Dina Friedman's Bedtime Routine

Mama Bear

Thu, Feb 11 2010, 10:23 pm

Dina Friedman's bedtime routine is wonderful. I WISH she would take questions already, becuase this is what I want to say to her:

1. My 4 1/2 yr old for whom bedtime is a battle EVERY NIGHT, started putting on pj's tonight about 1 1/2 hours earleir than usual because he couldnt wait for special-Mommy-time. I'm really enjoying our special alone time together and he goes to bed a lot better.

2. However, I am also sleep training the 19 month old and that derails and disrupts the 4 1/2 yr old's sleep. He can be on the verge of falling asleep and as soon as I put the baby into the room to let him cry, the big one starts becoming noisy and wide awake! I cant wait until the baby is asleep to put the big one to bed, because it can take as long as 1 1/2 hours to settle the baby. It's really messing up my older kid's bedtime and I dont know what to do!

but anyway I absolutely love the way she explains the whole connection of kids and sleep. I love the course.

Mama Bear

Thu, Feb 11 2010, 10:58 pm

Thanks Nicole. but my big one will still hear my little one shrieking from the bedroom - the rooms are attached - and my constant walking in and out to calm the baby disturbs him too. he has a very hard time falling asleep if he isnt in his own bed.

granolamom

Fri, Feb 12 2010, 11:15 am

what was going on before you started the new bedtime routine? was the 19 mo always like this bedtime? how did the big one handle it?

my sister had a similar situation (she also did the course last year) and dina's method of sleep training didn't work for her toddler. when he was about 2, he began to understand the concept of bedtime fun so she gave him his own 'bedtime fun' routine and now he goes to sleep beautifully.

this just may be one of those things that will pass as he gets older.

but congrats on the success with your 4 yo!

Mama Bear

Fri, Feb 12 2010, 2:12 pm

My 19 month old used to nurse to sleep. Then he stopped doing that, I would nurse him for maybe 1 1/2 hours til my nippled were shredded and he still wasnt sleeping. So I would keep him up til really late when he was falling apart and then let him cry (by then SM was already asleep). now I want him to go to sleep at a more normal time.

I think I'll buy the lavendar oil and that'll help Sm fall asleep.

Btw - thsi morning SM begged me to make a 'daytime chart' so he can have 'daytime mommy special time'. lol!

bobeli

Fri, Feb 12 2010, 2:53 pm

I don't know of her method for bed time.
what I did with my 19 m old was to put her to sleep at the same time as the 3 y, and explain to her that her sister is going to sleep, the dog (or whatever sleeping stuffed animal you have) is going to sleep, etc. and at the beginning she will pat the older one and the dog to "help' them sleep and then I will put her in her crib and pat her a little.
Now she doesn't need the story thing but I pat the older one and after the small and it works most of the time.
btw I do that when she wakes up at night too, I show her is dark and this is sleeping, that is sleeping, mommy is going to sleep and DD too!
the down side is that is hard for the younger to fall asleep when the older is not sleeping so fast or not in her bed.
is not fool prof but works for me most of the time

kinderCK

Mon, Feb 15 2010, 9:25 pm

My kids are responding very well to this bedtime routine too!!
Have you tried Dina's idea of making a tape for the toddler about, this one is sleeping, that one is sleeping, etc? that could help settle your 19 month old.
My toddler stopped nursing to sleep recently too and now I do a short bedtime routine and then settle him in his crib by telling him about his day. He loves it, and just listens to me slowly recount his day, "we got up, we washed negel wasser, you had your bottie, you played with this, you ate breakfast, etc. He gets mesmerized and then just stays quiet. before this he would just bounce around the crib laughing at me, or crying.
on another note re the routine..
I'm looking for some good, short games to play with my 8 year old.. that are over in 10 minutes. We love UNO but it takes too long, and we get too into it, we don't want to stop!!

momto4

Mon, Feb 15 2010, 10:11 pm

im also listening to dina friedman and started the bedtime routine. its a great idea but im nervous about it cuz I feel its a big commitment. there are evenings when im so exhausted that I just want to get the kids to bed qickly. anyway to the poster above me. how about connect four or a quick card game or just reading a book together, coloring?

kinderCK

Tue, Feb 16 2010, 9:31 pm

momto4 wrote:

. anyway to the poster above me. how about connect four or a quick card game or just reading a book together, coloring?

