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What are different minhagim for the upsherin?



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amother


 

Post Thu, Oct 22 2009, 2:04 pm
we are both bt and dont have any specific rabbi that we follow.
our son is BH, about to turn three and we are looking for what we should do. ive heard of people going to big Rebbeim to cut the hair and make brachot.
what else is there to do? dh said that we should go to meron, but is that only if a child is born in the 32 days leading up to lag baomer? should we wait until lag baomer? or should we get brachot from rebeim and then go up to meron and cut more hair there?
tia!
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Rodent




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 22 2009, 3:20 pm
What is your persuasion? Personally we did none of that stuff, just took him to the hair salon (we did the first cut and kept it) but we didn't have anyone to come so no point making a big event of it. And I don't like every man and his dog having a snip. Just saying that to show you don't HAVE to do anything really if you don't want to, but you could be "go all out" type people, I have no idea.
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YALT




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 22 2009, 3:43 pm
My friend's son just had her son's upsherin in Meron last week.
There is an inyan to cut the hair on the birthday itself. Obviously there are exceptions.
Many circles, many customs.
We are Lubavitch. We went to cut the first part at the Rebbe's Ohel. Since my father is a Kohen, My parents & MIL met us at the ohel & we had the kohen, Levi & Yisroel cut over there. Then we went home & the next day by the party, the first 2 people cut off his back braids (that were donated) and then everyone else continued to cut. Whatever was left was cut by the yiddishe barber in town.
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Imaonwheels




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 22 2009, 3:47 pm
The minhagim in Sefer Mesoret are done by both Ashkenazim and Sefardim and nearly everyone in EY that does upsheren or halakeh. We have one this week too Very Happy
What is different is how big of a party. Some its taste and some minhag. We have a seuda with bread by minhag. Its done on the day if possible and not on Rosh Chodesh. Certain people can cut or everyone. But supervise, trust me.

The minhagim are for taking the child to the melamed once he's done and straightened up. Those who don't send to cheder and just have a gannenet usually borrow one or take whoever teaches 1st grade in your school, ask your rav. The father brings the child to cheder wrapped in his tallis so as to see nothing tamei on the way. The melamed puts honey on an alef beis page and has the child say the names of the letters after him. Then he reads what is on the egg and gives the child to eat and same with the cake.

There are other minhagim that are particular to certain groups, these are general
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amother


 

Post Thu, Oct 22 2009, 4:05 pm
ive never heard of these minhagim! thanks for posting.

what other minhagim do different groups do? im not big into having a party. we dont have family is israel and not many friends, but I do want to make it meaningful. even though I didnt grow up religious, we still cut hair only after the third birthday.
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frumamn




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 22 2009, 4:18 pm
For a real basic upsherenish, you can invite just a few friends- surely you have a few! and have them either partake in the haircutting or just watch, if that's what you prefer. The important part is to make sure there is something especially "Jewish" about this party so your son realizes this is more than just a birthday party. There is an inyan somewhere about having a Jew do the first haircut. The Hachnasa LCheder is separate from the upsherenish but should be done soon afterwards to make the connection between the upsheren, 3rd birthday and the official start of his Jewish education. Just enjoy the party and take lots of pictures cuz your baby will never look the same again!
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Imaonwheels




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 22 2009, 4:37 pm
I used to own a bakery and sold "upsheren sets" - cake, egg and alef beis page in nylon if your melamed doesn't bring it. Feel free to ask any questions. There also books in Hebrew other than Sefer Mesoret that lists other minhagim as well like Tzoan Kedoshim for the boy with pictures. I bought it before the upshein to explain to ds what was going to happen. The cake should be a honey cake.

I was once by one at a Temeni kabbalist who told my friend to make 8 braids.

In Lubavitch there should be a seudah and maamar (there is a Lubavitch book on it with history, minhagim, directives and stories from the Rebbeim, It is customary to learn the alef beis from daf shaar of the Tanya.

Some throw candies on the child and say they are from the Malach Michael

Some read the beginning of VaYikra because that is where some begin learning,

Some just do it in shul after shacharis and bring cake and drinks. Some just make a family and close friends BD party.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 22 2009, 5:20 pm
What we do is as follows-
we do not cut the boys hair until he is three
the morning of his hebew birthday we invite family and make a nice breakfast
everyone(males only) get a turn cutting a little of the hair
he gives out pekelach once his haircut is all done
he goes with his parents/grandparents and whoever wants to cheder. The rebbe puts him on his lap and does some things with him-reading aleph bais.licking honey....
he gives out pekelach to the kinderlach there and they sing and dance.

There are a lot that go to their rebbe to cut some hair too.
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pobody's nerfect




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 22 2009, 6:07 pm
I've heard most of this stuff but not the egg. care to enlighten?

