One of my children was diagnosed with cancer

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Forum -> Children's Health

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COOLME56

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 7:49 pm

frumsupport.com is a wonderful website.

Check it out.

greenfire

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 8:19 pm

mothers tend to spread themselves thin ... let alone when someone in the family is ill ... don't forget to make some self time to re-energize yourself - even if it's venting & crying here ...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Hug

}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

agh

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 8:32 pm

Refuah Shelama!!
It is so important that you take care of yourself. If you don't take care of yourself who chas vshalom will be to tiried and drained to take care of the others.

pacifier

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 8:43 pm

Hodu Lashem wrote:

Mama Bear wrote:

I checked out frumsuupport for the OP and it's very quiet there - the last post in the cancer forums is from last march!

Whoa! That is quiet. Sorry about that. Confused

Maybe Imamother would be a better choice for frum support online.

So vent and kvetch away amother Smile

That is one thing about this site. The support is amazing!

We are here for you.
We will cry with you. Crying

We will rage with you, too. Exploding anger

We will definitely empathize!

Hug

HUGS!!

well aid, hodu lashem.

op, you know that here you can cry and vent and YELL, and get support from us, your amother friends.
make sure to keep some time for yourself, a little island where you can put yourself back together.
Like do/redo your make up or nail polish/ or brush your wig strand by strand, every day for 5 full minutes, at 2pm.
This way you'll feel like you're starting the day again, with new strength.

Refua shelema for your child and all the best for your family.

reed

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 9:10 pm

"make sure to keep some time for yourself, a little island where you can put yourself back together.
Like do/redo your make up or nail polish/ or brush your wig strand by strand, every day for 5 full minutes, at 2pm."

That's the best suggestion I've heard in a long time!

pina colada

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 9:19 pm

Do you live in Brooklyn?

Zichron Shloime is an amazing organization which helps families dealing with the illness. It is run by Raizy Ziegler whose son had cancer. She is an amazing woman. They provide assistance with helping run the house, cooking meals, homework.

If you are in Bklyn and need their phone number, pm me for their info.

Chai Lifeline provides supports as well.

May your child have a Refuah Shleimah b'karov.

amother

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 9:31 pm

I can't imagine how difficult it must be to have a child going through cancer treatments. But I know the juggling act you must be going through. Get all the support you can. Vent as you need, so you can be there for all your children.

I'm currently in the middle of chemo, while trying to take care of myself, my children, and stay strong for my husband and parents at the same time. It's very tough to split yourself into so many different emotional parts, while staying sane at the same time. Everyone is vying for your undivided attention, and you're just struggling not to fall apart. I often struggle not to allow myself to break down and cry or yell, only to wish I had allowed myself that "luxury". The few times that I did, I felt much better afterwards.

Allow others to help whenever possible. If family or friends offer dinners, accept without any hesitation. There are many organizations that can help you and your family deal with this difficult time. I have met some of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life in just the last few weeks. If you're in the NY metro area, contact Mekimi, Zichron Shlomo, Chai Lifeline, or any of the other organizations geared towards helping families in your situation. I have personally witnessed patients make dramatic improvements when a volunteer or other visitor entered the room and started to sing or cheer them up.

And for all of you out there wondering what you can do to help someone in such a situation: Never underestimate the power of a chesed. Whether a patient is having a good day or not, a few kind words, or an offer of help, can go a really long way toward lifting their spirits, thereby improving their medical condition. I never realized how true this is until I saw the dramatic improvements experienced by several patients.

OP: Refuah Shelaima to your child. May HKBH give you the strength to overcome this. Before you know it, you'll be looking back at it in hindsight. And you'll see how much you've grown from it. All the best.
R.E.

CHANY115

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 9:52 pm

bein ish ivein uchav just made a shabbatton with singers and more for all familes that went through it or going through it in the sheratton for free and had support call them frummy horrowitz directer

Tefila

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 10:07 pm

B'h
Op kvetch , cry or scream go ahead we are here for you, . And a big refuah Shlaimah from us here !

whoami

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 10:08 pm

I just wanted to extend all my HUGS to you. I wont remain anonymous, so that you can PM me if you need.
I (hopefully, be'ezras Hashem) just went into remission myself. I have been fighting for two long years and have gone thru alot.
Baruch Hashem I was able to maintain a positive outlook and my 4 children have all emerged unscathed.
It is EXTREMELY important to be open with kids of ALL ages, obviously each one on their level. It creates a biond of trust, where the kids know they can trust you and they are much calmer because they feel like they know everything.
I had to be in the hospital for a month, my kids were not allowed to visit, I couldn't even speak to them on the phone.
They had to start school without their mommy.
And EVERY SINGLE morah told me that if they had to pick a kid in the class who had a sick mother, they would never pick mine in a million years!
Baruch Hashem, that is the best thing I could have heard.
If you need anything, even just support, PLEASE pm me!
It is a very strong nisayon, but believe me, you emerge a different person.

SavtaHelen

Fri, Jan 01 2010, 6:37 am

I hope I speak for all of us when I say "WE are your support group"!

Post op as much information as you can. You never know what this wonderful network of women will lead you to, from davening for you child to contacts with medical specialists to who knows what else.

