is it ayin hara to buy baby gear b4 babys born?

amother

Tue, Feb 02 2010, 2:23 pm

I was looking into buying stuff, like strollers etc.. and someone told me, "just look dont buy yet" b/c of ayin hara. have u ever heard of this concept?

Hashem_Yaazor

Tue, Feb 02 2010, 2:27 pm

Yes, there are those who hold not to buy because of ayin hora.
On the flip side, not everyone has this minhag.
In Germany, the accepted thing to do was to have everything (nursery and all) prepared by the 7th month -- they're not big into ayin hora there...

mama-star

Tue, Feb 02 2010, 2:30 pm

I think it depends on your minhag.

why don't you pick out what you want and buy it after the baby is born? all the baby needs when it is just born is a boob and a diaper - everything else can wait!! LOL

tovarena

Tue, Feb 02 2010, 3:06 pm

Our rav also said we could take beforehand if it meant a major difference financially. But he preferred us not to store the stuff in the house. So we started accepting all sorts of hand-me-downs beforehand including cribs, clothes, swings, etc. but just stored it in the garage. Especially since we were preparing for twins, the help was really needed. Often with the hand-me-downs, people want it out of their house NOW so they would have given it to someone else rather than hold it for a couple of months.

Also, my MIL bought both of our car seats for us when I was about 30 or 31 weeks along. We wanted them to be professionally installed and since we had no idea when I might go into labor, it was the only way to do it (around here, you have to make an appointment at the fire station to get them installed and they only do it once every couple of weeks, so there was definitely no waiting until I gave birth).

chaylizi

Tue, Feb 02 2010, 3:11 pm

I've heard of it & I don't buy anything before baby is born. Although, I think this must be a recent thing. If you needed to sew/knit/crochet/whatever all your baby clothes, you probably wouldn't wait till the baby was born to do that. OTOH, that isn't really buying...

freidasima

Tue, Feb 02 2010, 3:14 pm

We went to a store, picked out everything in my 7th month and then dh went to the store the morning after I gave birth to pay for it and order, that's how it was done.

in terms of clothing we had nothing! underwear (long tops and bottoms ) picked out and then my mother ran around and got us stuff until the presents started pouring in. By number two you have it all anyhow.

chaylizi

Tue, Feb 02 2010, 3:18 pm

FS, all you need is a 2nd baby that is a different gender or birthday season & you will need to shop for something. I got lucky. My first 2 were girls & were born February/March. My son couldn't use a single thing I owned from either of them. He is a boy & he is born in October.

Last edited by chaylizi on Tue, Feb 02 2010, 3:23 pm; edited 1 time in total

melbee

Tue, Feb 02 2010, 6:39 pm

I heard this as well and although we bought what we thought were "essentials" (some onesies, washcloths, diapers and wipes, etc) before we knew about the ayin hara, none of that stuff was actually needed until he came home. So there is plenty of time for someone to get things after the birth.

amother

Tue, Feb 02 2010, 6:51 pm

Personally I think there's a fine line (if any) between ayin hara and superstition. I buy when I feel like it and have the money for it. With my first I bought the cot and high chair at 7 weeks pregnant!

chaylizi

Tue, Feb 02 2010, 6:52 pm

amother wrote:

Why would you spend money on baby gear during a period of time that is high risk for miscarriage? Even if I bought something, I would wait until my 3rd trimester.

Tova

Tue, Feb 02 2010, 9:08 pm

Well, with my first pregnancy I was very anxious about miscarrying (ch"v) and mentally what helped me the most WAS to go shopping and buy things for the baby. Focusing on the (future) baby helped me to NOT focus on the pregnancy, which was the best thing for me at the time. I think my husband asked our Rav to ensure it was not something to refrain from (either that or he looked up whatever source is available on the subject himself). I felt very comfortable buying for the baby and loved doing it. By my second pregnancy (even when I knew it was the opposite gender) I really had no need to buy anything (from that therapeutic standpoint) and the thought didn't even cross my mind.

flowerpower

Tue, Feb 02 2010, 9:11 pm

It is a minhag thing. Some hold that you can and some that you shouldn't. You can buy if it's convenient or a good deal and store until the baby is born without showing it to anyone.

Tova

Tue, Feb 02 2010, 9:13 pm

Also - chaylizi - yes the beginning of the pregnancy is the most common time for miscarriage, but my doctor told me that once you see the heartbeat (which I always did at 6 weeks pregnancy) the risk of miscarriage goes down to less than 10%. And evey week after that it goes down a little less, 'til 12 weeks it is less than 2%. So "high risk of miscarriage" is pretty relative.

If ch"v my worst fears were confirmed and H's plan would have been for me to have a non-viable pregnancy, stuff is returnable. Although likely I would have kept it for a future baby. And it would have been worth the risk for me, because of the enjoyment I got from shopping and anticipating the birth.

chaylizi

Tue, Feb 02 2010, 9:33 pm

at the risk of having rotten tomatoes thrown at me, I will say that statistics don't help you. You become part of a statistic after the fact. How comforting is it to the many women who have miscarriages in the first trimester, that they are part of an extreme minority? Even so, 10% is 10 out of every 100 women, & that adds up to thousands of women in the general population.

As to the comfort thing, I hear you. If it is your minhag though, that probably doesn't help. With my first, I was in nursing school. I was so busy I didn't have time to breathe. With my last 2, I felt so bad that my Dh had to put my coat on & drag me out of the house (in the first 12 weeks) if he wanted me to get fresh air.

Mimisinger

Tue, Feb 02 2010, 9:36 pm

I had a Rav in E"Y who davka set up a nursery so Hashem would give them someone to put into it. And, at last count they had 10 so, it must work...