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Do you break the mold?
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drumjj




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2010, 3:05 am
I totally break the mold. I dont care what other ppl think of me
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2010, 3:18 am
Well, I was the kid who would invite friends over and suggest we read books... 'nuff said.
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cinnamon




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2010, 5:32 am
sequoia wrote:
Well, I was the kid who would invite friends over and suggest we read books... 'nuff said.


I wish I knew you growing up!
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sunny90




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2010, 6:29 am
cinnamon wrote:
sequoia wrote:
Well, I was the kid who would invite friends over and suggest we read books... 'nuff said.


I wish I knew you growing up!


Me too! I was like that!
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2010, 7:13 am
sunny90 wrote:
cinnamon wrote:
sequoia wrote:
Well, I was the kid who would invite friends over and suggest we read books... 'nuff said.


I wish I knew you growing up!


Me too! I was like that!


that was me too.
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supermama2




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2010, 8:22 am
If for some wearing tennis shoes is breaking the mold...what kind of shoe would she wear to go walking or do house cleaning in??? Scratching Head
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jelibean




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2010, 8:24 am
Reality wrote:
I break the mold usually. When I dress up I look like everyone else in my community. But everyday when I am home with my kids than I dress in denim & sneakers & that is a big no no in my community but I don't care. I also keep my kids home until kindergarten & I am sick & tired of discussing my choices. In my neighborhood many sahm put their kids in playgroup starting 18 months & for sure by age 2. I am also a mini health nut & people in my neck of the woods stuff their kids with TONS of junk!!

Those are just small mundane examples of how I break the mold. There are many others but they all kind of add up to a jigsaw puzzle of who I am. I love being a sahm mother but on the other hand I want to talk about other things than diapers & clothes when I am talking to other moms. That is when I feel like I stick out the most. I want to talk about politics, books & ideas not only babies. Sometimes it drives me crazy discussing the same 2 topics ad nauseam!! (might be a sp?)

Anyone else feel like that?


Most of my friends are BTs, so no, I don't feel that way. I wish we lived near each other (I'm verrrry OOT so I assume we don't), because I can only imagine your frustrations. Have you ever tried to broach a different subject with a mom you suspect is a bit 'out of the box' like you? Perhaps she feels the same way, and is just waiting for someone to make the first move.

A geyoret friend of mine, who has a master's degree in anthropology and teaches childbirth and breastfeeding classes at a local hospital, told me that when she decided to dedicate most of her time to being at home with the kids, she'd go to those 'work functions' with her DH on occasion. Whenever she was asked what she did, and she replied that she was a SAHM, she'd get these perfunctory nods and then the conversation ended -- abruptly. It was like they thought she was completely incapable of discussing anything of value...
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jelibean




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2010, 8:27 am
SarahO. wrote:
If for some wearing tennis shoes is breaking the mold...what kind of shoe would she wear to go walking or do house cleaning in??? Scratching Head


Good question. I wonder about the denim too. I can understand if the denim skirt is really shlumpy-looking, but there are really nice denim skirts too. Can someone explain this 'denim skirt as a no-no' phenomenon to me, please?
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2010, 10:27 am
SarahO. wrote:
If for some wearing tennis shoes is breaking the mold...what kind of shoe would she wear to ... do house cleaning in??? Scratching Head


You dont have to be tsnius in your house techically.

SarahO. wrote:
If for some wearing tennis shoes is breaking the mold...what kind of shoe would she wear to go walking


You could exercise in a gym or at home. No one would see your shoes.
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bailalinda




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2010, 10:45 am
First, this is a really interesting thread. Thanks for starting this!