Like Dina.. I don't love reading to her.. she loves it tho. I think we will try cards.
I'd like to ask Dina for the names of the games she uses.. sounds like she has quite a few!!

granolamom

Wed, Feb 17 2010, 1:06 pm

I have a son who just turned 9, we've been doing the bedtime routine for a year now. his favorite game, stratego, takes FOREVER so we just play for 10 min and either call it a tie or put it away mid-game and continue the next night.
uno's another favorite of his, but I foudn that was easy to play just 10 min
he also sometimes likes to read (to himself) while I sit with him in his bed and read my own thing.

amother

Wed, Feb 17 2010, 2:31 pm

I wish it would be working for me. My two year old loves the private time, but he gets hysterical when I put him into bed and go to play with my older son. He's used to going to sleep pretty much at the same time as my os. He keeps getting out of bed and coming to where I am with os, and if I tell him he can't and put him back in bed he starts sobbing hysterically, which I don't think is what's meant to happen. (This routine is supposed to get the kids peacefully and happily to sleep, isn't it?) Also, my one-year old is often not ready to sleep at that time and really interferes. I can't play with anyone when he's around.

My os at least loves following charts and likes private time.

Dh thinks this whole routine is stupid and he wants to be the one to put the kids to sleep in his old way (which involves me trying to get everyone ready for bed and him doing a lot of yelling at the kids when they don't cooperate, a lot of wild and raucous playing, and a lot of lying together in a dark room playing 20 Questions and riddle games till very late. At which point his chavrusa comes to learn and then I have two supercharged kids to try to calm down and get to sleep.) It's causing a real shalom bayis problem and I'm beginning to think it's not worth it, except that when he's not home and I do it it works so nicely.

Sigh.

Mama Bear

Wed, Feb 17 2010, 3:00 pm

I think that a child who does not yet spend most of the day away from home, like a 2 y.o., doesnt need 10 minutes of mommy time since they have mommy time all day.

I set the oven timer fo 10 minutes and we do an activity of my son's choice - play with stickers, ball, make up stories, play zingo or I-Spy, and he nicely goes to bed.

Bh my toddler is starting to behave better with the bedtime, I sometimes put my older one on my dh's bed at first and transfer him when the baby is settled enough to want to fall asleep very soon. BH my sleeping issues with the toddler are much better.

AND I LEFT DINA A MESSAGE ON HER MESSAGE CENTER ALREADY! SQUEE!!!

amother

Wed, Feb 17 2010, 3:42 pm

My two year old doesn't get so much mommy time because the one year old is always interfering. He really likes getting my undivided attention, ie. I'm not doing housework, speaking on the phone or anything else when I play with him at bedtime. My problem is that he doesn't let me do the ten minutes with my older son. If I firmly put him into bed and tell him that he can't also play with me when I play with os, he screams and cries, which isn't such a pleasant background for the os's playtime. Maybe I should leave this as a question message for Dina.

Mama Bear

Mon, Feb 22 2010, 11:38 pm

Just wanted to show you the wonderful evening chart I set up with my 4 1/2 yr old. we printed out pics from the internet and he cut and glued them and we drew the line together. In case you dont recognize all of the pics, they are:

Bath, pajama, brushing teeth, flossing, negel vasser, kissing mezuzah, krias shma, drinking, eating, toilet, mommy time, bedtime! (the bed is exactly the bed he has)

LeahW

Tue, Feb 23 2010, 4:00 am

Mama Bear wrote:

Very cute!

amother

Emerald

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 6:35 pm

Can someone summarize dinas method for the clueless??

And what do u do if u have needy baby in addition to multiple age kids? I always give kids ten to fifteen min of reading (or playing) but baby often cries or disturbs.

Last edited by amother on Wed, Mar 13 2019, 4:24 pm; edited 1 time in total

kiwi strawberry

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 6:56 pm

kinderCK wrote:

How about work on a puzzle for x amount of time together every night? This way you're also working on a project together because you could do a little each night until you've completed it. And there's so many different kinds of puzzles you can get.

Queen6

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 9:52 pm

I think this is a little ridiculous. Children don't need hours to be put to sleep. It shouldn't take so long. A dance every night doesn't make sense.
A healthy child should go into bed and not have 100 demands.
Nursing for 1 1/2 hours?! How does this make sens? Charts? Hours of play and private time?
Play with your kids during the day, talk to them, relax with them, feed them... When it's time to go to sleep put on pajamas, say shema, read a book, and leave the room.
This whole new theory of bedtime routine which takes a full hour is a bit much.

smss

Tue, Nov 17 2015, 10:07 pm

Queen6 wrote:

Not sure how you got that. Dina Friedman recommends spending 10 minutes at bedtime with your child doing a fun activity of your child's choice. 10 minutes...not hours.
The chart is for the kid to follow and would include things like putting on pajamas, brushing teeth, going to the bathroom etc. When they've completed the things on their chart they get the bedtime fun. Then into bed.