I NEVER do this - a Hachnasas kallah appeal

Mama Bear

Wed, May 17 2006, 5:27 am

Ladies, dont worry. I didnt take it personally at all. I didnt expect much of a response, however, I figured out of 1000 women maybe 5 will contact me? BH in the end I did receive 3 responses so it's 3 more checks!

Several answers to individuals:

Shayna82, There is a major difference between supporting a web site and giving hachnasas kallah. However, you do have a point that it's not a very fundraising type of place. In addition, this section is probably not the most active or widely read section of the site.

amother, unfortunatley h.com hates anyone who is frummer than them. They tear satmar apart to pieces, they think we're not even jews!!! You would not believe how much abuse I've taken over the years. I didnt regret my post though, because I raised about $300 from that site alone!!! But yes they hate us and that's why I barely ever post. I only post a little because I have become a mainstay there and dont want to disappear completely.

Thanks ladies for your support, financial or emotional. No one shoudl feel obligated and I did not get insulted int he least!!!

DefyGravity

Wed, May 17 2006, 7:26 am

amother wrote:

Welcome to hashkafa.com. A bunch of cynical people who hate anyone who is frummer then them.
The most serious topics turn into jokes.
Every other thread turned into s-x.
My yom kippur resolution was to stop going to that site.

Honestly, I don't see much of a difference between most of the posters here and on h.com. The only diff is that whenever things turn ugly here it's immediately deleted. I've seen tons of rude things here, and the same bashing of other people's lifestyles. Like I said, the only difference is that any snotty statements are deleted. There's also a difference b/c the posters here are (hopefully) all women. That's immediately going to make a big difference.

Blossom

Wed, May 17 2006, 8:18 am

Quote:

Honestly, I don't see much of a difference between most of the posters here and on h.com.

Defy just a question. Do you see hatred here towards almost all Rabbonim? towards people who are frummer than you are? Do you see people here tearing others lifestyles to pieces? Badmouthing other communities without having any idea about them?
Did you ever see a post here making fun of Halacha?
It's sad, very very sad what's going on there Crying

DefyGravity

Wed, May 17 2006, 8:26 am

They have loads of members and much more diversity on the site so things are going to be vastly different. That's also what happens when people are allowed more freedom of speech. (You think that there's no bashing of Rebbeim on this site??? Sure there is, but it's deleted quickly). And people know better than to do this here or we'd be kicked off.

And no, I don't see hatred on h.com towards all Rebbeim. People have every right to question and state their opinion, and just b/c it's not what you'd like to hear, doesn't necessarily mean it wrong.

Most people on that site enjoy debate and they don't take everything so personally.

Blossom

Wed, May 17 2006, 8:57 am

Quote:

People have every right to question and state their opinion,

Of course if you're an American then Freedom of Speech is everything but if you're also a Jew who considers himself Torah abiding then NO, You don't have every right to state your opinion- Because what and how we speak is a big part of our religion which includes-Loshon Horah, Motzi shem Ra, Nivel Peh, Litzanus, Sinah, and more.

Quote:

and just b/c it's not what you'd like to hear, doesn't necessarily mean it wrong

You're right,I certainly don't like to hear that Charedim,Litvaks and Chassidim are stupid and crazy and follow ODD EUROPEAN CUSTOMS and that MO people who follow certain ???Chumras??? are dumb:roll:. and Yes it's wrong according to the Torah and not because I like to hear it or not.
I know it's not my business to judge their observance and behavior but I'm allowed to be hurt by their Sinas Chinam and Ignorance, which I am.

amother

Wed, May 17 2006, 9:49 am

Blossom wrote:

Quote:

Honestly, I don't see much of a difference between most of the posters here and on h.com.

Yes to them all. Not defy though.

I did not see hatred on Mindy's thread. But I do feel hatred towards me when I think about the fact that the "good shidduch" the boy is getting means neot me or my kids no matter what I would do, how frum or how good a chassidishe lady I would be.

amother

Wed, May 17 2006, 9:53 am

Blossom wrote:

I know it's not my business to judge their observance and behavior but I'm allowed to be hurt by their Sinas Chinam and Ignorance, which I am.

