Make sure your dc don't say ****

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

Wed, May 26 2010, 11:11 am

Here is my preachy vent;

Do not say f-u-*-* in front of your children. Do not have your dh say it in front of your children. Do not let your child hear it on the radio nor see it on tv.

My preschool ds came home from yeshiva, yes I said yeshiva, and correctly used the F word. He said two of the boys in his class said it. WHERE they learned it - who knows? I know it is not on the radio, it is stilll bleeped off of prime time main stream tv.

So this is my PSA - don't do it because I am sure not the only other parent who will not appreciate this. /vent

Barbara

Wed, May 26 2010, 11:15 am

amother wrote:

Unless you live in a bubble, they could have heard it on the street. Or read it in graffiti.

I really do sympathize. While I have been known to curse, I dislike the fact that its become ubiquitous on our streets and in casual conversation. But I still doubt its the parents.

amother

Wed, May 26 2010, 11:49 am

Barbara wrote:

Thank you, Barbara!

You don't know true "joy" till you've suffered the utter and totally unjust humiliation of being called in to the principal's office because a dc said or did.... use your imagination...and are treated to the principal's opinion that clearly the child picked up this gem at home (and the implied threat that if you don't clean up your act, the school will have no choice but to remove your filthy child lest he contaminate everyone else.) Obviously it comes from you. Must be. Where else could he have picked it up?

The school is a small island of Yiddishkeit in a tough inner-city neighborhood. The principal, G-d grant him long life, is a product of White Suburbia who drives from his nice frum enclave straight to his reserved parking spot 5 feet from the entrance to the school. He neither sees nor hears the neighborhood toughs, or even the plain ordinary neighborhood Joes hanging out on the sidewalk, who are so immersed in profanity they don't even realize it is profanity. He has zero clue what life is like on the mean streets, no concept that a child walking fifty feet from home to school can be exposed at any time to language that would make a truck driver blush, and there's not a blessed thing anyone can do about it. He has no concept that this child's sibling came home one day from his very frum day camp and reported that a boy on the bus taught him a very interesting word. The culprit just happened to be the son of the president of the board of trustees of the yeshiva. Still think it always comes from the home. Mr. Knowitall Principal?

amother

Wed, May 26 2010, 1:55 pm

OP here, we do live in suburbia, we dont walk through the projects, my children live in the same neighborhood as their children. We don't pick up language off strangers on the streets. The two boys with the large vocabularies do not have older siblings whom you can blame. I know my older dc know this vocabulary and hear it often with older children, we taught them not to speak like that themselves. It is that I think 5 years old is very young to learn this extracurricular vocabulary. I don't know for a fact that those two sets of parents used it, but I do know the older children in the school do tell (answer back) rebbeim when lectured that they can talk like that because their parents do.

louche

Wed, May 26 2010, 2:01 pm

amother wrote:

the older children in the school do tell (answer back) rebbeim when lectured that they can talk like that because their parents do.

Oh, well, in that case, you do have a case. Though I'm not really surprised, considering some of the posts here in which amothers describe the horrific things that their not-so-dh's say to them. They may not necessarily be saying them "in front of" the dc, but little pitchers have big ears and aren't always asleep when you think they are.

amother

Wed, May 26 2010, 2:11 pm

my dh is a very refined person, however growing up his father did and still does say bad words. When dh is out of control these words do slip. We are aware its a big problem and both of us do not want our children (at the moment we have a 3 month year old) to EVER hear it from home. DH is working very hard. But I feel its virtually impossible as it IS in his vocabulary weather you like it or not!
does anyone have tips how to work on it? Dh at the moment is working more on the cause of it like getting worked up etc but that wont help him if he for eg falls down and a sh** will come out, then he feels terrible. If anyone has any ideas please share. We really want our children to grow up in a pure and clean home (We because it has effected me Crying

)

chocolate moose

Wed, May 26 2010, 2:11 pm

It's for sure worse to hear these things at home.

Ruchel

Wed, May 26 2010, 2:12 pm

My mom was never told about bad words. Result: she ended up, at 7, saying "ds of a wh*re" to a classmate. You can imagine.
With me she had a policy, bad words for fun (not insults) are fine AT HOME. Result: everyone said I was soooo polite, and I never felt the need to bash my parents behind their backs.
My policy is the same with dd. Especially since I do use bad words at home too. She understands very well there are words for at home and words for outside.

Now, culturally speaking, among adults even in frum circles, a sh*t or worse is really no big deal most of the time.

amother

Wed, May 26 2010, 2:29 pm

amother wrote:

)

My dh swore like a sailor especially while driving, we made a swearing pushka jar. Each curse he put a quarter in, it made him more aware and helped him switch it out.

amother

Wed, May 26 2010, 2:30 pm

We also made up fake replacement curses.

amother

Wed, May 26 2010, 3:15 pm

And My DS saw it grafitied onto the seat in front of him on the school bus.
And the plumber on the block with a mouth like a toilet bowl uses the F word as every other word in his sentence.
And DS knows its wrong- but what child doesnt want to get a reaction?

Fox

Wed, May 26 2010, 3:22 pm

The problem is even worse in the short-run when the kids are relatively sheltered. My kids also have heard colorful language in public venues, but sometimes they don't even realize that it's considered really bad -- they think it's the equivalent of saying, "Oh, rats!" or something similar. So, of course, they're utterly flummoxed when I hit the ceiling!

madres

Wed, May 26 2010, 4:44 pm

my sister put on a new dress yom tov. her 11year old daughter said: wow it's so s.xy.
my sister was in utter shock!! she asked her what it meant. and my niece answered beaming it means beautiful....

WriterMom

Wed, May 26 2010, 5:13 pm

Ruchel wrote:

Now, culturally speaking, among adults even in frum circles, a sh*t or worse is really no big deal most of the time.

That has NOT been my experience. I've never been the guilty party, but I've seen frum adults react with horror to (comparatively) mild cursing.

My weakness is sudden pain. I don't normally use foul language, but it almost flies out of my mouth if I'm not careful if I step on something sharp or stub my toe hard. I guess if you never get used to those words you never learn bad habits!

gryp

Wed, May 26 2010, 5:25 pm

OP, it's a real issue. I heard a 7 yr old say it, and claimed that his father always says it when he drives.

yo'ma

Wed, May 26 2010, 5:31 pm

A funny story:
I was walking in flatbush on y"t with my 5 yr old and other children. We passed a house where there were, it looked like, teenagers playing some sort of card game or something on a front porch. Just as we were passing by, one of them said sh**. My 5 yr old started laughing and said that they said, shiffy, his cousins name LOL

. I wasn't going to correct him.

WriterMom

Wed, May 26 2010, 5:39 pm

My oldest pronounced "truck," well, you can imagine how, for several months. And he adored them, as well as all other vehicles. So we'd be taking a walk and out of the stroller would come "F***! Mummy, f***!"

MommyZ

Wed, May 26 2010, 5:41 pm

WriterMom wrote:

When my DD was about 1 1/2 years old she tried to say "fork" and it came out as "f***".

yo'ma

Wed, May 26 2010, 5:54 pm

My problem is, my kids sometimes say things they shouldn't say, but I don't understand it because it's in spanish. The only reason why I know this is because of my lovely other children who have to tell me, so and so said a bad word.

freshie

Wed, May 26 2010, 6:00 pm

WriterMom wrote:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pj2Nutu5v8

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