Since when are doctors allowed to be rude? (vent)

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the world's best mom

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 6:51 pm

We were just at the orthopedist for a checkup for dd's clubfeet that have relapsed. Every time we come now, he says more rude things like, "This is the mother's fault." and "But you're a bad mommy and you don't like to put on her braces or do her excercises, so her feet aren't going to get better."

I pointed out that he had just shown me how to do the excercises 2 minutes ago, how could I have done them? He said, "I must have shown them to you before." Even the resident who heard him this time pointed out the big marks dd has from the braces and insisted the marks wouldn't be there if she didn't wear the braces, but he explained that the marks don't mean anything- I'm still a bad mommy because the clubfeet are back. It must be my fault.

I wish I could switch doctors, but he is the only good one who takes insurance. I have to either use him or pay big bucks for someone else. They charge between $300 and 500 for a check-up. Casts are $400 each (times 2 feet, makes it $800) and x-rays are not included in that price.

How do I tell this doctor to change his attitude?

HAPPYMOMMY

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 7:11 pm

Wow, that's way more than rude. It's appalling.

I know you mentioned that he's the only one that takes insurance so you can't switch. Have you explored all options? Maybe there's another doctor that accepts your insurance that is in reasonable travel distance.

(((Hugs))) It must be so hard to hear a doctor blaming you in front of your dd when you're trying your best.

I don't want to hijack your thread, but maybe we can start a thread of rude doctor's comments. I will definitely be able to add to that.

And Refuah Shelaima to your daughter.

chocolate moose

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 7:23 pm

I have a rude dr for my kids. he's very smart and he grduated top of his class; so what if he isn't nice to me - I'm not going to marry him.

HAPPYMOMMY

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 7:26 pm

Choc Moose, it's great that you can work with him. I wouldn't be able to.

BTW, there was recently a really informative (and well written) article in the Binah on treatment for clubfeet. IIRC, an amother on this board posted that she wrote it.

chocolate moose

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 7:27 pm

it's our pediatrician. we saw him with great reguarlity, too.

Mama Bear

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 7:39 pm

Omg - there was an article in binah a few weeks ago about an amazing dr who works amazingly with clubfeet, he does eppes a process that noone else does... I wish I would have saved the article, it was amazing...

boruchhashem

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 7:43 pm

I wouldn't and didn't stand for it. My dd neurologist made me cry once, when I left his office. That was the last time we saw him. He even had the gall, when I asked him to send me all the records to ask why, and my answer was, I don't appreciate the way I have been handled. He asked, by whom? I answered, the doctor, and all he had to say was, oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tzipp

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 8:51 pm

It sounds like more importantly, the problems with your child's feet are not being treated effectively if the doctor is blaming you. shock

You need a doctor who can focus on finding solutions to the actual problem. That is plenty of reason to go to a new doctor.

Good luck!

the world's best mom

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 8:56 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

I read the article. The author told me about it, so I bought the Binah mag. just for that. The doctor she mentioned is Dr. Ponsetti, who passed away recently. I researched him before dd was born, when an ultrasound showed that she had clubfeet. We use a doctor who practices the Ponsetti method. I called the doctor who took over for Dr. Ponsetti recently, and they gave me the names of the other doctors around here who know his method. They also welcomed me to come to Iowa for treatment. Well, we checked out the other doctors, and none of them take insurance. They know they're good, and people will come to them anyway, so they don't bother to take insurance.

Chocolate Moose, you say your kids' pediatrician has been rude. Did he tell you you are doing things all wrong? And if so, was it ever after you spent 2 months without sleep because you were struggling to do as the doctor ordered you to last time?
I can't remember the last time I wasn't woken up at night by dd's cries that her braces hurt, and we should take them off. For a month we just tried to comfort her without taking them off. She screamed all night, every night. Then we discovered that it helps to loosen the straps a bit, so she goes back to sleep and we tighten the straps again. Then we get another hour or 2 to sleep before we do it again. I go to the doctor, expecting to hear "Keep up the good work, stick it out a little longer and her feet will be corrected..." Instead, I am told, "You are a failure. It's all your fault. You are a bad mommy."
For goodness sakes, how in Heaven's name am I supposed to keep living like this when the doctor's just going to criticise me anyway? I think I deserve at least a "Maybe you can try harder not to loosen the straps." But, no, all I hear is "You're bad." I'm sorry, nut that doesn't help my situation. I need a doctor who is going to be working together with me so we can resolve this issue, not someone who is out to prove me wrong.

the world's best mom

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 9:00 pm

tzipp wrote:

It sounds like more importantly, the problems with your child's feet are not being treated effectively if the doctor is blaming you. shock

You need a doctor who can focus on finding solutions to the actual problem. That is plenty of reason to go to a new doctor.

