how to prep a child due to have major surgery?

amother

Mon, Dec 07 2009, 10:02 pm

My ds (2.5) is going to have surgery. Its going to be 2-3 hospital stay, 2 wk min recovery. 1 wk of that he has to be quiet and not play rough. He's have plenty of stitches and pain from what I am told. Not to mention an IV and a neck he can't move for a while. Of course I'm worried and davening all will be ok, but how can I prepare him not to freak out when he wakes up after the surgery.

He's terrified of boo boos and blood and frankly with the amount of incisions needed, there will be boo boos and may be blood. Oh and the hospital stay is another whole issue, and the pain. I feel bad, what he goes to sleep feeling good and then wham he wakes up feeling awful for a good while. Isn't that frightening!?!?!?

I'm just wondering what to say if anything at all. He gets a ton, but I don't want to scare him either.

marina

Mon, Dec 07 2009, 10:14 pm

The main thing is to be positive and confident yourself and try to distract him as much as possible.

He's a little young to do a lot of preparing ahead of time, he will forget it all. You might tell him that he will go to sleep and the doctor will help him, but when he wakes up, he might feel a bit sick still for a little while. Even that might be too much to remember. I would just be confident and positive, as much as I could, b/c kids take their cues from the adults. If you look scared and freaked out, he will too. If you are confident and cheerful, he's not going to be confident and cheerful, but he will be less worried.

amother

Mon, Dec 07 2009, 10:40 pm

Oh don't worry I'll insist LOL

There is no way that I'll let him suffer. I'm not sure what exactly what will happen right away though, because of the nature of the surgery they'll have to make sure everything is ok and nothing was damaged soon after. If he's completely drugged out I'm not sure they can see or not. I gues for me the best line from the dr was, "we won't know what it will entail until we open him up" I'm davening so hard it won't be nearly as bad of a surgery as they are expecting.

DovDov

Tue, Dec 08 2009, 12:18 am

marina wrote:

I disagree that a 2.5 yo is necessarily too young to be prepped. My under-two-yo certainly remembers the next morning that I told him we were going to go to the doctor today and it will hurt a little but feel better right away. And he remembers that we did go and that it happened the way I told him -- I know because he tells me. Some kids aren't as verbal, but they do understand.

I'd think there's a potential for betrayal on the part of the child if you soothe him with "it will be okay" and he wakes up in pain. If it were my kids (just three and not yet two), I'd start talking about it at least a week in advance, and I'd get one of those dolls to show them exactly what would happen -- how there will be a needle sticking out to give you medicine, how there will be bandages, that it will hurt but if it hurts too much we'll give you medicine. Yes, there might be blood, but we will be in the hospital and they will be able to take care of it. Oh, and your bed will be able to go up and down! And you will be bale to tell Ima how to move your bed around! And Ima or Abba will stay with you teh whole time, and these are some of the toys we bought to play with when you'r ein the hospital! etc., etc.

If your son is afraid of pain and blood, then I'd focus much more on the fun part and thespecial toys (no matter how special the toy is by itself, its capacity to soothe, distract, excite is magnified by the anticipation) and mention the pain maybe the last day or so before the procedure. I would never let a child go into it blind, not knowing at all what will happen.

curlyhead

Thu, Dec 24 2009, 4:05 am

There are books available for kids on what to expect when having surgery. Not sure if they are appropriate for a two year old. If it is a large hospital the giftshop might have. I once saw a printable book online. If there is an organization that deals with your child's health issue you could also ask them. for books.

Maybe buying him a new toy and tell him that is something to play with in hospital. And it should be something easy to play with while lying down. Maybe like a toy piano or a toy that makes sounds when buttons are pressed.

After surgery they are so out of it and the morphine also puts them out. I don't think he will want to be so active ffor the first few days.

happyone

Thu, Dec 24 2009, 4:17 am

Chai Lifeline had a phone line specific for parents on how to prepare a child for surgery or medical procedures. It went through each age and was very helpful. They have it on tape and you should call them to see if you can borrow a set.
212-465-1300 ask for Toni Cabot.
In addition, I would call the child life coordinator in the hospital and ask for an OR tour. What they do with a child this age is take them for a walk around the operating room area ( waiting room, prep room, recovery room etc..) they will have a play therapist take out a box of supplies and show them the routine. How they put a light on the finger to check 02 levels, blood pressure cuff, the mask they will use in the OR and have them pick a flavor they want to inhale.
They will walk them through the process and show a book of children having gone through it. It's great and actually makes it exciting for the child!
2.5 is not too young to be prepared!

amother

Thu, Dec 24 2009, 7:43 am

SO this is the OP here.

We prepped my toddler. We have been talking about it and telling my other (older) child too so there will be no surprises. BH though he doesn't get it totally, he knows and it won't be suprised when it happens. Thank you all for your warm wishes. When the surgery comes closer(its soon) I'll post a name and time so people can say tehillim.

I'm worried but BH dh took off to spend the hours during the surgery with me. IYH all will go well.