Biting Victim | Imamother

MMEC123

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 7:46 pm

My 2 year old DS is in a playgroup and yesterday and today he came home with bite marks on his body. They were both very red and skin was broken. This is not the first time it has happened. The first 2 times I called the teacher who apologized and said they know who bites and they are working on it. The 3rd time the teacher called me to tell me she saw it happen. Well, it keeps happening and I don't know what to do. Obviously I will talk to the teacher but I am a bit concerned that he has been bitten at least 6 times that I can think of and she only noticed it once. DS is a sweet and easy going kid though I'm sure some of the time he might instigate I still feel like something needs to be done I just don't know what. Also he has started biting at home. I understand that 2 year olds bite sometimes but it seems like it's getting out of hand. He's my first so I am feeling a little lost. Help!

btMOMtoFFBs

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 8:18 pm

the teacher should probably involve the biter's parents. if he is a frequent biter, he might have to start getting bigger and bigger consequences for biting before he stops. I.e. being separated from other children, being sent home for the day, etc. You must insist that the teacher take it very seriously.

I went thru this w/ one of my kids and I know its heartbreaking as the parent to think of someone biting your child in school.

de_goldy

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 10:40 pm

In the preschool where I teach this is definitely a common problem, particularly in the 2's agegroup. We ALWAYS notify parents, either when they come to pick up their child, or if a babysitter is picking up the child,we call the parent before the child even goes home to let them know.

The way we usually deal with this is to get teething toys for the classroom which the children can chew on. This gives them something that's okay to bite and it takes care of that sensory need.

bubby

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 11:31 pm

It doesn't sound like the problem has been addressed properly or in a timely fashion; the teacher didn't even notice! Since this has happened so often I'd be very tempted to pull my kid out. Yes, it's a common problem, but obviously it's not been dealt with. There are other playgroups, I'm sure!

dora

Tue, Jan 06 2009, 11:44 pm

I have a biter in my room of nine 18 month olds. We are 2 teachers in the room and it happened more then once that a parent pointed out a bite mark to us which we didn't know about. Not all children, even 2 year olds can tell a teacher what happened or even point to the "boo boo" site, a teacher can check for a cause when a child is crying and still not see a bite mark. I am not excusing any of it or dismissing the very reall problem the OP has, but please understand that it is a difficult behavior to correct in such an age.

yOungM0mmy

Wed, Jan 07 2009, 7:06 am

It may be difficult, but it should not have happened so many times. The point is not if the teacher saw or not, that would not be my main issue, but why is it taking so long to deal with? If they know there is a problem, then they and the parents have to deal with it together, quickly and firmly.
My DS started biting all of a sudden when he was about 2, and I consistently and firmly told him we use our mouths for eating, not for biting. At least 15 times a day, every time he came near me or his brother, every time he was eating, we re-inforced this message. It took maybe 4 days, he hasn't bitten since, and now that his little brother started biting, he parrots back "mouths are for eating, not for biting."

MMEC123

Wed, Jan 07 2009, 6:52 pm

Thanks for all your input. I called the teacher who right away said first that it must have happened during aftercare (he stays late with a different teacher) but I had picked him up early yesterday so I told her obviously it happened in class. Then she said it must've been when she was out of the room and only the assistant was there.

Dora- I totally hear your perspective, I am also a preschool teacher BUT she keeps throwing the blame on other people. That make me nervous. I have been trying really hard to balance the "I know 2 year olds bite" with "how much is too much?"

She said she feels bad and she'll keep an eye but she doesn't even know who it would be because she claims there has been no biting in the class for a long time.

Now that I have spoken to the teacher, is it out of line to speak with the head of the preschool since all I really got was other people being blamed? Should I wait til the next time it happens or complain now?

btMOMtoFFBs

Wed, Jan 07 2009, 6:56 pm

preschool head should totally be made aware. you don't have to accuse the teacher of anything when telling the director, just share the facts and let her know you want SERIOUS attention given to the matter so it will STOP.

Biting is serious. Children should feel safe in school.

sky

Wed, Jan 07 2009, 8:27 pm

ds was a biter and the victim of bites. His teacher always addressed it immediately - if he did it or if someone did it to him. Children typically cry when bitten especially if there are marks - I can't imagine the teacher wouldn't have known.

As a parent, when he bit, I felt horrible, but there was nothing for me to do. He never, ever, bit at home. After doing it 2 days in a row his morah asked if she could put pepper on his tongue the next time he did. I agreed even though I felt horrible about it. She did it - and he never bit again.

I think you should ask the morah for an action plan about what she will do. If someone is a repeat offender they should be punished somehow - either sent home, or something else.

MMEC123

Sun, Jan 11 2009, 9:38 am

I left a message for the head. Apparently she yelled at the teachers but she never called me back to hear the full story from me. I'm going to keep trying her. I am very disappointed that she acted without speaking to me but I guess at least she took it seriously.