Good luck!

Actually, her feet were treated correctly at first. Now they've relapsed. As long as they were corrected, the doctor kept tellin gme what a great mother I was. Now he changed his tune, because he needs to blame someone for the relapse.
The truth is, it wasn't his fault or mine. She was wearing her bar every night until it broke. They ordered a new part for it, and it got lost in the mail. By the time they reordered and got the new part, it was 6 weeks later and her feet were already in bad shape.

amother

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 9:38 pm

next time he says its no good.. say "bad, bad doctor"... see what he says to that..

Chani

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 10:17 pm

Okay, this is just me, but I believe I'd be looking for another doctor, even if it was a shlep. I do not have patience for this kind of thing.

amother

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 10:24 pm

Quote:

I wish I could switch doctors, but he is the only good one who takes insurance.

Any doctor that feels the need to blame the mother to deflect from his failure cannot be a good doctor.
A good doctor would admit something didn't work and now we need to figure out why and what to do about it, without telling mommy she is bad.

Quote:

next time he says its no good.. say "bad, bad doctor"... see what he says to that..

honestly if it were me, you would hear me snapping right back
"I AM a good mother thankyou, I did what I was meant to do but obviously what YOU told me to do didn't work, perhaps I should be looking elsewhere?"

cookielady

Thu, Dec 31 2009, 10:44 pm

Is this doctor part of a group?
I once had a doctor ask me if I felt guilty and tried to figure out what I did to cause something that happened to my child. ( mind you it was not something I did, and no doctor ever suggested that before).

I called my child's regular dr. and told him what had happened.

The doctor was reprimanded, had to apologize to me. I heard a few weeks later he was fired from this group. It seems he had been offensive to too many parents.

pinkbubbles

Fri, Jan 01 2010, 12:01 am

Isn't there a way to report him?

the world's best mom

Fri, Jan 01 2010, 5:49 am

This doctor is not part of a group, but we see him in a clinic and I plan to report him to the head of the clinic. We managed to get an appointment with the head of the clinic the last week of January, but he only agreed to see us because I'm close with his sil. He officially sees only patients with severe deformities.
While it is not the doctor's fault that the clubfeet came back, we feel he should be putting on casts again to correct them. He refuses. That's another reason we got ourselves in with the head of the clinic.

momoffive

Fri, Jan 01 2010, 9:26 am

Boy, does this ring a bell! I had my child's orthopedist WIPE the floor with me so I went to someone else. He gave me a completely different diagnosis (an alternate form of clubfeet with totally different treatment protocol)- end of the story - I paid hundreds of dollars for a third opinion out of network - and Dr. 1 was wrong and never had the grace to apologize.

OP - have you heard of Shriner's? This is a free network of hospitals - there are good ones somewhat regioonally, we now go to Philadelphia. Pm me for more info and Hatzlocho!

Tehilla

Fri, Jan 01 2010, 9:36 am

Absolutely report him. I am so sorry you had to hear that. I daven for your daughter to have a lasting refuah for her feet, and also that you should find the right shliach who is kind too. Sorry, OP, that you had to hear such garbage, toss it right on out.

chocolate moose

Fri, Jan 01 2010, 9:39 am

the world's best mom wrote:

Chocolate Moose, you say your kids' pediatrician has been rude. Did he tell you you are doing things all wrong? And if so, was it ever after you spent 2 months without sleep because you were struggling to do as the doctor ordered you to last time?

It really wasn't great !

Fox

Fri, Jan 01 2010, 9:54 am

momoffive wrote:

OP - have you heard of Shriner's? This is a free network of hospitals - there are good ones somewhat regioonally, we now go to Philadelphia. Pm me for more info and Hatzlocho!

I strongly recommend this alternative. Although there's a fair amount of paperwork to get accepted, all treatment is free. We were able to get access to one surgeon in particular who would have been very difficult to see through our insurance provider.

I'd also recommend, if possible, filing a request with your insurance provider to go out-of-network. The fact that your daughter's feet have relapsed means effective treatment is not being implemented, and that will cost the insurance company more in the long run. If you go high enough within the organization, they may be willing to authorize paying for another doctor.

Your daughter should definitely not be in so much pain, and the doctor's lack of concern about this is very troubling, too.

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