Second, I still don't know how to define myself so I don't know what mold I would break! I grew up MO, I guess, but my mom is from a Yekke family and my dad's family has Chassidishe minhagim. A lot of my cousins on my dad's side learn in Lakewood so I would call them Yeshivish, but one of those cousins also has taken on wearing a bekeshe. I used to wear pants but don't anymore, still wear t-shirts when it's ridiculously hot in the summer (especially this past one when I was pregnant). I have an advanced degree, work in a professional atmosphere, wear hats and tichels but not sheitels except for fancy affairs. My husband is a BT/ger (looooong story) who used to be in the US military, now wears his tzitzit sticking out and goes to shiurim every day. He has almost no family minhagim so we either use mine or ask one of rabbis here what part of things is halacha and what is minhag. We watch tv, have the internet, follow sports and the news. I read a lot of books and I don't really care that they aren't "kosher" by a lot of circles. We live way OOT in a really great, diverse community with black hats, chassidish, Young Israel-types, Bucahrian, sepharadi, mizrachi, lots of BTs and gerim.....so there really isn't any pressure to conform to any one type LOL
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ChossidMom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2010, 11:22 am
I'm a bit of a mold breaker. People find it hard to believe I'm Chassidish...
I have internet at home and do not hide the fact. But I do not expose my kids to it.
I drive and generally do my own thing. But, I think that as I get older I'm getting a bit more "establishment". I don't dress in funky tee shirts anymore and in for example, haven't worn my sweatshirt with the writing on it this year (I'm 48 btw so maybe it's about time I started dressing like a grownup lol). I wear sneakers and sweat socks all the time and my skirts are longer than is accepted in the heavy duty Litvish community in which I live.
I talk to men and am generally a very friendly and outgoing person (NOT acceptable in my community).
On the other hand, I stopped wearing denim because my daughter who is 12 is not allowed to in her school so I don't think it's right for me to wear it.
I stopped wearing red (one of my favorite colors) years ago cause my husband doesn't like it.

Interestingly enough, in my Chassidus (Amshinov) they accept and love me the way I am!!! B"H our rebbe is not into chitzonius (outward trappings).

For anyone who is a mold breaker in Israel, be aware that as your children get older it becomes a bit tricky to keep breaking the mold. The schools lay down the law about alot of things and you really have to take a stand and decide where you are. It's just about impossible to stay Just Plain Frum in Israel. Society forces you to choose where you want to be (DL, Charedi etc.)
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2010, 11:30 am
where I live and the way I was brought up was that you have to look and act like everyone else in order to have a "good name". boy did I give my mother grief! LOL I loved long denim skirts, bright t-shirts, and even though I was perfectly tznua (nope, not the type to wear tight clothes) it caused many an argument. it all came from me wanting to be my own person and knowing that being frum didn't mean wearing a black pleated skirt. I still do my own thing, love politics and interesting conversations, etc. sometimes, I think it would be easier just accepting and following what everyone else does, dressing exactly the same and belonging somewhere, but I definately do not want to be the same as the community I live in because I see way too many double standards. I would love to move, somewhere more OOT or accepting, but dh has a fantastic job here. what am I going to do when my kids get older? I dont know, but I definately want them to grow up knowing that frum jews come in many different colors and backgrounds, and that it is ok! sorry, im rambling, but I just had this discussion with my dh a few days ago and this topic really hit home...
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2010, 12:25 pm
amother wrote:
where I live and the way I was brought up was that you have to look and act like everyone else in order to have a "good name". boy did I give my mother grief! LOL I loved long denim skirts, bright t-shirts, and even though I was perfectly tznua (nope, not the type to wear tight clothes) it caused many an argument. it all came from me wanting to be my own person and knowing that being frum didn't mean wearing a black pleated skirt. I still do my own thing, love politics and interesting conversations, etc. sometimes, I think it would be easier just accepting and following what everyone else does, dressing exactly the same and belonging somewhere, but I definately do not want to be the same as the community I live in because I see way too many double standards. I would love to move, somewhere more OOT or accepting, but dh has a fantastic job here. what am I going to do when my kids get older? I dont know, but I definately want them to grow up knowing that frum jews come in many different colors and backgrounds, and that it is ok! sorry, im rambling, but I just had this discussion with my dh a few days ago and this topic really hit home...


Personally, I am so glad I grew up and live OOT, grew up greatly under the influence of my American born grandfather (and other side, who came to the US before WWII so had the same outlook) where the major battle was Shabbos, if people were shomer Shabbos you were on the same page, and just had a lot of compassion for those who weren't omed b'nisayon. Life was so much simpler than, and B"H still is.

