Do you break the mold?

jelibean

Fri, Jan 15 2010, 4:23 pm

The thread on chasing away MOs got me thinking -- do you break the mold when it comes to women in your community? Meaning, do you do things that others in your 'group' don't?

As for me, we're BTs and DH is Chabad. I consider myself a 'friend of Chabad', as I consult Chabad rabbanim but don't eat strictly Chabad hechsherim for meat (it's gotta be glatt though) and I don't wear a sheitel. Just a few examples.

I'm assuming many Chassidishe women typically don't have internet in their homes -- perhaps with Litvish it's the same?

And finally, for those differences, do you keep them secret? If not, how are they looked upon in your community?

WriterMom

Fri, Jan 15 2010, 4:55 pm

We spend time with two sub-communities, in a fairly small city, Jewish-wise. One is MO, where we're not the norm because I cover (and there are by my count four other women who cover all the time, and about a dozen more who do in shul) and almost everyone is semi-shomer-mitzvot (ie quite open about the fact that they're going to watch a child's basketball tournament after shul on Saturday.) The other is Chabad, and we're not Chabad in a number of ways, but it's a great community and they do wonderful shiurim for us and kids' programming.

I am quite open about where we're at, and when it's applicable the direction in which I hope we're moving. Some people at the one shul think I'm a bit weird for the skirts and hats but nobody really cares. And at Chabad obviously it's very friendly toward people who are not observant at all and everything in between.

Last edited by WriterMom on Sun, Jan 17 2010, 6:45 pm; edited 1 time in total

Ruchel

Sat, Jan 16 2010, 1:14 pm

In my city you have everything. Not frum, traditional, Mo from the litest to the strictest, plain frum, Litvish from modern to the shtarkest, Chabad for the most modern to the shtarkest, and some other chassidish groups. It's easy to do your own thing.

shanie5

Sun, Jan 17 2010, 5:44 pm

I refuse any mold. I dress as I am comfortable-denim skirts-long. I used to only wear sneakers. I wear a cap similar to my avatar-even on shabbos if I dont feel like wearing my shaitel. I do not follow anybody-so yeah, there is no mold for me.

smilingmom

Sun, Jan 17 2010, 5:52 pm

I definitely do not fit the mold, as long as I feel comfortable about how I run my life, I do what I want. DH is also the same.
Some of our kids tend to a bit more molded than us, but that due to years of Yeshiva brainwashing.

We definitely are open, especially regarding dress-codes, but in other areas we believe in "Don't ask, Don't tell"

Atali

Sun, Jan 17 2010, 6:19 pm

I removed irrelevant posts from this thread.

If you have an issue with the topic of the thread, please report it and let the mods decide.

mimivan

Sun, Jan 17 2010, 6:41 pm

This is really complicated..but I've always been a mold breaker before I became frum...I was born in a hick town, then was on the academic track, then moved to NY and was a bohemian playwright, then became frum and moved to E.Y..and I guess I'm still breaking the mold.

I married an Israeli guy who is half Sephardi. I am amazed at how unusual this is for the typical American in Yirushalaim (often Anglos marry Anglos). We are Chabad, but more "Israeli style" (difficult to put into words, but generally, more lively and intense, especially in learning chassidus, whereas the American Style is more "intellectual") and I send my kids to a very Israeli Chabad school (I don't think there is a single Anglo family..and half my son's cheder is comprised of French Immigrants)...

I didn't quite fit in with the Israeli Chabadniks in my kehilla, mainly because I am ten years older than they are and I sense some mistrust because I have a college degree and a job (many of these young women became frum right out of the army, and may feel judgmental about the fact I went to college and grad school before they find out that I didn't become frum until I was 28 years old..so I already had my degrees!) Many of them get "help" from their parents or are really struggling. So there is tension (not that we are rolling in dough). But the shlucha is a working woman whose father was from South Africa, and also my age, so I relate to her rather well..and also with some other "older" women in the area (I connect well with other olim, particularly from France, even though I don't speak a word of French.)

I also have a foot in the Anglo Chabad Yirushalaim community, but my hashkofa is a bit different. I prefer to go to shiurim in Ivrit when I can not only to practice, but I like the Israeli style. And yet, I like to listen to the American Rabbis too...The young American Chabad women are often on their own sort of private shlichus in their communities and are busy with their families, so I don't see them except at Nshei Chabad gatherings.

so there you go..I"m still a bundle of contradictions...

jelibean

Mon, Jan 18 2010, 5:09 pm

mimivan wrote:

So interesting. I too am married to an Israeli who's half Sephardi. (When we started becoming frum, we kept Pesach like Sephardim, but now we're keeping it more like Chabad, so it's been quite a shift!)

