what would you do if your child started to smoke?

yo'ma

Thu, Apr 22 2010, 11:54 am

or more so, how would you feel towards him/her?

My dh asked my mother this question and she said that she would be disappointed, but what can you do already. B"h, none of her children do smoke. My dh said that there are so many other things that might be so much more disappointing. For example, he knows this guy who was in an unhappy marriage and he was cheating. He's divorced now and sleeps around, but HE DOESN'T SMOKE LOL

. Who's more disappointing Confused

? I'm not saying I agree with him and smoking, but when he gets into the smoking is okay with limits, I don't say anything unless it's around the kids. BTW, he used to smoke, but stopped for me, cold turkey LOL

.

I really have no idea what I would do, but I of course discourage it all the time. It makes it a little hard since my fil smokes like a chimney.

amother

Thu, Apr 22 2010, 12:28 pm

flowerpower wrote:

I would take the kid to the lung dr. and have him watch patients come in looking like garbage from the **** they have to go through because of the smoking.

as a child who smoked, I highly doubt that would affect the kid.

its liek anything, kids know there are consequences but they dont like to be told not to do something bc a parent did it and regrets it, or bc you can get hurt, they want to try for themselves.

if my child started smoking I would hope he has my non addictive genes. and I would try to make it clear to him the dangers of a bad habit and addiction rather than smoking. and that goes for anything I wouldnt want a child of mine doing. whether its biting their nails or use your imagination - most of it boils down to addiction and that my friends is my biggest problem of all.

overthehill

Thu, Apr 22 2010, 12:31 pm

You dont think that taking a kid down to Sloan Kettering to see patients dying and suffering from lung cancer would have any influence on a kid? These people there probably regret their actions and can talk with the kid and let him/her know, that while they thought they were cool and "IT", look where they have landed up now....

Barbara

Thu, Apr 22 2010, 12:34 pm

We'd look at pictures of unhealthy lungs. Those really disgusting commercials about the effects of smoking that they were showing for a while (and are surely still available on youtube). Talk about how it affects ability to run and be active. Talk about death in general, my dad's throat cancer, my mom's death.

hadasa

Thu, Apr 22 2010, 12:55 pm

yo'ma wrote:

. Who's more disappointing Confused

.

I really have no idea what I would do, but I of course discourage it all the time. It makes it a little hard since my fil smokes like a chimney.

I do not understand the argument that X cannot be bad because Y is worse. I've seen similar arguments on imamother and I don't get it. Am I supposed to have such low expectations of my children that I'm fine with whatever they do as long as they're not sleeping around Ch"v? Sorry, no logic in that.

I would gather as much informatio as I can to present them with the dangers and explain why I don't approve. But at the end of the day, once they reach the upper teens they'll have to make their own decisions. I can explain, persuade, and give information, but I'll no longer be able to control their lives.

yo'ma

Thu, Apr 22 2010, 1:30 pm

hadasa wrote:

yo'ma wrote:

For example, he knows this guy who was in an unhappy marriage and he was cheating. He's divorced now and sleeps around, but HE DOESN'T SMOKE LOL

. Who's more disappointing Confused

.

I really have no idea what I would do, but I of course discourage it all the time. It makes it a little hard since my fil smokes like a chimney.

I never said it makes sense, but he was just pointing out how some people shun what people see, but what is hidden behind closed doors is not such a big deal.

imamama

Thu, Apr 22 2010, 3:56 pm

You can tell your kid you love him/her, and it makes you miserable to watch him flush his good health (and a cr*pload of money) down the toilet. It's not going to make him stop right then and there, or even at all. But parents should let their kids know they still love them, even if they make bad choices.

You should also lay down some rules--no smoking in the house. Don't litter the streets with butts. Don't let your siblings see you smoking. Do not even think about asking a parent to buy you cigarettes (if he's underage). Don't ask parents for money to buy cigarettes.

Tell him when he decides he's ready to quit you will be happy to help with the cost of nicotine patches or gum, or whatever other quitting tactic he chooses.

I really don't think scare tactics will work.

Tamiri

Thu, Apr 22 2010, 4:07 pm

This is something I really can't imagine any kid of mine doing. Rather than worry about them smoking, we spoke against it from the beginning of time with each of them. This way they see it as totally bad and not something that even pays to try. BH the army has had no affect on either of my big boys - lahefech, they are even more disgusted by it after being around others who smoke.
I think an ounce of prevention goes a lot further than discipling your kids after the fact.

Isramom8

Thu, Apr 22 2010, 4:16 pm

Of course you should utilize your kids' younger years to explain your position. That doesn't mean they won't experiment. But they will probably end up eventually doing as they have been taught.

This really is cultural. Israel is nowhere near the non-smoking awareness that America has developed in the past few decades.

freidasima

Thu, Apr 22 2010, 4:21 pm

It won't help to disown. It might help to make them to go a cancer ward and see people dying from it. Don't know. Not an issue here. Dh smoked before I met him but only a bit. My mother smoked and stopped before my kids were born, but she never smoked around me as I'm asthmatic and allergic (I wonder why...)

shanie5

Thu, Apr 22 2010, 7:46 pm

I agree with Tamiri. My kids all know how against smoking I am-and how stupid it is.

That being said, if any of my kids started smoking, I would not let them in my house. I am allergic to cigarette smoke-I get what I call a "smokers headache" and cannot be around it.

ValleyMom

Thu, Apr 22 2010, 9:13 pm

I would beat him to a pulp.

NO, I would take him to a radiation clinic where cancer patient go to get their treatment. Then I would ask someone with lung cancer or throat cancer to have a chat with him.

I know I sound harsh but my FIL is in the final stages of lung cancer so my children and I know first hand how slow and ugly and painful the disease is.

The irony is he NEVER EVER smoked a day in his life. He was diagnosed with mesolothioma because he was an engineer in the 1970's and he worked on a project that exposed him to esbestos.

chocolate moose

Thu, Apr 22 2010, 9:43 pm

ValleyMom wrote:

NO, I would take him to a radiation clinic where cancer patient go to get their treatment. Then I would ask someone with lung cancer or throat cancer to have a chat with him.

I know I sound harsh but my FIL is in the final stages of lung cancer so my children and I know first hand how slow and ugly and painful the disease is.

I watched two uncles die from emphysema, then my own father. Made no difference to my son. BUT he eventually gave it up, for which I was really happy!

Most kids thinks they're invincible.

bnm

Thu, Apr 22 2010, 11:48 pm

my kids will grow up knowing smoking isn't an option- I get a headache and nauses from the smell, I can detect when my husband sits next to a smoker in shul... I keep my windows closed most of the time because I live on top of offices and the people smoke under my windows..... during pregnancy I actually told people to smoke elsewhere, I was throwing up because of them.