Sending DS to Israe? He's only 16!

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Parenting our children

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Thu, Jun 14 2012, 11:20 am

My DS is finishing 11th grade. He has outgrown his present yeshiva and his Rosh Yeshiva feels that he should go to a specific Yeshiva in Israel. This Yeshiva is a post HS one. All the boys are 18 and above. DS won't be 17 until the end of the year. He has been interviewed and accepted.

I asked a friends DH to check into this for me, and he did. He thinks its a good thing for him. I am veering towards sending him, but am also having a hard time thinking about him going so far away. (He has been OOT in yesivah, but always only a 2-3 hour drive away).

Help? Chizzuk? Advice?

amother

Thu, Jun 14 2012, 11:28 am

It's a very personal decision depending on how mature you think your son is and how he feels about it and how you feel about it. For what it's worth, when my parents were growing up in the USSR they only had ten grades of school and it was common for boys and girls to go far away to university at age 16.

grin

Thu, Jun 14 2012, 1:26 pm

yes, it is a difficult change form a couple of hours away to overseas, but try to face the fact that he's growing up. (would you prefer that he didn't ch'v...?)

try to get yourself out of the picture and think what's best for him.

chani8

Thu, Jun 14 2012, 2:09 pm

Sounds risky to me.

Ruchel

Thu, Jun 14 2012, 2:13 pm

He's 16, and younger than the others, and it's far.
I personally would only consider it if there was no other way. I think teens still need their parents very much, even if just for feeling safe and for modelling good couple behaviour.

anotherima

Thu, Jun 14 2012, 2:17 pm

I also skipped 12th grade and went to Israel. For me it was great, for others not so great. If he is very mature, follows rules, and really wants to go, maybe it would be a good idea. talk to the heads of the school in Israel and speak to parents who have sent there. Good luck!

amother

Thu, Jun 14 2012, 2:18 pm

My dh did it, and he developed some wonderful skills and character as a result. However, it is a very individual decision and is absolutely not appropriate for everyone.

ora_43

Thu, Jun 14 2012, 2:24 pm

Does he want to go?

I don't think one year early is worryingly early. I know a few people who started college a year early and none felt particularly "younger" that I know of.

Ruchel

Thu, Jun 14 2012, 2:28 pm

I started uni a year early - but it's very different than being away from home!

amother

Thu, Jun 14 2012, 4:11 pm

grin wrote:

op here.

The bolded is what scares me. How do I know whats right for him? He is mature enough to handle it. I think an environment where he is with older boys would be good too. And he wants to go.

Ruchel-he wont be getting a model of good couple behavior from our home-unfortunately. He has a very good role model in me, but in dh-thats a whole other story!

Isramom8

Thu, Jun 14 2012, 4:17 pm

Sounds like a wonderful boy. He is welcome to come to us for Shabbos.

grin

Fri, Jun 15 2012, 12:51 am

what are his other options? who would his friends be while here? do you have relatives or close friends that could be his "home away form home"?

(btw, I also left home at 17 for EY, leaving a bad home situation behind, and never regretted it.)

shalhevet

Fri, Jun 15 2012, 2:39 am

amother wrote:

grin wrote:

The chizzuk is we have to do what's best for our children, not for us.

You are right - it's so hard to know if it is really the best. Do you trust his RY as someone expert in chinuch and who has your ds's best interests at heart? Has the RY sent other boys to this yeshiva? Is there anyone else you know and who is familiar with the yeshiva who could weigh in (say his current rebbe/maggid shiur or someone who knows him and/or your family and the yeshiva)?

If your dh is not a good role model, that's a good reason to send him somewhere with good role models. Ditto if he wants to go.
What are the alternatives if he doesn't go?

Daven to Hashem that He helps you make the right decision. B'hatzlacha and lots of nachas.

ora_43

Fri, Jun 15 2012, 3:09 am

Ruchel wrote:

I started uni a year early - but it's very different than being away from home!

In the states the two usually go together. And this is a teen who's already living away from home.

amother

Fri, Jun 15 2012, 3:14 pm

OP here.

His friends will be those who are also going to the Yeshiva. He makes friends easily, so I am really not worried about that. I don't know other options. I would have to find someone to help me find a yeshiva for him. DH is clueless in that respect.

I kind of trust the RY, though I don't have maximum confidence in him. He has sent other boys to this Yeshiva before. Including the Rabbi who is now the english principal in the yeshiva he is in now.

We do have have a couple relatives, one of who becomes a home away from home for all her relatives. Not near the yeshiva, but he can go there for shabbosim.

I am davening that this is the right place for him.

Page 1 of 1