Right, as are all the people deemed not a "good shidduch". Not because of anything having to do with their own actions.

amother

Wed, May 17 2006, 10:07 am

Blossom wrote:

amother, I'm sorry I don't get what you're trying to say. Could you please try again? I'm really wanting to know what point you are trying to make- Smile

This boy found a "good shidduch" for 50,000. What is a "not good" shidduch?
Me and others like me- no matter what we do.
That is judgemental and it is hatred.

amother

Wed, May 17 2006, 10:30 am

hisorerus wrote:

The person who found a 50,000 shidduch is not the kind of person I'd marry if you paid me!

Right, me neither, but I still feel hated and see them as judgmental that they find it accptable to reject segments of the jewish population that way ("I'd rather pay 50,000$ than let my kid marry HER")

hisorerus

Wed, May 17 2006, 10:33 am

I don't know, it doesn't bother me- those people who are snobby marry snobs, so they get what they deserve, IMO. So my attitude is, serves 'em right! I have no desire to marry into a family that thinks they're doing a favor by considering me.

chen

Wed, May 17 2006, 10:36 am

I don't give to causes thru this or any other website because I do not do financial transactions online, period (not even shopping--if you can't call the 800 number and order by phone, I don't buy it). I am sure there are other people who feel the same. No reflection on Mindy's or anyone else's cause.

amother

Wed, May 17 2006, 10:36 am

hisorerus wrote:

Right, and when a whole community runs according to those snobbish principals they get what they deserve when people think of them as snobbish- in this area.

Blossom

Wed, May 17 2006, 11:47 am

OK I think I got it. You mean to say that you were considered "not a good shidduch" because of certain reasons that are not accepted standards in your community?
Am I on the mark?
If that's the case then that's totally horrible and yes you have every right to be hurt by this. It hurts me too, to see people so snobby and ignorant for no good reason at all.
These are 2 different topics though.
I was referring to the fact that on that website they despise anything that has to do with Orthodoxism which equals to Sinas Chinam.
What you are referring to is some lousy despicable standards in certain communities that if you don't fall into those categories you are not considered good enough for a shidduch which too equals to Sinas Chinam.

Yes there's alot Klal Yisroel needs to work on.

And amother I hope you can find confidence and happiness within yourself to know that it's not these dumb community standards that make a person "good stuff" or not. It is how you yourself and Hashem that decide that. I hope you realize that to Hashem you may probably be much more deemed "good stuff" than many of those who top those "high" standards of your community. I surely hope you don't base your goodness and worth on those standards. Please don't, because silly standards like those don't count. (((HUGS)))

amother

Wed, May 17 2006, 12:46 pm

I am very dissapointed, yesterday this thread had 5 replies, today I see 2 pages, I was soo happy that ppl were responding, but when I opened it up, all I see is arguing and fighting like 2 yr olds.

Mommy912, I really know you to be a nice kid and I didn't expect to hear such a thing from you..
it's possible that it's true that ppl here don't give to online appeals, but even if they don't give, ther'es a much nicer way of saying it.
You could say:
Mindy, I'd just like you to know that I don't think you'll make much money by posting on this forum, ppl don't usually participate in such appeals, they are either not financially able to give now, or they don't do online transactions..

Like this you don't hurt a/one.
I'm sure that ppl were hurt by what you said, even if you didn't have a/one in particular in mind.

Mindy, is a very nice, chassidish, wonderful Baalas Chesed and all she did was asked a favor, and she did it in a very sensitive way, and she mentioned clearly, that she doesen't expect much, or a/thing, but she is just trying her luck and hopes that ppl will give..

Next time, please try to rethink the way you post before you post it..
I honestly did not expect such an answer from a nice gal like you..

Posting annomyously, bec. I never write things like this, but it really really bothered me.

Mindy, I hope you make a lot of money for this important cause.

Mommy912

Wed, May 17 2006, 2:00 pm

OK, if I offended anyone, I apologize. I did not mean to pressure anybody to give. I was just stating what I have seen to be true: that on this site any requests for donations are met with either apathy or opposition by many posters.
I don't know - or care - what goes on in anybody elses financial life. Do what you like with your money, give to whomever you like. Every one has to make their own cheshbon as to where they spend their money.
If you don't like what I wrote or how I said it, OK. But ask yourself, is it true?