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One of my children was diagnosed with cancer
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amother


 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2009, 12:09 am
Recently, one of my children was diagnosed with cancer. B"H, it is a very treatable kind and the prognosis is good. My family, friends, and community are amazing with their love and support! Still though, sometimes, it is really hard for me, my husband and other kids. I realize that this isn't about me. It is about my child. Yet by the end of the day, I am so drained. Drained by my sick child, drained by the extra attention that each of my other children need. I don't want to complain to anybody because I sound incredibly selfish. I don't mean to be. I'm just so tired.

Does anyone know of any online frum support groups for parents? It would be easier to vent and blow off steam on my computer, in the privacy of my home. I need to cry once in a while. It is a huge release of tension. I can't do that in front of people.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2009, 12:15 am
First of all, a refuah shleimah for your child.
Second, B"H I have no experience with this and don't know of any organizations. But I cannot imagine anyone in a million years that anyone should tell you (or even think it for one second) that you are being selfish. Vent away here if you want to. I am sure that there are Amothers here who have been where you are, and even for those of us who B"H have not, we are here to listen and to support in any way we can.
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boruchhashem




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2009, 12:17 am
Are you in touch with Chai Lifeline or the other organizations who deal with support? If not, please get in touch with them asap. If there is anything I can do, please feel free to pm me. Refuah Shelaima. My brother who had cancer as a two year old, is bh father to three beautiful children kah. Be strong.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2009, 12:21 am
OP here. Chailife has been amazing!! Sometimes though, it is easier to vent on the computer than in front of people.
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Mama Bear




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2009, 12:28 am
I dont know of any online forums but I just want to extend hugs to you.
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Hodu Lashem




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2009, 12:29 am
Have you heard of frumsupport.com?
This is their opening statement.
Quote:
Frum support is a website where Jewish people who are suffering from any illness or medical condition and their families, can draw support from others in like situations in a frum environment. All information posted to the forum is anonymous. There is no cost to view or to join.

Hope this is helpful to you and refuah shelaimah to your dear child.
Chazak v'amatz
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rainbow




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2009, 12:32 am
It is not selfish at all to complain, to vent, etc. It is critical that you surround yourself with people who can understand your need to vent, etc. The others are just a drain on your psyche.

It is so mentally/emotionally exhausting to have a child diagnosed, EVEN when the prognosis is good. So please don't feel bad kveching and complaining. Good prognosis doesn't take away your pain, your turmoil, and the emotional and physical roller-coaster you may find yourself on.

Please get in touch with your local Bikur Cholim chapter and ask for a referral to your local cancer-related organization.

CancerCare is a country-wide organization that provides free counseling and they really get it! You can kvetch all you want there and they do not judge you at all!

A very famous/prominent rabbi (who's name I won't mention publicly, for the sake of his family's privacy) also went to a therapist when cancer struck his little island. So for the sake of your sanity and your family's sanity, kvetch, complain, rage, grieve, and whatever else works for you.

B'suros tovos!

I'm editing to add that most hospitals offer support groups. Please don't feel bad utilizing any support system. You need to grieve even when the prognosis is good. This is what makes people feel so guilty about grieving: when the prognosis is good. Please don't make the same mistake.


Last edited by rainbow on Thu, Dec 31 2009, 12:35 am; edited 1 time in total
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mimivan




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2009, 12:33 am
your child should have a refuah shleima
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Mama Bear




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2009, 12:33 am
I checked out frumsuupport for the OP and it's very quiet there - the last post in the cancer forums is from last march!
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Newly Wed




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2009, 12:37 am
Hugs to you and a refuah sheleima bkarov to your child.
Often the fiancial burden of medical insurance can be lightened by a wonderful organization called RCCS (assuming you are in the US). You can find out more at rofehcholim.org. They also can refer you to support groups.

With wishes for besuros tovos...
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Hodu Lashem




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2009, 12:45 am
Mama Bear wrote:
I checked out frumsuupport for the OP and it's very quiet there - the last post in the cancer forums is from last march!

Whoa! That is quiet. Sorry about that. Confused

Maybe Imamother would be a better choice for frum support online.

So vent and kvetch away amother Smile
That is one thing about this site. The support is amazing!

We are here for you.
We will cry with you. Crying
We will rage with you, too. Exploding anger
We will definitely empathize!

Hug HUGS!! Hug
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Skippy!!




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2009, 1:06 am
Refuah Shelaima!
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hila




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2009, 1:14 am
Feel free to kvetch here as much as you want.

One of my kids was in hospital for 2 weeks once and home for another 6, not allowed to walk or move by herself. I have never felt so tired in my life.

BeH your child will have a refua shlema .. maybe post the name so we can daven ? (or pm it to me if you want)

Keep strong.. and ASK for help from others whether it is cleaning or babysitting or meals.
If you are in EY - I would like to help.
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life'sgreat




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2009, 1:14 am
I'm so sorry to read this. May your child have a speedy and fully recovery! Why on earth would you think you're being selfish? Where does selfishness come in? You're a mother, struggling with a sick child and it's rough I'm sure. I hope you can find the support you need.
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Marion




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2009, 2:46 am
There's a Yahoo group called specialfrummoms...mothers of children with special needs. I would think that a child dealing with cancer is definitely special, and the child's siblings will also have their special needs at this time...

You can browse without being a member, I think, so maybe take a look and see if you think you might fit in?

Refuah shleima!
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rainbow




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2009, 2:54 am
There are some books on amazon geared to siblings of diagnosed children. My kids found it very helpful.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2009, 3:01 am
I wanted to reach out to you and tell you that I'm thinking of you. I was in your exact shoes 3 1/2 years ago, as one of my children had cancer. B'H she is doing well, my other kids are doing well too. I remember feeling stretched beyond what I thought I was capable of and certainly beyond what I felt the rest of my kids were capable of. If you want to be in touch email me at imaphd1@gmail.com. Wishing your child a refuah shleima and wishing you a lot of koach!
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sped




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2009, 4:18 am
Don't feel guilty! A good friend's (teenage) son went overseas for treatment and the decision was that for the sake of the other kids, his parents would stay home and he is with grandparents.
My friend told me that the first thing she did was cry and sleep for three days straight. I so think she did the right thing - for her and for her family.
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Marz613




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2009, 4:36 am
I cant imagine what you are going through and I can only imagine how tough this must be on you and your family. I am sure everything that you are going through is physically and emotionally exhausting. refuah shlaima to your child, and may Hashem give you the stregth you need to reach that point b'karov!
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grace413




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2009, 5:15 am
Refuah Shlaimah to your child. Dealing with a seriously ill child is one of the most difficult experiences in life. Of course you are physically and emotionally exhausted.

May your faith in Hashem help you through this.
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