9yo DS-angel in school/Meshuga at home WTD!!!

amother

Sun, Apr 25 2010, 8:48 pm

DS who is 9 years old is driving us all insane. At Yeshiva, he is the most perfectly behaved boy, davens, learns, has derech eretz for Rebbes and teachers etc.

At home, he turns into a ----- I dont know!!

He complains about everything.
All day, he says "its not fair"
whatever supper I make is no good
He picks fights with everyone
When he's mad, he knows just what to do to make me infuriated- like threaten to break my new furniture!
Hes very lazy, and wont lift a finger to do anything for everyone- he thinks this a hotel!
He's picked up a horrible choice of vocabulary from some of his classmates, and I might add he goes to an excellent Yeshiva, but there are a few bad boys in his class.

His Teachers say he has to "let it out" somewhere, but frankly, we cant take it anymore.

HELP!

amother

Sun, Apr 25 2010, 9:31 pm

OMG! Sounds like my 6 yr old! When he started school, I expected to hear from his teachers all the time. When I spoke to them and asked how he was, they thought I was crazy. They didn't believe when I described how he behaves at home until they saw how he acted to me when I picked him up from school. He seems to use all his patience being good at school, then lets out all his steam when he gets home, driving his parents and siblings CRAZY!!! When he doesn't get his way (or even thinks for a minute things aren't going 100% his way) he starts whining, crying and carrying on like a baby.

I don't have all the answers you're looking for. What seems to work best for me is to try to keep him busy with things he likes to do, like coloring or other projects. He often needs lots of extra TLC, which is hard to juggle it without making the others feel like they should also act out for attention. If I need to go out on errands, I try to take along one or two of my kids to give them a little extra attention. He usually refuses, preferring to play with his coveted toys. But it's good for all of them to get a little private Mommy time.

For things I know he won't be happy about, I try to preempt his tantrums. I don't make him special suppers, but I've learned it's a lot healthier to allow him to have a PB sandwich or some leftover spaghetti, than to have him not eat anything at all, and make everyone else crazy in the process.

Sometimes it helps to "play the game" with him. When he says he won't take orders cuz he's the king, for example, I'll try to preempt trouble by suggesting that we're the soldiers, etc... I know there's quite a difference between 6 and 9, but see if there's an area you can create a niche, without causing an explosion. (I know it's easier said than done.)

Hatzlocha rabba! Hug

rivka6

Mon, Apr 26 2010, 8:56 am

I had one like this. He still complains a lot at 20! it took me years to get that its just his way of expressing insecurity. I have tried to listen, really listen, to whats bothering him, not what he says, and that has helped. I also used to make him "Menus", he coud request any food off the menu if he didnt like dinner. it would be PB or egg, nothing more.
by the way, he became a wonderful cook so he could make the food he liked, which also helped.
this too shall pass, b'h.

gryp

Mon, Apr 26 2010, 8:59 am

amother wrote:

Are you me? Smile

amother

Mon, Apr 26 2010, 10:02 pm

I really feel for you. I have a 9year old, who is the same way. Today was a particularly rough day. My son growls at people, acts like an animal when he does not get his way. Yells at me every time I call his name, and complains non stop about everything too.

Unfortunately some of this behavior has begun to leak into school, It never did till now. I always hought he just needed to let it out, but it is so out of hand, I cannot take it anymore.

I am looking for a therapist, I think he really needs the help.

amother

Thu, Nov 13 2014, 11:55 am

I'm bumping this up. My seven yr old son is exactly the same. Angel at school. Terror at home. Hurts his siblings. No detect eretz etc. But underneath he is a really good sensitive boy so I don't know why he does this. Any thoughts? He also cries very easily whenever anything isn't exactly his way. (Supper not to his liking , no clean undershirts etc).

dr. pepper

Thu, Nov 13 2014, 1:39 pm

It's certainly not crazy.

To quote an adorably precocious 5 year old I know, when asked by his mother upon returning from kindergarten PTA with a glowing report "how come you are so good at school and so difficult at home?" he responded "but mommy, I can't be good ALL the time!"

In some ways, it's a bracha in that you know he has it together socially. Meaning, he understands that he cannot get away with said behavior to the rest of the world.

On that note, he should not be able to get away with said behavior in your home either Smile

Please consider a parenting class or therapist that can work for your personality to help gain more clarity and consistency in your parenting.

And hatlzocha!

amother

Thu, Nov 13 2014, 1:44 pm

This was me as a little kid (ages 8-11)... I was super wild and chutzpadik at home, but an angel in school. Probably the most well behaved kid in the whole class.
I'm not sure why I was like that. I was the youngest, got a lot of attention, love, etc.
I think it's just a phase and then it passes...
just keep davening for your son Smile

good luck!