BUT, I visit in town (including Lakewood) and it's magnificent. True, I can't live there but I'm so glad people do. Enjoy the rich tapestry of your life, and you give over the hashkafos you want to and enlist others to help you; they'll see what you value. Life is good all over!
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jelibean




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2010, 4:07 pm
ChossidMom wrote:
I'm a bit of a mold breaker. People find it hard to believe I'm Chassidish...
I have internet at home and do not hide the fact. But I do not expose my kids to it.
I drive and generally do my own thing. But, I think that as I get older I'm getting a bit more "establishment". I don't dress in funky tee shirts anymore and in for example, haven't worn my sweatshirt with the writing on it this year (I'm 48 btw so maybe it's about time I started dressing like a grownup lol). I wear sneakers and sweat socks all the time and my skirts are longer than is accepted in the heavy duty Litvish community in which I live.
I talk to men and am generally a very friendly and outgoing person (NOT acceptable in my community).
On the other hand, I stopped wearing denim because my daughter who is 12 is not allowed to in her school so I don't think it's right for me to wear it.
I stopped wearing red (one of my favorite colors) years ago cause my husband doesn't like it.

Interestingly enough, in my Chassidus (Amshinov) they accept and love me the way I am!!! B"H our rebbe is not into chitzonius (outward trappings).

For anyone who is a mold breaker in Israel, be aware that as your children get older it becomes a bit tricky to keep breaking the mold. The schools lay down the law about alot of things and you really have to take a stand and decide where you are. It's just about impossible to stay Just Plain Frum in Israel. Society forces you to choose where you want to be (DL, Charedi, etc.)


So, so interesting. I now 'get it' why some frum men won't look a woman in the eye for more than a second while talking to her. Before I became frum, I thought it was ridiculous (like many things). Definitely a funny feeling when you're the woman, but I respect the men for their attempts at 'shmirat aynaim'. Their wives should be proud!

Your comments on Israel are also very interesting. It's either you're dati or chiloni, though of course there are so many shades of gray. I lived in a mixed city there (meaning has a high dati population), and it might be one of the only places in Israel where you're not so pigeon-holed into a group. But the bottom line is that when it comes to the kids' education, you've got to pick what type. Dati Leumi (like Noam), Mamlachti Dati, Litvish, Chassidish, Chabad...yadda yadda yadda...


Last edited by jelibean on Wed, Jan 20 2010, 4:38 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2010, 4:29 pm
I'm thinking of some schools where you can be "plain frum" or at least "somewhere in the middle/yeshivish", even in Yisrael. They often have a foreign majority though not always.
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Blue jay




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2010, 7:46 pm
Why do we care so much about molds!

Its what is in a persons heart that counts!

Be a kind and caring person that is most important!

I have the unfortunate privelage of living in a non frum community and dont have to worry about skirt lengths and such. Just non jews looking at me in the park and wondering "aren't I sweating in that long skirt on a 90 degree day!"

I break the mold and then some!
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Tehilla




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2010, 8:43 pm
sequoia wrote:
Well, I was the kid who would invite friends over and suggest we read books... 'nuff said.


When I was a kid, I was always reading way ahead in the classroom (teachers knew and didn't care). One of the most heart-breaking punishments was when my books would get taken away, and I'd usually have a book read by the time we drove home from the mall. Smile

As far as breaking molds, I've no clue. I'm just me and I love all yidden, even if I strongly disagree with them. I hope for the same amount of understanding. I don't know if I'm different or not.
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2010, 8:50 pm
Tehilla wrote:
sequoia wrote:
Well, I was the kid who would invite friends over and suggest we read books... 'nuff said.


When I was a kid, I was always reading way ahead in the classroom (teachers knew and didn't care). One of the most heart-breaking punishments was when my books would get taken away, and I'd usually have a book read by the time we drove home from the mall. Smile


Me too! When I was saucy my mother would take away all my books and give them back one a day if I was respectful. Cruel and unusual, I say LOL
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Tehilla




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2010, 8:55 pm
LOL, I remember how many times I read this book on presidents in the third grade. The librarian wanted to give it to me. I must have been the only one who ever read it. And I lost count of how many times I read "War & Peace." The best gift I received as a kid was two boxes of used books.

I don't read much these days, but I still love to when I get a chance. Different subject matter now though. Smile
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supermama2




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 21 2010, 8:29 am
chocolate moose wrote:
SarahO. wrote:
If for some wearing tennis shoes is breaking the mold...what kind of shoe would she wear to ... do house cleaning in??? Scratching Head


You dont have to be tsnius in your house techically.

SarahO. wrote:
If for some wearing tennis shoes is breaking the mold...what kind of shoe would she wear to go walking


You could exercise in a gym or at home. No one would see your shoes.


I don't mean power walking but what kind of practical comfortable shoes to say walk the neighborhood w/ a stroller...
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