PM Etiquette and common courtesy

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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Lechatchila Ariber

Wed, Feb 11 2009, 5:31 pm

Is it just me or do others get put off when their pm's are ignored?
Obviously, (well I hope obviously) I'm not talking about nasty rude pms, and I'm not talking about conversations that have panned out and ended, I'm talking about pms that require some sort of response. Either an answer to a question or an acknowledgement.

I just think it's so rude when a pm is read and ignored for no apparent reason.
Someone takes the time to PM you, do them the courtesy of an answer, no matter how short. If posters have the time to browse and post on imamother then they have the time to take out a few seconds from their browsing experience and acknowledge someone making contact with them.

greenfire

Wed, Feb 11 2009, 5:35 pm

I hear ya ...

yo'ma

Wed, Feb 11 2009, 5:36 pm

Maybe they didn't read it because they haven't been online since the pm was sent. I sometimes read a pm, having in mind to respond later on and I sometimes forget about it.

Lechatchila Ariber

Wed, Feb 11 2009, 5:38 pm

a) they do read it, I can see it's in the sentbox which means it's been read
b) sometimes a poster does it regularly

yo'ma

Wed, Feb 11 2009, 5:41 pm

I don't understand. Just because it's in your sent box, doesn't mean they read it. Maybe they have their computer on mute or they like hearing that annoying noise. Why don't you just stop pming them?

mimivan

Wed, Feb 11 2009, 5:55 pm

I've been guilty of the following:

1) I read a pm..want to give it more thought and respond later but forget! embarrassed

I hope I have apologized to people I've done this too...as a tikkun bli neder, I try to respond immediately now matter how busy I am. It is easy to forget if you get inundated with other things

2). Sometimes people put a question at the very end of a pm. And sometimes I have skimmed the pm but did not see the question at the end. embarrassed

Again sorry if I have done this to anyone..

I'm sure I'm not alone! I'd advise not taking it personally if someone doesn't answer, but follow it up with another pm.

shalhevet

Wed, Feb 11 2009, 6:08 pm

mimivan wrote:

I've been guilty of the following:

1) I read a pm..want to give it more thought and respond later but forget! embarrassed

I hope I have apologized to people I've done this too...as a tikkun bli neder, I try to respond immediately now matter how busy I am. It is easy to forget if you get inundated with other things

I have done this too. I'm sorry.

Anyway, Lechatchila, you have roused my conscience.

During the war someone sent me a really interesting, long pm (you know who you are). Anyway, I received it on a Thursday evening and just didn't have the time to sit down and give it the attention it deserved. I planned to reply Sunday. But somehow once I'd already read it, I just couldn't get my teeth into answering it. I seem to either answer immediately or forget about it totally embarrassed

. But I didn't forget about it, but just kept putting it off - I don't know why. It was a bit like a good book you have to stop reading for a week and then just can't be bothered to pick up again.

Anyway, as time went on I just felt stupider writing and saying 'thanks for your pm, one day I'll reply'. So I waited for the spirit of the L-rd to rest upon me, and it never did.

And I think it has been meanwhile booted from my inbox (I get lots of pms about access to the Israel forum). So I guess I should write and apologise.

So sorry.

The difference between replying to a pm and replying to a thread is that you can choose whether the mood takes you that minute to reply to the thread.

chocolate moose

Wed, Feb 11 2009, 6:24 pm

It's not fair 2 be judge and jury. If ppl don't answer me, I figure they're their not my friend or really busy.

Either way, I can't do anything about it.

Lechatchila Ariber

Wed, Feb 11 2009, 8:34 pm

yo'ma wrote:

I don't understand. Just because it's in your sent box, doesn't mean they read it. Maybe they have their computer on mute or they like hearing that annoying noise. Why don't you just stop pming them?

any pms you still have in your out box have either not been read or have been read via email.
any pms in your sentbox have most definitely been read

as far as forgetting about it, some people do it on a regular basis because...I don't know why but I know with one person in particular she is most definitely not responding because she chooses not to.
her prerogative but it's rude.

someone sent me a pm I think thinking I was talking about them here but no on the whole I'm more forgiving Wink

, it's just when its deliberate that I'm put off

Quote:

Why don't you just stop pming them?

good point, why don't I

amother

Wed, Feb 11 2009, 9:20 pm

Amother - because of what I'm about to say.

What are all of these PMs about? Are they responding to the poster about something they said in a thread? Are they supporting them, etc.? What is the purpose of these PMs?

Otoh, I got a few PMs from a poster and I never wrote her back because I find it very difficult to speak to her and read her posts. I won't say why she pmd me as opposed to writing it on the thread itself, but for a while on this site I had her blocked because everything she wrote got me upset. So, why should I pm her back? I didn't ask for her input?

On the other hand, all the other PMs I got, I responded to.

Lechatchila Ariber

Wed, Feb 11 2009, 9:28 pm

I wrote:

Obviously, (well I hope obviously) I'm not talking about nasty rude pms

greenfire

Wed, Feb 11 2009, 9:29 pm

people can block pm and while you send them - they go poof Bomb

some pms you don't understand why the person didn't just respond in the thread as another post ...

Lechatchila Ariber

Wed, Feb 11 2009, 9:34 pm

greenfire wrote:

people can block pm and while you send them - they go poof Bomb

really? how do you do that?
I want to experiment Twisted Evil

Quote:

some pms you don't understand why the person didn't just respond in the thread as another post ...

sometimes because a) they don't want to reveal something about themselves to everyone
b) because their conversation may be taking a personal turn and they feel it may be not right to the person they are talking to, to say certain things in front of everyone.
c) because they are shy? What

greenfire

Wed, Feb 11 2009, 9:41 pm

go to the top of the page to your profile ... click on it ... scroll downward to ignore and follow instructions to put someone on your "ignore list" ... then submit your profile ...

then you won't get their pms or see their posts ...

Lechatchila Ariber

Wed, Feb 11 2009, 9:43 pm

ignore me please
I want to see what happens when I send you a pm

greenfire

Wed, Feb 11 2009, 9:45 pm

okay ...

Mama Bear

Wed, Feb 11 2009, 9:46 pm

Thanks for the kewl info, I didnt know about all these boxes and their uses. Makes me wonder why certain of my PMs from 07 and 08 are still in the outbox.....

zaq

Thu, Feb 12 2009, 8:37 am

Lechatchila Ariber wrote:

or because they're going to go way OT and don't want to hijack the thread or start a spinoff

Lechatchila Ariber

Thu, Feb 12 2009, 10:34 pm

true too

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