I've never been in a community that isn't very diverse frum-wise, so I've never felt that judgment about being college-educated. When I lived in Israel, I'd go to shiurim in Bnei Brak and then I'd feel very different! I've never been a black/white person (no pun intended) so perhaps that's why I find it hard to pigeonhole myself with one group. Granted, there are certain things that need firm direction, like which rav do you consult for shailahs, which minhag do you follow re: Taharat Hamishpacha - that sort of thing. In which case, I'd answer "Chabad" because that's what DH follows now. One thing I've come to learn is there's quite a lot of diversity within Chabad, whether it be in the US or in Israel. I've always liked diversity, so I guess I just need to find my place within my everchanging reality.

jelibean

Mon, Jan 18 2010, 5:10 pm

Atali wrote:

I removed irrelevant posts from this thread.

If you have an issue with the topic of the thread, please report it and let the mods decide.

Thank you.

jelibean

Mon, Jan 18 2010, 5:11 pm

shanie5 wrote:

Are you a BT? What type of rav do you consult on shailahs? Just asking b/c I'm curious as to how you'd describe yourself in a frum context.

amother

Mon, Jan 18 2010, 7:35 pm

I'm doing the dance between two worlds. One world is where I come from, which is boxed in, same same. If you wear something that's different, than you're weird, or modern. The other world is me, who likes funky clothing, with color and my own taste. So I dance the fine line. Crying

PinkFridge

Mon, Jan 18 2010, 9:02 pm

I'm very lucky living out of town, being able to get away with oversized caps, sort of funky clothes, broad frame of reference, etc. But apparently more than a few people think I'm a BT (not that there's anything wrong with that, just funny, I mean funny ha ha).

shanie5

Mon, Jan 18 2010, 10:48 pm

jelibean wrote:

shanie5 wrote:

Are you a BT? What type of rav do you consult on shailahs? Just asking b/c I'm curious as to how you'd describe yourself in a frum context.

I am a daughter of a BT. I was raised to accept everyone-not judge them. All my shailos are asked of the rov of my community-frum, black hat, very knowledgeable.

I am also a mikvah lady-accepted by everybody-no matter how I dress.

I am frum, but I dont label myself as yeshivish or anything else. In elemetary school I was jewish like everyone else. When I got to high school I learned that there were labels (chassidish, litvish etc.) I asked my father what we were. His response was "jewish". And thats what I live by.

life'sgreat

Mon, Jan 18 2010, 11:09 pm

shanie5 wrote:

jelibean wrote:

shanie5 wrote:

Are you a BT? What type of rav do you consult on shailahs? Just asking b/c I'm curious as to how you'd describe yourself in a frum context.

Chloe

Mon, Jan 18 2010, 11:57 pm

Quote:

When I got to high school I learned that there were labels (chassidish, litvish etc.) I asked my father what we were. His response was "jewish". And thats what I live by.

I love this line!!

freidasima

Tue, Jan 19 2010, 12:31 am

I second it!

entropy

Tue, Jan 19 2010, 2:28 am

I adhere to the mold, but nobody else does.

freidasima

Tue, Jan 19 2010, 2:40 am

I don't think that for MO/DL here in EY there is one external mold. There are different kinds of dress in some cases for various typeso f yishuvim, while people on other DL yishuvim dress no differently than city people. And there are city people who dress tip top while others are shlumps. All kinds of hair covering goes, and no hair covering goes as well. So....I guess I'm just like any

FraydaSue

Tue, Jan 19 2010, 2:55 am

In EY (at least in the hareidi world), anything one does that's even slightly different, is considered breaking the mold.

To have internet - broken
To wear denim - broken
To wear sneakers - broken
DH works - broken
Own a car (where we live) - broken
DS has a white stripe on his shoe (nike symbol) - broken

It's ridiculous and no wonder that so many people are being turned off by it. All girls are expected to be a BY cookie cutter image - you know the one - long hair tied back in a neat pony tail; skirt tucked in to a loose skirt, well below the knee, but not "chaz v'shalom" touching the floor; 40 denier stockings; sensible shoes.

No - I don't fit the mold!

fiddle

Tue, Jan 19 2010, 2:58 am

im my own entity. so no need to break from it.

as long as I am true to myself, and am accomplishing what I can , I know whats right and I follow that direction.

and regarding my community, as large and mixed as it is, il go by my apartment building I definitely break their mold.