We are here for you, sending you love and support and embracing you from all over the world.

Shabbat Shalom.

Isramom8

Fri, Jan 01 2010, 7:44 am

Definitely check out Yahoo's specialfrummoms.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/.....moms/

amother

Fri, Jan 01 2010, 9:01 am

OP here. I have tears in my eyes from reading all of these responses. (The good kind of tears.)
Thank you for your kind thoughts and for the validation of feelings.
For those who told me about support on the East Coast (NY, NJ area), I am from "out of town". I must say though, that my friends, extended family, neighbors, and community have been remarkable. People have been cooking dinners for us, making lunches for our children in school who need them, doing carpools when applicable, sending cleaning help a few times a week, and I'm sure more things than I realize. I just feel like a nebach needing so much help. Before my child got sick, B"H, we were a very strong family unit - eating dinner together every night, Tatti learning with each of the boys, Mommy going over p'sukim with the girls, studying for Novi and Chumash tests with them, Tatti doing minyan carpool for older boys, Mommy cooking and baking everything homemade - no store bought cakes, cookies, or pastries for Shabbos and helping to cook for others too, chairing committees, etc. Now, keeping our family unit takes a lot more emotional energy, so we made the decision to accept help with food and cleaning in order to be able to spend more time with each of the kids. Instead of cleaning up from cooking dinner, I play one on one memory games with my four year old. Instead of cooking, I'm cuddling my sick child who just feels "icky". Instead of running quick errands by myself, I bring my 9 year old with, so that we can have "alone time". You get the idea. Even our teenagers need more time with us. My husband and I are in close contact with our Rov so that we get our emotional support too. I'm afraid though that people are going to start wondering why we are still taking so much help. I mean, the treatment is for 30 monthes. I don't intend to need help like this for 30 monthes, C"V, but right now, I feel shell shocked. (It's been about 3 monthes.) I like being a GIVER, not a TAKER. (I must admit, I have learned really nice ways to give. I am looking forward to being able to give:)
Anyways, I need to finish getting my children ready for school.
Thank you all so much for allowing me to express myself! If I don't get a chance later, have a Gutten Shabbos!!

amother

Fri, Jan 01 2010, 9:37 am

You sound like you are handling the situation better than anyone can expect under the circumstances. There is so much to learn from you and the way you made your children your top priority. It's particularly tough in the beginning, and three months is not long at all. Hopefully, you'll settle into a new (temporary) routine as things fall into place for the next 2+ years of the 30 month regimen. You are smart for accepting help, as much as we prefer to GIVE rather than TAKE. People WANT to give, and by allowing them to help you out, they feel helpful. It's harder to watch a friend struggle when they won't accept help. Then your friends feel useless. Things will fall into place, and you won't feel like such a nebach case.

My children are probably younger than yours, but still need personal time and attention from a parent. It has been tough spending time in the hospital alone, but I needed my husband, parents, and other family members to focus more on my children, than just on me. B"H my children are very close to their grandparents and aunts and uncles, so they didn't feel terribly displaced spending an extra week there while I was in the hospital. But it was very for my husband to be in different places to keep their schedule as normal as possible.

Shabbat Shalom!
R.E.

rainbow

Fri, Jan 01 2010, 10:13 am

CancerCare can provide support over the phone both in group teleconferences or one-on-one sessions.
They provide amazing sibling support as well. They're country-wide, though not sure about your particular state/town. Google them for a list of teleconferences and times.

mama-star

Fri, Jan 01 2010, 11:10 am

refua shleima to your child, OP. and I hope you get all the support you need.

Hug

amother

Sat, Jan 23 2010, 8:21 pm

amother wrote:

First of all, we are checking up on you and your child. I hope that you're okay and I wish your child a refuah shelaimah. I am very connected with the Jewish music world and I very regularly arrange for frum singers etc to go to the hospital rooms or even homes of patients of any age. I know that you live out of town, but the nature of their jobs has them traveling plenty of the time and if someone is in your area then I am sure they would love to visit and perhaps do something really special for your child and the rest of your family as well. If you think that you may be interested in this then let me know and I'll figure out a way to contact you...or perhaps I'll give you my email address, etc. I've been doing this for many years and it really has a tremendous effect most of the time... I'm not promising that I can make it happen because I don't know where you live, but I'd like to try if you're interested....

greenfire

Sat, Jan 23 2010, 10:12 pm

amother wrote:

I like being a GIVER, not a TAKER.

there are no givers if there are no takers Idea

you sound like you are balancing things right - just remember to take "me" time so you have energy

continued refuah !!!

flowerpower

Sun, Jan 24 2010, 12:03 am

The priority right now is taking care of your family's well being and yours as well. If accepting help, which I am sure is done very willingly then accept it. Do not feel bad about it. Hope your son has a refuah shlaima!

amother

Sun, Jan 24 2010, 9:24 am

To the amother with connections in the Jewish music world - Kol Hakavod for making these connections! Unfortunately, I've witnessed these arrangements firsthand. Singers come into a patient who is having a hard day. Before you know it you see his lighting up, then sitting up, then actually singing and clapping along... Another patient nearby also made remarkable progess! Keep up the amazing work!!!

R.E.

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