff - brownies, cookies, etcf.

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