(DS's upsherin is only 2 years 11 months away Smile)
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 22 2009, 6:09 pm
Just google your rite/family origin and upsherin and see what comes up!
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 22 2009, 6:47 pm
I've heard some people have the minhag to do hachnasa lecheder at 5, not 3. (that actually makes more sense to me, especially if the kid is going to be in gan for another year or 2)
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Imaonwheels




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 23 2009, 12:51 am
Hachnasas l'cheder, like the upsheren itself, at 3 is a spiritual inyan and has nothing to do with current educational theories or what a school teaches.

There are both spiritual and educational reasons for starting a child during his 3rd year. Therefore it says at age 3 to begin learning to read and if weak at 4. And of course reading means reading Hebrew.

We have a DS child on the yishuv who had his upsheren with the melamed before leaving for the special ed gan. He was not in the cheder until 5 and at 7 was taken out and put in his spec ed school.
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BinahYeteirah




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 04 2010, 6:49 pm
Imaonwheels wrote:
In Lubavitch there should be a seudah and maamar (there is a Lubavitch book on it with history, minhagim, directives and stories from the Rebbeim, It is customary to learn the alef beis from daf shaar of the Tanya.


I know this is an old thread, but I was doing a search thinking about the future.

Just wondering, do most Lubavitch people actually make a seudah for an upshernish? It seems like all the ones I go to are just dessert buffet (cakes, cookies, candies, maybe a few salads and savory appetizer foods) types of affairs.
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YALT




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 05 2010, 6:08 am
never heard of such a thing, but that doesn't mean anything. The ones I attend are also buffets - either like chinese or desserts or bagels & spreads.

What I did was a soup & salad bar. It was perfect. Nice warm soup when they came in from the snowstorm going on outside. Then I had a table with 2 types chips, 2 types candies, and a tzitzis cake. Then a table with drinks.
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BinahYeteirah




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 05 2010, 7:23 am
YALT wrote:
never heard of such a thing, but that doesn't mean anything. The ones I attend are also buffets - either like chinese or desserts or bagels & spreads.

What I did was a soup & salad bar. It was perfect. Nice warm soup when they came in from the snowstorm going on outside. Then I had a table with 2 types chips, 2 types candies, and a tzitzis cake. Then a table with drinks.


Well, if you have bagels, then that's a seuda, right? Most people wash on bagels. Did you have anything to wash on at your upshernish? Any bread or something like that?

Yours sounds nice and not too complicated. I don't know how many types of salads you had, though. IY"H, we aren't making an upshernish for another nine months or so and I'm already worried about it. LOL So much food to cook.
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YALT




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 05 2010, 12:19 pm
actually, we had pitas, but they were mezonos. Although some hold that if being kove'a seudah then you wash. We also had homemade breadsticks spelling out his name for those who wanted real hamotzi. But I don't think anyone washed.

I did all the planning in advance, and the shopping for non-perishables before. But everything else was done between Thursday, Friday & Sunday. The upsherin was Sunday 2-4pm.

I made 4 types of soups: mushroom barley, tomato, butternut squash, and zucchini. I could have made them in advance, but I preferred to not freeze beforehand, so that I could freeze the leftovers afterwards. So I made all soups Thurs / Fri besides for Tomato (because it's literally dumping in cans of tomato juice with a few spices)
Thursday I made 5 salad dressings. Friday we bought most of veges for salad, and cut them up early sunday morning. Sunday we bought bags of cut lettuce. I had gotten a bunch of baskets/planters/bowls and each one had something else in it (2 dif greens - romaine & spinach, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, mushrooms, red onions, strawberries, mandarins, whatever else)
Dressings were in squeezable bottles (got from restaurant depot) - I still use them until today to store my dressings and tomato sauce in.
I set up the tables: 2 long ones together - end to end. One end had sternos with soups the other had the dif veges & dressings. In the middle, between the 2, I set up the breadsticks and anything that can be used for either soup or salad - croutons (dif. kinds), crackers, pitas,

Then I had 2 separate tables - 1 for drinks (punchbowl, soda, water, apple juice) & 1 for desserts - 2 types of chips, 2 types of little candies, and tzitzis cake.

The tzitzis cake was 2 layers of peanut butter rice krispies treats (made in cookie sheets) - cut out hole by top for head, layer of melted chocolate to hold 2 layers together. smeared marshmallow fluff on top to make white. pipped black lines with black icing or something.

any questions - feel free to pm
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YALT




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 05 2010, 6:37 pm
Just thought I'd post this link in case anyone is interested. It's the Lubavitch minhagim of the hachnasa L'cheder.
You need to scroll alllllllll the way down to the bottom. it's like the 3rd to last item on page. It says hachnasa l'cheder.... download now. It's free.

http://www.thelivingsidrah.com/products/
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